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Newbie Bride September 2020 Bristol

Mum not spoken to me for 2 months since the wedding

Charlie, 28 November 2020 at 21:01 Posted on Just Married 1 3
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Hi, I'm looking for some advice. We were going to have a massive party and get married during it - second time round for both of us and we wanted to do things differently. Everyone was fine with this plan. Then the pandemic came. We weren't sure what was happening and rather than make plans which would keep on having to be changed we decided to get married, just the two of us, with two witnesses, and have the party next year. (my new husband also has children with special needs, so to have people there to look after them and also our elderly mums would have changed the dynamic to quite intense care giving, so we decided not to have any family so that we could concentrate on the marriage - if we'd been having the party the care giving element would have been much easier with more people about who know the children)

Two days before the wedding my mum told me that even though she thought she'd be ok with this, she wasn't. She felt hurt and rejected and depressed and unwell as a result of our decision. I We talked through the issues and she said that we should just have the mums and not the children - she couldn't see that this would be hurtful for the children. The children were fine with not coming, because they knew that everything had changed because of the pandemic. My mum hasn't spoken to me in the 2.5 months since and she, my sister, and family are furious with us. My husbands family were disappointed but understood and we see them on zoom every week.

I talked to my sister for the first time in 2.5 months today - i rang her - but she doesn't agree with what i did and says that i have made my mum ill. I send mum cards, flowers, notes and cakes and have been clear tha she means the world to me AND I wanted a small wedding - the two things aren't exclusive. i have apologised for hurting her but she refuses to speak to me. I just don't know what to do, especially as Christmas is coming up and I haven't seen her since August. I do own the decision we made and know that there may have been disappointment but my husbands family have welcomed me and mine have ignored him completely. Help!

3 replies

Latest activity by Kelly, 11 January 2021 at 06:44
  • Kelly
    Newbie Bride July 2030 North Yorkshire
    Kelly ·
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    Hi hope you manage to get your mum back in your life especially with this pandemic going on. We've recently got married too had a small wedding not many came but it was nice leading upto the wedding I had more stress and on our wedding night family with alcohol in there system I find it very stressful for us just now newly weds. And still get stress afterwards can't win and they always think they're right. So I've myself have backed off for a bit. Maybe back off a little hun and see if your mum and family end up reaching out to you especially next week as it's Xmas then. Sending blessings an hugs and Congratulations.
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  • C
    Newbie Bride September 2020 Bristol
    Charlie ·
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    View quoted message

    Thank you so much Kelly - 3 monhs on and she's not speaking to me but has acknowledged contact from me. I'm so sorry that you had a difficult time on the evening of your wedding - it helps to know that your family think they are always right too! I've taken a step back now - good advice - and thank you so much for replying - and sending congratulations, I almost forgot that this is supposed to be a wonderful thing rather than a hurtful one!. Lets hope xmas is good for all of us!

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  • R
    Newbie Groom February 2021 Bedfordshire
    Robert546 ·
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    Without mum the happiness is not complete. You can make a balance between your happiness and your mum. This is the balance which sometimes become hard to achieve and results in loss of precious relations.

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