Does anyone have any experience of having two weddings?
I read about grooms tearing up and getting all emotional (and brides) and this was the case at anumber of weddings I have been too. I'm worried I'm destroying the chance of actually enjoying or experiencing either wedding? I'm wondering if by doing it twice it removes some of the emotion?
My fiance isn't the emotional or mushy sort to begin with but I want him to feel positive about the ceremony on the day because if we both have a happy day then that starts our marriage on the right note and is a shared happy memory for our future. I'd like to think two weddings = twice the joy but that is me and I don't know if that is how he would feel about it as we are often complete opposites. I love drama and the theatrical and he loves a simple life. We have been together for years and have 2 children though so it sort of works somehow most of the time but we often have a different perspective on our shared experiences. Being together for years might reduce the impact of the wedding anyway!
I want an exciting elopement which celebrates our love of the outdoors and is unconventional. He wants a traditional wedding with his family there. Two weddings seems the best compromise anyway BUT I worry we could just end up with two mediore weddings with no emotional impact and asymetric memories of the event. We originally booked a nice country venue with gorgeous scenery which sort of ticked both boxes but then covid messed it all up.
Our original or 'real' wedding was rescheduled for next year because of covid but we need to get married sooner than that. Will it now feel like a 'fake' wedding? We need the legal marriage for some important purchases and changes in living circumstances coming up as it should have already been sorted by now. So we are planning an adventure elopement to address this and it is happening in about 3 weeks. I am really excited about this and think it sounds awesome. I wanted to do something exciting as I personally know I would hate going down a reistration office but he may react the same way to the adventure wedding as I would to the registration office for all I know! The elopement is an outdoor mountain top ceremony so it could be freezing and lashing with rain or a blizzard and probably we aren't going to be able to say our vows in a meaningful way, we will be shouting over the wind! This really appeals to me because I am a bit of an adrenaline junkie but I am not sure my fiance is as bothered, I worry he could either love it or hate it and if he hates it that will upset me because it shouldn't be like that and it will get things off on a bad foot, if he loves it then it will be awesome. I just want us both to love it. But then will it ruin how we feel about the second wedding either way? The second wedding is more expensive which is a lot of money wasted if it feels done and over and unemotional. It matters to me that he finds it moving or meanginful, but will he if we are already married? Will I?
The adventure wedding is also making me feel a bit happier because I was a worried about how much I would enjoy the main wedding anyway as I don't feel relaxed
around lots of people and could spend most of the day stressed out by it
all, especially as they are mostly his family and friends. I know he wants a party and I know my mum really wants to see us get married and she is too unwell to go up a mountain with us. I sort of see the elopement as insurance so at least one wedding should be enjoyable, but maybe by doing it twice neither will be? Or we might prefer different weddings which wouldn't be a disastor.
I have asked him what he thinks he would find most meaningful and
emotional but he barely talks about emotions, he just says 'how
can I know what I'll feel on the day?' and 'whatever is cheapest and ticks boxes.' He doesn't do big romantic gestures and likes things simple and
thinks two weddings is massively overcomplicating things. He says
he would rather just go to the reigstration office and get
chips full stop because it is cheap! I don't
believe him entirely though, he is the
sort of person who really appreciates when someone buys him something but if
he
was buying it for himself he would probably not bother or use ebay. He will like the traditional wedding at least I'm sure...but maybe less so if we've already legally done it? Or not? Is it twice the fun? Anyone been in a similar situation?
Does already being technically married mean he won't be misting up at the sight of me in my dress saying vows we have already (sort of) said? He will be seeing me in my dress the first time anyway! I worry he will just be resenting how much it cost since we are now already married, instead of focusing on the marriage part! Most of the guests will be his relatives and friends so this should make it feel more meaningful to him? For me the ceremony is the thing that matters but I think the important part about the sequel wedding, especially for him and for our relatives, is that we are saying our vows in front of others so it is a way for us to formalise our commitment in the eyes of our closest friends and family, also we will all get to dress up properly for this one and our kids are desperate to wear bridesmaid dresses instead of hiking clothes which they won't be able to do on top of a mountain!
I'm taking the view that having two weddings is also an insurance against one turning out to be a terrible disastor or not happening at all (after covid cancelling our wedding three times I now live in permanent doubt about the future) but what I might have done is made sure that neither is a success!!
I've made him sound like a really miserable miser lol! He is a kind man, just not very romantic.
How did you and your husband feel about the wedding? Was it the same or different? Does having a good or bad reaction on the day to the wedding affect how you feel about the marriage?
