Honeymoon fund instead of gift list - rude?

You appear willing to field gift enquiries (a traditional role for MOB). Therefore, your daughter can abdicate any responsibility (and potential clashes in taste/propriety) by directing guests to you, who is free to suggest money gifts.

That's true, it is traditional to ask the MOB. My mum still refused to tell people to send money though.

she kept pestering me for things to tell people. She says her own mother told everyone towels and bedding, so they had an airing cupboard full for about 25 years, some of it not used!

Holy Moly! What a thread!
Totally distracted me from writing my talk; I'm going to be up late tonight now, oops!

We haven't put anything on the invites about gifts. We have put together a wedding tumblr and one of the posts on there is about gifts; we've just said that any donations to our 'wood burning stove fund' would be greatly appreciated, but not expected (we've spent 18 months renovating our home and it's the last thing we need to get).

We did think about asking for honeymoon contributions, but decided that we'd just go for a honeymoon we could afford and use anything we get to help keep our house cosy and warm

Late to the party!

Everything else aside I just can not fathom why you would book a £4k honeymoon that you know you can not afford?!?! I understand the premise of wanting/deserving(?) a little time away just you and the hubby but this can be done easily for £1k, which may be more affordable to you. Maybe then you wouldnt have to be so rude and tell you guests how much they have to give you as a gift.

I have no problem with a honeymoon fund or gift list but honestly don't see the need for them these days. Your wedding guests know you so should know you have lived together for x amount of years and that you have everything you need.

We havent put anything in our invites and only one couple have asked (the bestman n wife) they are good friends of ours. They asked if we just wanted money as there was no gift list and I told them that it was completely up to them what they got us as a gift. I wouldnt want to say money only and take away the fun for them....they may have thought of an amazing gift that we would love and we have took that away from them (if that makes sense?) Plus im looking forward to the surprises ?

I think I have enquired on the wrong forum. What an unfriendly lot. Sorry, just thought I was asking for a bit of wedding advice. Really not understanding all this. First and last thread for me.

Wtf?

You really aren't understanding all this..you were given helpful and friendly advice. What's the problem?

The last couple of posts (the ones which were not quoting you) were not aimed at you. FTLOMB's advice was spot on. If your daughter puts "For gift information please contact rosies21" in her invitations, people will contact you, you can then say they'd rather have money for honeymoon/whatever. That's all that was being suggested!

Rosies 21: I think you just misunderstood. The replies were saying to you (granted somewhat cryptically) that you could put in the invites to ask you (the mother of the bride) about presents, as you are free to mention money without embarrassment Especially as it is often the mother of the bride who is asked anyway. Hope I helped!

As for the main question, I don't find suggesting an amount as horrifying an idea as most people here. I agree that it's not particularly tactful, but as she said, it's her close friends who know and love her, so in her circumstances it might be fine. And the reaction has been a little over the top, there are really worse things a person could do!

For me, I haven't done any of the gift stuff yet, but after reading this, I think I like the idea of just putting the URL at the bottom of the invite, nice and subtle, and just for those who want it

Perhaps it was a bit curt for a newbe ... we often talk in short hand or quick punchy advice comments ... no one was being rude, just suggesting your daughter puts on her invites for gift info to ask you!! traditionally this is the norm anyway.... really don't get why you have been offended? ?!!

Rosies21 you have just got the wrong end of the stick.

genuine advice was given to you which was to write something about gift enquories being directed to mother of the bride (you). The posts after you were about the thread as a whole , not your posts.

as I said earlier in the thread we have a couple of sentences on our invites that say present aren't expected but if people want to gve us anything we have a honeymoon fund or gift list and gives the web address. It's quite 'normal' / accepted to do that although obviously some people prefer not to have one.

Well this is a bit awkward...

I have a £70 Dualit toaster on my gift list (which has been bought, along with the £79 kettle)

*the shame*

Haha this made chuckle.

Hey Rosies don't worry about it. All forums can get a bit angsty at times. It seems the gift list issue is contentious wherever you go.

I just want to point out that I'm the OP and I didn't say abything about a 4k honeymoon... I think some of the replies are getting mistakenly mixed up with my original question lol.

Either way, it's still interesting to see everyone's opinions on the matter x

You're the OP?!

That figures, you're not shy to ruffle a few feathers are you?!.... Tattoo thread anyone?!!

Seems you aren't either :lol:

I freaking love Hitched.

Wow... Glorified begging anyone?! I think some people have got the true meaning of wedding is all about completely wrong!

i can appreciate a lot of people already live together and don't want guests wasting their hard earned cash on appliances the couple already have, so can understand a monetary gift being 'hinted' at.. But full on asking for house deposits and f'ing fridges?! what happened to having manners and being realistic? You can't expect guests to supplement your newlywed lifestyle!

As for booking a honeymoon on the basis of guests paying for it, a wedding and putting our house up for sale in the space of a couple of months combined with having a 5 year old means what we can't afford right now, we SAVE til we can or do without. I don't get the 'get what you can out of anyone you can' mentality. Ask yourself this... Are you going to be greatful for spending your special day with the people you love? Are you still going to be greatful if they can't afford a £50 gift?

Think about the position you're putting people in, because its certainly going to be talked about!

I've not seen pugsley make rude sweeping generalisations anywhere? Link me up?

Hi Fcheeks,

what would you suggest, do you think saying nothing is the best way to go?

We asked for cash if they're willing to but we're not fussed. we have spoken to family and friends about plans we have after the wedding so we could end up with gifts to help us with future projects? its a possibility. we not marrying for the money or gifts, candles, picture frames, ornaments all welcome (i need some vases after the cat smashed the last one, fingers crossed!)

Goodbye16, hi

personally we're not saying anything so for us its the best way to go! our wedding is huge but mostly family as we have big ones either side, all all our close family and friends know we live together and have everything we need. I aren't going to throw gifts back in anyone's face but they're just not that important for us to specify anyway! I think when you dictate to guests what you want and don't want it defies the whole point of it being a gift.

I would think: good girl, how lovely, no grabby gift requests, I shall gift them a lovely generous present.

Actually, I probably wouldn't because there has only been one occasion where I've had a gift list included in an invitation. For me and my friends/family, it is the norm to not mention anything.

However if people DO think that you want money but didn't want to say it, isn't that a good thing?

This thread is really making me question the idea of gift lists, I have only been to a few weddings but in each invite there has been a request of gifts, money or vouchers, 1 was a poem and the rest were just a little note on the invitation mentioning that they would like money etc. to go towards a honeymoon. I personally don't see the problem in poems or asking for something (as long as it is polite) When my cousin got married she had a poem in hers, and all the family were talking about how sweet the poem was and how nice it was to see something different.

I am planning on writing a little message asking for Thomson vouchers so we can put it towards a family holiday (I will obviously word it a lot better) but I do think that everyone should write exactly what they want on their invitations, however I do feel that asking for expensive things and a certain amount of money is extremely rude.

The more I read this thread the more guilty I feel about 'asking' for money/vouchers but everyone I have spoken to in real life has said they would prefer to have some guidance to what to get the bride and groom. I have to say the only time I have ever heard about how poems and gifts lists are rude is on this site.

Would anyone here send a birthday/housewarming/christening invitation and state (in anyway you like) that you would like x,y,z??

I actually think it's really sweet to see a good old fashioned gift list which includes things like toasters and picture frames etc. It's not relevant to most people now-a-days but it's very cute to help someone set up a new home as they get married.

nope, thats why I am a touch baffled when it comes a wedding that logic gets thrown out the window in favor of tradition.

I said this to my best mate, she got our invite and said "you forgot to put in what u want as presents".

I put her in her place and said that we didn't forget and that we are not using tacky poems.. Then I remembered she used a poem.. Whoops.

I think they are occasions where it's not usual that all your guests will get you/the baby a present. But at a wedding most people do get the couple something.

Glad you think it's cute, hopefully our guests will too! We do live together already but in a rented furnished flat so most of the stuff isn't ours.

This has been a helpful discussion, I still think you can't win no matter what you do but hopefully no guests will be offended by my line on the website and they won't be left thinking what on earth do I give them!

My son got nearly £1000 at his christening (which has been put away in savings for him) but that's slightly off topic.

Meet didn't mention a word to anyone.

I think because people see it as "normal" for a wedding then that's where the problem is.

my thou on it all is just don't ask!!

This has me up no end!

I can't remember who said it but I dint think you can always relay on family to pay more towards gifts or honeymoon. We gave his cousins 20quid even though their close as that's all we could afford at the time.

I certainly could not afford 50! Just out of curiosity how much is your wedding breakfast per head?

Mind you I have no idea if I will out a guest list in prob won't as if I get anything I love the surprise of it all!