Awkward situation

I have an insight into how you feel as my Mum has said similar things to me. My Mum is rather vain (and selfish!) and she doesn't like the idea of being a Grandma / Nana / Nan etc. She is 61 after Easter so hardly in her 1st flush of youth but anyway....

I don't think you should let your Mum's comment get to you but l know that is often easier said than done. If you and your husband are ready and want a baby then you should go for it. As you said it is your decision and is not anything to do with her. You never know she might be happy about it you having a baby when it happens or when she gets used to the idea.

I wouldn't let her opinion bother you to be honest, people say things without thinking they dont really mean. My mum and dad (not together by the way, so even more funny that they both shared the opinion and voiced it) both said to me not to do anything daft like get pregnant as soon as I got married. As it turns out, I have no intention of having children any time soon, and now both parents have started mentioning seeing grandchildren hehe.

If and when you do get pregant, just explain you have some great news, and a grandchild who will be looking forward to meeting their grandma in 9 months? By the time baby comes I'm sure she will feel different, she wont want to miss it.

Hiya

Sorry you are going through it with your mum, is never good when families have these issues!

Have you tried to find out wth her why she keeps saying that? What is behind such huge worry for you getting a baby so soon? Sometimes just listening to what she has to say might help you see her point of view , opening for you to show yours and minimize any impact on you actually getting a baby so soon.

Maybe she is more than just not wanting to be called a granny, she could be paranoid with so many mariages breaking down after a child is brough into the world and then left with parents apart and she thinks that would be hard on you and the child if that helps to you. I am not saying it would happen to you, of course not, but that could be her worry and she just needs reassurance from you as a couple that this is your decision even with the uncertainty of the future...

Maybe she knows how hard is to raise a child and just trying to make you enjoy your married life to the max before it all becomes all nappies, no sex and late nights for a while ?

In any case, another question to make her is if not now, when?

And see what she says!

I believe having mum by our sides when the little'one arrives is great and if you are going to fall out with her, ight it be after you tried to make some sense of the situation so you know you did everything you could

Good luck hon

Awww this is an tricky one.

It might be that she wants you to live your life first, have a bit of fun being married and then settle down, you said that she is a young mum, so maybe she does not want you to go through what she went though,

but that all said and done

its your life, your married now, so the decision is yours and your hubbys, and i have 2 children, and find that there is nothing more rewarding than this, but my mum was a bit shocked when i first told her(she never knew i was trying) and i used to get the whole, you'll never cope, its so hard, and i use to always think, well u done it, so why cant i??? and i have proved them all wrong, and am the best mum lol

You prob just need to maybe say to her that you are trying, so she gets used to the idea, if she doesn;t like it, just let her have her huff and ignore her, dont let this ruin your first year of marriage, and the idea of having bubbas

good luck hun

Hello again!

First of all thank you all girls for everything. Just to give you an idea about my mum, here is her story. My mum met my dad when she was 18 and they were just going out. Mum got pregnant by accident when she was 19 and my dad insisted she should have an abortion as they were not serious but she refused. Because of that they decided to get married so people dont gossip about them. It was the 80's then so being a single mum was really harder as people were really judgmental. My parents spent 15 years of an unhappy marriage sleeping in separate rooms etc and I was a witness of all that. Dad was lazy at the time and wasnt working with the excuse he was studying for uni, but wasnt doing well with his exams and mum was the only one working in a job that wasnt really paying much. With this money she had to pay for me, the rent, the bills and food. That means that her a 20 year old little girl sacrificed everything in her life....she could not have that nice dress on the window that everyone wants and all her friends wear because its either the dress or food for the baby and she cant go on holiday because there is no money. Now she has a very happy life but she only became happy when her and dad got divorced and that was her very late 30's. At that point she did everything she wanted and could not do with my dad....bought a house, partied with friends, got new clothes, went on holidays etc etc etc. I completely understabd why she would freak out but my situation is completely different. I got married to the man I love cause we chose to, we both work in good jobs and my husband is certainly not lazy and earns a decent salary as he works his arse off, we have a good life and a house and we travel a lot. Example: we got married in Greece in July, september we went to spain, october in greece, december in greece again, in may we are going guess where...greece lol and in september we are going to egypt! etc etc....All we do is work to gather money 24 hours a day. Having a baby means we wouldnt be able to travel that frequently as all the money goes there but still if you are careful with your money and save you could always have a family holiday once a year, somewhere....I know lots of people with kids that are sooo happy and travel as a family for summer holiday! I believe a child fills up your marriage, I dont think it ruins it at all....I am aware of all the responsibilities, once they used to put me off, but not anymore....I am now prepared to do what it takes and put a baby first. And I also think we would be wonderful parents especially my husband....he would be the greatest daddy in the world. :-)

I think she is just worried because of her own mistakes but you cant even compare her life to mine! She freaked out when I told her I was getting married....she went through a few days of trying to persuade to not do it and eventually she backed off and she was the most supportive person at the wedding.....it wouldnt have been so perfect if it wasnt for my mum! She paid for the whole reception as a wedding gift! She is always there and she is a brilliant mum and I love her to bits....I think she is the best.....she is just paranoid and worried lol (i am her only child as well). The problem with her is that when she freaks out she just says things she doesnt mean but we have always been like that me and her....we scream at each other and 5 minutes later we have already forgotten about it like it never happened....when I was a teenager she was my worst enemy hahaha god i gave her a hard time lol. We have our growls and then we move on it is always the case....so i think when it happens she is gonna have to be told, she will go nuts and then a few days later she will be planning her next visit to come and show me how things should be done and check I am eating right...she is always like that....I really cant be bothered with the growling though... I just want to avoid it.....and NO NO NO I wont be telling her it was intentional! GOD NO! If she thinks it was an accident she is less likely to try and murder me lol On the other hand hers was an accident and I dont want her to think I am NOT happy....so it needs to come across as a surprise but a happy one.....go figure.

I was on the phone to her today chatting. And I was being sick last night. Her first question when she found out: Is there a chance you are pregnant? I said I dont think so, as it is unlikely (we havent tried yet). And she said: just be careful, if you get pregant then say buy to travels, good times and everything, thats when the responsibilities start!

OH DEAR HERE WE GO AGAIN I was thinking lol. Let see where it goes. We still want to go ahead with it and we are really excited! It will be so lovely and strange to have a mini Andrew in the house lol (i hope it looks like my husband....i do hope it takes after him).

Once again ladies thanks for all your lovely responses! Will be glad to hear from you anytime! Will keep you posted!

The link to my wedding report is right underneath....you will find photos of my mum there and you will see how young she is and looks....long straight black hair and a long dress with white, blue/grey and beige.

I think she's just worried for you. You're her baby and she wants you to be fully prepared for parenthood before you decide. But like with the wedding, she will be supportive if it happens. It might not happen straight away anyway, so she'll have time to adapt

Yeah true....to be fair, she will always regard me as ''her baby''. If it was to happen 10 years later she would still give me the same reaction I think lol As soon as she realises I am happy she calms down!

:-)

Hi chick. Having read just some of the posts on here, and your description of your mums challenging entry into parenthood, I have to say that 1) you sound like you would be fabulous parents.... Lots of love and financial security. 2) Yes, your mum possibly is still a little concerned about you giving up your 'freedom' (though I'm 38 and have been a mum for nearly 20years, and I wouldn’t swap a single day for all the freedom and money in the world!!) 3) mum -hate to suggest it- may be a tad bitter/jealous that she had it so tough yet you have got it all wrapped up nicely...... Although she should be ultra proud of herself for that, as she obviously did a fab job of bringing you up!!! But I think it could well be 4) that mum is a tad scared of her little girl needing her even less. Handing you over to be married was probably hard enough, but accepting and admitting to herself that you have cut the apron strings enough to be a mummy yourself quite possibly scares her. It's like her role in life changes upon becoming a nanna...... WE know you will always need her love, moral and practical support, and that she will have a really important role to play in any wee ones life, but maybe she feels a little surplus to requirements so is trying to delay the changes. I do think it's worth broaching the subject and of course reassuring her that she taught you well and will still be needed. Good luck with it all..... Mum will come round in the end and be a totally doting nanna!!! Now get back in the bedroom Mrs!!!!!! :0) xx

I am at work bored and just read that...you just made me laugh really loud hahaha Thanks soooo much for your wonderful words! :-)