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Anonbride
Expert July 2023 Cornwall

aita only inviting one work buddy and not the other?

Anonbride, 15 of July of 2022 at 14:51 Posted on Etiquette and Advice 0 4

Fake names for anonymity.

Jenny and I started around the same time about a year ago, we became “work friends” fast, and it’s become quite clear that we’re genuine “friend friends” now - I’ve ummed and erred as she is a new friend in the grand scheme of things and we’re only having a 50 person wedding (immediate family only so most of the 50 is friends) but she’s fast become one of my favourite people and is visiting us with her partner outside of work so I think we’ve moved past just being colleagues and so I’ve decided I’d really like her there.
Over the last few months, Jenny and I befriended Rachel. She’s in another team but goes into the office on the same days as us, we always all sit together if we’re all in, often have after work drinks (although Jenny and I still regularly go for lunches or whatever just the two of us, not to exclude Rachel it just seems to happen). I really like Rachel too.
The other thing is, a good friend of mine has literally just started at the same company as us, so it’s likely that he’ll join our little office gang and is already on the invite list with his partner, meaning that Jenny won’t actually be the only work friend invited…
The wedding is in a year’s time, by which time I may feel as close to Rachel as I do Jenny, but it feels very early days to invite someone I’ve only known through work for a few months… AITA for only feeling like I can offer Jenny (and her bf) and invite right now and that Rachel feels more like a B list person that miiight wind up with an invite nearer the time if another couple declines?
Note: wedding is a bit of a destination, so STDs going out early because people will need to book accommodation so we are finalising who gets our final few spots by end of this month, and Jenny’s bf gets an invite (over Jenny solo and Rachel solo) because they are long term cohabiting partners and I don’t feel right inviting people to a wedding that likely will be turned into a long weekend at least by most without their other halves. Of course, I would invite Jenny by post and quietly let her know the situation with why Rachel isn’t invited rather than handing her an invite in the office!

4 replies

Latest activity by Michelle, 17 of July of 2022 at 14:05
  • Charlotte
    VIP April 2022 Wiltshire
    Charlotte ·
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    NTA! Jenny and you are friends out of work along with your partner's. The new guy was a friend before so is just coincidence that he is now at your work. If I were Rachel I wouldn't question it as a) is your wedding so your guest list is your choice and b) you don't really do things out off work (after work drinks to me dont count) and c) you have only known eachother a matter of weeks


    If you feel closer to her later then invite her, I know is hard due to your destination, but I really wouldn't worry to much, I know you are so considerate of others which is why I think you feel so conflicted in terms of upsetting others, but truly it is your choice and no one else's business.
    I think you are right to head Jenny up that Rachel is not on list so to not discuss in front of her, but also as it is a small wedding you can justify itnonly being close people, and as you haven't known her that long, is perfectly reasonable to discount her at present. We all click differently with people so is not wrong to not invite her right now x
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  • Anonbride
    Expert July 2023 Cornwall
    Anonbride ·
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    Thank you lovely - really needed to hear that ♥️
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  • R
    VIP July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    I agree with Charlotte - you obviously have a much closer relationship with Jenny than with Rachel, so I doubt Rachel will be surprised if she finds out that Jenny has been invited and she hasn't been. (Your other friend joining the company is irrelevant, since he is already a friend and on the invite list before he's even started at the company, so therefore not a 'work friend'.)

    As long as you avoid discussing the wedding with Jenny in front of Rachel, I think it's fine. You can always invite Rachel later if you have space.

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  • Michelle
    VIP July 2024 Cheshire
    Michelle ·
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    I think you need to not over think like you said you have made good friends with one the other you were already friends with so dont worry touch just keep wedding talk under wraps while she is around you never know you might get to be good friends in the future if not its what you want x💗
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