My In-laws Ruined My Wedding and i Can’t Get Over It

I got married a year ago now, my husband is amazing we have a great relationship and he makes me incredibly happy. However, his family have always been incredibly difficult, and arguments between their family were always common place even before our engagement. I used to not get involved because it’s not in my nature to argue with relatives at all, but as time went on they began to annoy me so at times I would snap.


On the run up to the wedding they stuck their nose in everything...they didn’t like the decisions we made and questioned some of my choices and it felt like they wanted to pick an argument about anything. The only thing me and my now husband would ever argue seriously about was his family, because I couldn’t hold my tongue any longer and I would tell him what I thought, most of the time he’d agree because they were always out of order, but then when he wanted to forgive and forget (without any apology) the next day, I had to just go along with it for the sake of our relationship.
The run up to the wedding was ruined by them...argument after argument and I was dreading the day. I planned to be nice and civil and the wedding went really well until the end of the night when arguments started and my family even got involved to try and get his family to be reasonable. My husband was drunk which didn’t help and hardly recalls how his family behaved. Things were said between my family and his family and my family have been left furious like me because we feel the wedding was ruined by them. I cried on my wedding night and the next day and for weeks. I told my husband I didn’t want to see his family again because they ruined the wedding but over time that became difficult because he wanted a relationship with them and it was causing friction in our marriage.
So to not cause any more rows between us, and there have been no apologies from anyone, we are all just being civil now and for him and them it’s like nothing ever happened. Now we get on fine it annoys me more ... why couldn’t they have been like this before our wedding or on the day? Why is it all ‘fine’ now afterwards and I’m left with tainted memories? I can’t watch a film without a wedding in without getting annoyed. When someone around me plans a wedding I get annoyed their day will be perfect and mine was ruined. I can’t speak to him about it because he’s moved on and thinks I have and he’s happy they are all finally getting along.
I worry for the future. My family don’t want to be near his family and I don’t blame them, we are miles apart in sense of values and they don’t have to see them unlike me. It’s pleasant when we do and I’m nice to them, but when I have time alone to sit and dwell on my wedding I am FURIOUS. I can’t speak to anyone about it as it fills me with rage more and I can’t speak to my husband because he will get angry with me for holding grudges when it’s all ‘sorted now’. What about when we have children? How will I have a party with both families there? It’s so awkward. How do I get rid of all this anger without bringing things back up a year later? The day was perfect until the end but why can I only focus on the end? Oh and the breakfast was awkward as hell....