Why do so many women change their name?

I think this has been discussed here before ?, if I am not mistaken.

In any case, I will give my opinion again.

I would never change my name alone. I really love my parents, and replacing my name with anyone else's would feel just wrong.Specially if I am the only one to do it.

We are considering going double barreled, and we will both change it. We will both be Mr. and Mrs. hers-his surname. My OH says he loved the idea, and this would suit me to a T.

Having the names of the 2 most special men in my life together, to be seen by everyone, and knowing OH also adopted my family is just ideal in my world.

But I do agree with you when women just replaces their names, but I guess everyone knows their own reasons and believes why they have done so.

It would never cross my mind NOT to do so... I'm looking forward taking my OH name. And if we ever have Children I will share their name also. Never really thought any different.

Hi All,

Interesting points made from both sides - I can see where you are coming from - and what I am about to say I don't want to offend but here goes:

Why bother getting married if you aren't prepared to take on someone else's name?

Also - what has your husbands thought about this?


I think my OH would take it as a bit of a snub. I am really looking forward to becoming a Mrs and taking on his name is a privilege - I will always be what I was born as - I don't see the problem in changing your name - isn't that what you are supposed to do?

That's just my little opinion in the mix.

Also, wanted to add - I know of a man who took his wife's name - so it works both ways.

Hi, thanks a lot for your comments!

lil_2014 - I agree with your points and also feel that double-barrelling is a way to stay true to your original identity as well as incorporate the new identity that emerges with marriage. This is also an option hubby & I may take in the future.

Missmuff - I also want to share the same name as my children, which is why hubby & I will give them both of our names. What’s your opinion of double-barrelling the children’s names?

MinkyPinkyBlush - No offence taken ? To answer your questions:

Taking on the husband’s surname has never been mandated by law – it is purely customary. It came about with the 18th century legal doctrine of couverture which stated that a woman ceased to exist as an individual once she got married. It became a social convention for the woman to change her name since she was considered to be the property of the husband, but it was never a legal obligation. Marriage, in my opinion, is about formalising a relationship and making a promise to commit to each other for life. Being prepared to take on someone’s name does not even enter into the equation.

My husband and I discussed this issue in depth before we got married. He considers that a woman changing her name is a convention designed to show others that a couple is married and that it has no bearing on the inner workings of a relationship. He thinks that it is no reflection on the mutual respect, love and commitment required to make a marriage work. In short, he considers a woman changing her name to be a superficial detail that has no real significance.

You said your OH may take it as a bit of a snub if you don’t take his name – why do you think that is? Does he consider his name to be more important than yours? Is this something you’ve discussed with him?

Hiya!

I think he and his family would actually!

And thinking a little more into it, if I was him and my bride to be didn't want to take my last name - I think I would wonder why not...Isnt it good enough!? haha!

But then it's not something I would bring up because I am happy to take his last name. I don't know of anyone who would not take on their husbands name - I think it's all part of getting married and starting a new life together & that's what makes the emotion of the day all the more powerful.

I completely agree with you and hubby as to why you don't see it makes any difference whether you do or don't - I guess it's just down to personal preference and if you are both happy with what you have both decided on what works for you both - then that's great. x

I'm definitely a feminist but I'll be changing my name because that's what I want to do.

I think it's sexist to assume that the woman will or to expect her to but it's my choice and it's what I want. I love my family and they're amazing but I want my little family (H2B, me and future littles!) to be tied together with one name. I wouldn't judge anybody else for not wanting that but it's what I want. H2B and I talked about it and he wanted to take my name at first but I didn't like that idea - not because he's the man but because his Scottish name is part of him and will be part of our family since we live here (my name's English)

We discussed all the options and in the end, what I really want, is to take his name. It won't define me as 'his' anymore than my current name defines me as belonging to my parents. I'm my own person, making my own choices, and completely ignoring all of my so-called feminist friends who role their eyes at the idea because us ladies should support the choices of other ladies, even if they're not the ones we'd pick for ourselves

The first time I got married I didn't change my name and the only person who really objected was my father-in-law (this was in the 80's). He actually rang my father to ask him to speak to me! My dad was appalled and told him that it was nothing to do with them! (I also called myself Ms not Mrs - and funnily enough my bank account still says Ms as I've never changed it.)

Fast forward - got divorced and then set up home with new person (now married to) - still kept my maiden name. Then I had a child and after a while it all got too confusing having different names in the same household so I changed my name to his by deed poll.

Finally - I married my OH and of course didn't have to change my name because I'd already done so by deed poll. I obviously like to make things complicated!!

As others have said, it depends on your personal tastes. I think there is something romantic about taking the husband's name, and if you're having kids it makes it all simpler for every family member to have the same last name. However, I totally understand why some wives want to keep their maiden last names, since it becomes such a part of your identity in life. I have no problem with people choosing either option.

It is really hard to say.

I changed my name but had to think about it for a long time, and it did feel very strange as I'd been that name forever. But then I'm also not the same person and I like the idea of the whole family (hen we eventually have kids) having the same name. It's not about his name being more important, I am much more than my name, it's only a small part of me and my relationship.

To be honest though, i don't give a monkeys what other people do, it's about personal choice and I can see both sides, I don't really get why people get so worked up about what someone else does.

Hi, I get married in August next year and I'm not changing my name. My OH is perfectly fine with this. We won't be having children together but I have two daughters 18 and 16 who OH treats as his own and they treat him as a father. I'm now 39 and think I'm too old to be changing my name but also my parents gave me this name as a birthday present. The only person who has a slight problem is mum in law to be. But I get on great with her and think it's just because taking on the mans name was the thing to do when she got married. I'm still making a commitment to him just without his name.

I really don't think there is a right or wrong answer to this.

I didn't mind changing my name because I wanted to have kids and I want the same name as them. I see my identity as being far more than my name but I do want to anchor myself to the new family unit we're creating. I didn't see it as changing my name to my husband's but rather my father's name (there's none of my mother's maiden name in my former name) to my children's. Yes, I could double barrel but there are only so many generations that can do that, well one, before it gets ridiculous, so I decided that was an option I'd allow my children to have, as I'm not a Professional with an established reputation.

I've always thought it was funny that the family takes on the male's name, when paternity isn't always 100% but maternity is. If my great-great-great-great grandma cheated on her husband, we might all be carrying the name of a family we have no relation to.

I will not be taking my spouse's name, but am okay that the children do, because it is tradition. However, we are aware that in our family it will also be meaningless, because his dad was adopted, making the family name not representative of their heritage.

I took my husband's name when I got married in my 20s.

This time I probably won't, and I still have my ex's name. I'm not 100% comfortable with that to be honest but it is also my children's name, and having the same name as them is something I do want. Plus it would be complicated professionally, as almost all of my published work is under my married name.

I had considered double barrelling. but then my name wouldn't match anyone's, as my OH is planning on keeping his name to match his children's!

I think some things like a family sharing a name are a bigger deal in our minds than they actually are. I have friend's whose mom kept her name, and it doesn't seem odd to anyone at all, that's just how they are. For me, hypenating isn't a choice because my fiance and I have rhyming last names!

I don't get why people make such a big deal out of this. It's up to you what you want to do.

Personally I can't wait to be come Mrs OH's name. I've never questioned that's what I will do even though he has a slightly odd surname. I'm not planning on having children either so it's not for that reason.

As someone else said it's a romantic thing to do and I certainly won't feel any less of an individual.

We got married in November 2013 & I will probably keep my maiden name but just change my prefix to mrs. My mum & dad are both dead & I like having their name & dont want to change it. I dont see a problem with keeping my maiden name at all. Its not a legal requirement & I am not asking my OH to change his name to mine so why should I change my name to his?? I havent actually discussed this with my OH as I didnt think I needed to.

We both have adult children from our previous marriages & wont be having children together so this isnt an issue.

I was just discussing this point in work today as I get married in September and this is currently something I'm considering. I will probably keep my name for professional reasons as I do some freelance work and have built up a reputation under my maiden name however; I may change my name for personal use (bank accounts, passport etc).

I agree that it is each individual’s choice but I don't really buy the feminist argument that, as women we shouldn't have to take a man's name. I already have a man's surname - my father’s and as my parents divorced when I was still a baby and I don't have a relationship with my father then I can't see any reason to keep his name.

I guess its just personal opinion. My OH and I have discussed this since getting engaged 3 years ago and I have always want to take his surname and will do when we wed on 16th May 2015.

I took my first husbands name because I saw it as us becoming a family, especially as I was pregnant at the time. I then kept the name after the divorce because it now belonged to my children and I didn't want them to feel tainted by the actions of their father. By keeping the name, I hoped to reassure them that it didn't matter what they were called, it was their actions that mattered. Their father had treated both them and myself very badly so it was important we kept our sense of family intact. This time round I will be taking my husband's name with the blessing of my children and a real sense of a new beginning and a much happier future. That means more than anything to me as my h2b saved my life with his ability to make me smile again. I am honoured to become Mrs Austin x

I haven't decided what to do about this, l think l might keep my maiden name at work and change my name at home as a compromise. I do find it amusing when people say won't the man be angry or upset if you won't change your name. I never think it is reasonable to ask someone to do something you wouldn't do yourself. Maybe some women are angry and / upset at having to change their name! It sounds a little obnoxious but my name is nicer than his, easier to spell and l will have had it for 34 years.

I often wonder that as well. If l was to have a baby and l wasn't married then the baby would have my surname.

I will be changing my name but will never be a mrs. The issue I have is that its the mrs part that defines our marital status. Strangers all the time ask if you are a miss or mrs....how is my relationship info any of their business? I have 3 children by 2 dad,one is with my htb,and 3surnames in the family is a real pain. Plus my current surname honestly means nothing to me...the only other person who shares it is my dad and that relationship is rather complicated. So,I will have a new surname but still be a ms. Makes perfect sense to me but I know someone on the wedding day will do the mr and mrs thing and I will either bite my tongue or correct them,depending on who it is.

I'm struggling to make a decision on this at the moment. I had always assumed that if/when I got married I would change my name. I also always thought that I would be glad to, as my name is quite unusual and I always wanted to get rid of it.

However, now that I am living overs-seas my name feels like a connection to my home and family and I would be sad to see it go.

My OH is actively encouraging me to keep my own name (it was him who raised the topic, not me), and at one stage he even approached my Dad to ask permission for him to take our family name instead which my parents thought was a great idea. He knows that family is very important to me, and his family has a very difficult history, so he says he would be quite happy to see the line come to an end, while he loves being a part of my family and would like to see that continue.

He has now changed his mind about changing his name as it would devastate his Dad, the one family member he is close to. I totally accept that, but while I would be happy and proud to keep my family name, the thought of us not being a unified Mr and Mrs seems sad to me. And even more so if we were to have kids who wouldn't share my name.

Double barrelling is an option, but I'm not a fan of how our names sound together, whichever way we put them.

Sorry to hijack your question, but I'd appreciate some input on this topic too.

Nowadays there are so many freedoms, not just legal but moral too, that mean we can all do pretty much what we want with names and not just related to marriage. Increasingly men are changing their names, couples are keeping their original names and couples are double barreling their names yet the main is that women still change their name to their new husband simply because they want to, not because they have to. As long as it's throuigh freedom of choice then in my book it deosn't matter what you do. One person's choice being different to another doesn't make it wrong, sexist or archaic.

I think a lot of people probably agree with you. There is something nice about the parents, and kids, all having the same name and what that signifies.

Totally agree, im exactly the same as you, married before with children and i will be taking my husbands name with their blessing xx

I'm taking his name and becoming a Mrs (not in the OP but someone else mentioned it) for several reasons:

1) I definitely want us both to have the same name, as a family unit. As someone said earlier, my maiden name is linked to my father, and his family, and while that is important to me and always will be, I consider our marriage to be the beginning of our own family, our little team, and will change my name to signify this.

2) BUT I'm not a stickler for women having to change their name, or not, he would have considered taking my name it's just that his surname is a little more interesting than mine (which is INCREDIBLY common where I'm from - if nothing else it'll make booking restaurants easier!)

3) I want to be "Mrs" for the same reason as 1, we will be Mr AND Mrs. But I won't be offended if anyone calls me Ms.

4) I will consider retaining my maiden name for professional purposes, as a lot of people know me by it, and particularly in my current fixed term contract where it would be cruel to make my employer pay out for new business cards etc only to see me leave a year later. I might then change it when I move into another job/ on my CV. One of the women I most admire in her career is a Ms with her maiden name for professional reasons.

5) Lastly and sort of incidental, but: I feel that becoming a Mrs will help my career - I'm at the awkward stage where I have enough experience (and grey hair!) to do certain jobs, but am presumed to be too young, and subconsciously being a Mrs will make people think of me differently.

But I'm not really militant about any of this - we are lucky that change of name is a choice and that prevailing social convention now seems to understand that and allow for us all to make that choice as individuals (God bless democracy) - basically, whatever works for you!

Because both our initials are SJC now! [laugh

Exactly this!

While I grew up with a different name to my mum and it didn't bother me, I do like the idea of us all (when we start our own family) having the same name.

I'm going to take my husband's surname not because I have to or he believes or society believes I should but because I want. And like others have said when we have children I like the idea of us all having the same name. But I think it's definitely a personal choice and that everybody has the right to decide what works best for them. I have a friend who wanted to double barrel but the names didn't work together so she kept her own name. Whatever works best for each couple. I'd be most interested to know what same sex couples have chosen to do?