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Anonbride
Expert July 2023 Cornwall

Should i invite them?

Anonbride, 30 of March of 2022 at 16:54 Posted on Etiquette and Advice 0 6

After some etiquette advice here please!

So, last year I moved back near my home town with FH. A friend I'd known from school reached out and we met up towards the end of last summer. Before then, I'd not seen or spoken to this friend in YEARS, but when we were about 14-16 she was one of my closest friends. Let's call her Ashley.

Ashley is engaged, and was when we first met up with her and her fiance. Immediately after this first meeting we received a save the date to their wedding - which felt a little weird but nice. I since found out her wedding is 100+ people so we may well be seat fillers but I'm not sure.

Since then, FH and I have obv got engaged ourselves and booked our venue - it just so happened that the only free Saturday at our venue was the weekend after Ashley's wedding so it feels awfully close to go to theirs to potentially not invite them to ours.

We've seem Ashely and her FH three times in total. But Ashley does message me A LOT about wedding stuff and I'm finding it a bit awkward chatting to her about it given that we haven't sent them a save the date... They are currently on our maybe list but I'm definitely getting a strong vibe they want to be invited, even though they know we're only planning on a small wedding.

I have no issues with her or her fiance and would be absolutely fine with her attending, it's just that our wedding is 50 people and we have less than 10 spots left so I feel a bit nervous giving up two of them to people we've only just got back in touch with...

It may be that we become close friends between now and the wedding, given that we now live nearby to each other, but the last time we met up FH said he wasn't so sure how much we'd have to talk about if we weren't both getting married :/

Any advice?

6 replies

Latest activity by RomanticGreenStationery27135, 31 of March of 2022 at 10:25
  • Charlotte
    VIP April 2022 Wiltshire
    Charlotte ·
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    I guess as her wedding is the week before yours, is it really fiesable that you will attend? If you are not planning on attending then theat would help in a decision on if you should invite them, silimalrly, they are likely to be on honeymoon so wouldnt attend yours anyway, IF you invite them. Knowing the issues you have had already and what you weant for your day in terms of guests and intimicay they have not made the cut so I wouldnt feel you should now invite them due to them inviting to theirs. If and when you get an invite and you feel is too close to yours then you can respectfully decline and then when you are doing your invites if you feel you want to invite them then do,, but only if you want them there. It is hard when people come back in to your life, but you have a way to go, so things may change.Also as your wedding is destination this would be something they need to factor in. Does she know your date? are you able to try and find out if they wull be on honeymoon so wound be able to come in advance? Honestly, you need to do what you are comfortable with, not people please X

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  • Anonbride
    Expert July 2023 Cornwall
    Anonbride ·
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    We had planned on going to their wedding as it's very local to us so easy to get to.

    I know they are potentially considering a mini-moon (I wonder if they knew about our wedding they would turn attending into this mini-moon!) and planning their actual honeymoon to be later when they've saved up.

    At the moment I've tried really hard to avoid telling them the date. I've just said it's summer 2023 and I've told her a bit of a lie and said we've only told the wedding party the exact date so far while we figure out how many spots we have to fill with family before we can think about inviting friends... but there's only so long I can keep that up!

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  • Michelle
    VIP July 2024 Cheshire
    Michelle ·
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    Cant say it any better than Charlotte xx But is about what you both want not others x💗 good luck xx
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  • Charlotte
    VIP April 2022 Wiltshire
    Charlotte ·
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    I think you have do e the right thing, as you say you are still sorting your guest list out so you are not lying, and is your decision to disclose it when you want. At the end of the day it will be what it will be, if you do invite and they can't come as they have planned something then so be it, accept their invite when it comes as by them you may have been able to make your decision about Inviting them, there is no rule that there is an expectation to reciprocate an invite
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  • Anonbride
    Expert July 2023 Cornwall
    Anonbride ·
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    Thank you Smiley smile I wasn't sure if it was poor etiquette not to invite them given that we are going to theirs!

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  • R
    VIP July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    Not poor ettiquette at all. Their wedding is twice the size of yours, so they have a lot more latitude when inviting people.

    I've been invited to several 100+ guest weddings. Only one of those couples got invited to our wedding because we could only host a maximum of 30. The smaller your wedding is, the more ruthless you have to be over the guest list.

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