Do they have to say my surname?

Can you ask your venue? I know in a church wedding, you have to have the full names, but it might be different at a civil ceremony.

The alternative might be to change your name just before your wedding and then change your passport/driving licence straight from your current name to your married one. You only need to change your passport if you are travelling (or needing to use it to prove ID) and you can get a statutory declaration to change your driving licence.

The best thing is to ask your registrar. You won't be the first person who has had this issue, so they should be able to find the answers for you.

View quoted message Thank you so much. I have tried calling a few numbers but no answer. I was genuinely checking the date incase it was some sort of national holiday haha

From a psychological/emotional viewpoint, it might be worth changing your name now anyway - two years is a long time to carry a surname that reminds you of your abuser.

View quoted message I’ve been carrying it for 21 years and 6 years since I got free so what’s another 2 years, I guess?

It doesn't cost anything to change your name by deedpoll.


https://www.gov.uk/change-name-deed-poll/make-an-adult-deed-poll
You need to print out the deedpoll, sign it and have two witnesses sign and date it. I believe you need two copies, and you may well need to send the original deed poll so make sure you scan it so you have one on file.
Then you can use it to legally change your name on passport, bank statements etc.
Most organisations including passport office and banks take the self created one as enough evidence, but please double check, as this could have changed.
Double check about changing the name on birth certificates, but if understand your situtauon, then your birth certificate is already different to your current surname?
You don't have to live with a name that brings you trauma and pain, married or not!
Loads of people change their surnames! When you get married it's a legally binding ceremony so they will likely have to say you're entire name and you'll definitely have to put it on the marriage registration, so it will be on your official certificate too! (You don't sign under your husbands surname, it's always your maiden name).

I think for legal reasons they need to say your full name. However, I think they can say whatever surname you usually go by and what you've asked the registra to go on the marriage certificate (before you get married). My original birth certificate has my father's name but my mother added her surname by deed poll when I was 10 and this was the name read out during the ceremony. Defo check with the registra, they may have a way around to as noone would want to say your abusers name during one of they happiest days of your life.

I can relate with the name trauma although different reasons, my ex husband was my abuser so I changed my name asap well before the divorce came through.
I'm so sorry you're struggling with this, my advice would be to take that pressure and potential upset off yourself now. Yes it is expensive to change documents although not the deed poll itself but so are most things wedding related! I'd consider it a necessary expense and factor it in accordingly. You could try making a list of everything you'd like for the wedding and prioritising them regardless of cost. If that feeling of comfort at your ceremony is high up on that list then get the name changed even if it might be letting something else go! This has helped me filter the wish list down and realise what I really really would like on our day!

View quoted message Thank you.
I looked into the whole process but I have already send the paperwork off to the registrar and got the email yesterday about paying the non refundable deposit so I think I’d have to pay to change it now with them

Hi, sorry to hear that this is a source of anxiety for you. If it helps, we had our civil ceremony last week. You will in the legal vows have to declare your full legal name. However, for the rest of the ceremony you will be addressed by your first name only and also can decide how you are announced as a couple at the end - we opted to just go by first names. You can also change details on the registry paperwork without cost on the day. On the wedding day you have a brief interview to check your paperwork details and can just change them with the registrar e.g. new address, job role etc. if you want to add/remove a parent and their occupation - so we updated our job titles as these had both changed in the last 6 months free of charge, a change of name may be different, but you can email them to discuss and check this in advance. I hope on the day itself you can focus on celebrating your new start with your partner - and celebrate taking your new name x

I agree change your name to your married name by deed poll before your wedding. A colleague of mine did this for reasons that aren’t my business but it was fine “do you Jane smith take thee John smith”

View quoted message UPDATE:


I got in contact with the ceremonies team that I will be dealing with and like someone else said changing those details with them is free. I do however have to provide a passport with the new name on it or provide my birth certificate and my mothers plus copies of the deed polls so I will be getting a new passport as I don’t speak to my family.
Thank you everyone for your wonderful help and support.
Hopefully my having asked this question will help someone else that may be in a similar situation.

View quoted message Congratulations! So glad you got that sorted.

So glad this is sorted for you!

I get married next week and i have the same situation as you where my mum changed my surname to match the 'family' name when i was younger and now she's divorced she changed her name so i'm the only one with my abusers surname. I have a double barrelled surname where i can just drop the end part which is his name so it'll be very strange to hear that read out in the ceremony! I think i'm choosing to look at it in a different way though...i'm going to be emotional in the ceremony as i'll finally be changing my surname but more for a different reason in that i'll be FINALLY leaving my past to rest so i'm actually looking forward to them reading out my full name so it'll be the last time i hear it. Sorry i just had to comment on your post due to being able to relate but i found it interesting that we've apporached it from different sides, i really hope you get the peace you need x

View quoted message How was your wedding? Was hearing your surname for the last time as nice as you thought it would be? Congratulations to you and your spouse!! ❤️

View quoted message It was so lovely, thanks for asking ❤️ honestly cannot describe the sensation, it was as strange as I thought it would be but in a good way! It put a big grin on my face to hear my new last name and it's a moment I'll definately cherish forever! Thankyou 😁

I'm sorry about what you've been through and I understand why you don't want to use your last name on your wedding day. It's great that you managed to figure this out. Childhood trauma should not overshadow the most beautiful day! Perhaps someone else has encountered this problem and it would be useful for them to know. The registrar will ask you to give your full names during the ceremony, as well as the names of your parents. This is a legal requirement and cannot be changed. However, you can ask the registrar to say your last name as quietly or quickly as possible so that it is not so noticeable. You can also ask your friends and relatives not to repeat your last name in their speeches or congratulations. After marriage, you can change your last name to your husband's last name using your marriage certificate as proof of your new name. You will need to update your passport, driver's license and other documents with your new name. This may cost money and take some time, but it will allow you to get rid of the unwanted last name. I hope this helps you. I wish you all a happy and peaceful wedding.

I'm glad you got this sorted

I'm also loving the Dr Who reference in your first post

View quoted message I’m glad someone loved it 😊

I'm having this same problem my divorce hasn't long been finalised and I was engaged to my current partner whilst trying to finalise it, my wedding is in 15 months, plus we're first time home owners with a lot of work to do before we can move in so money is pretty tight to spend on changing my name to my maiden name on everything before the wedding to only change it again once married. I don't really want them to say my previous married name in the wedding, I don't mind it being on the wedding certificate as I'll only see it when I change to my FH name in just over a year. Is it worth me putting myself in more financial strain if I'm just going to change it again anyways, my FH doesn't mind if they say my previous married name in the ceremony but I mind a little as I don't want to think about my ex husband on the day, a family member said I'd be thinking about the previous marriage on the day anyways as I'll be comparing it in my mind. Do I keep my current name (which is my ex husbands) and then change it to my FHs? Or do I change it to my maiden name and then again to my FHs next year? 🤔🤔🤔

View quoted message I did it and the only thing I paid for was a new passport and that was only because I was going on holiday and it had been booked under the new name.
I’m in the UK and I don’t know if you are too but when I spoke to our local offices about what I need to bring to get the licence next year, she said I would need to bring my birth certificate, passport and any name change documents if your name doesn’t match your birth name so won’t you have to take your old marriage certificate if you don’t change it? Maybe I’m wrong because it’s not the same where you are but it might be worth looking into

Congratulations by the way!!