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Zoe
Beginner August 2021 Warwickshire

Reformed Bridezilla - help on getting past it!

Zoe, 21 June 2022 at 14:40 Posted on Just Married 0 5
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Hi All,

So I got married nearly a year ago now and the 1st anniversary is bringing up a lot of feelings!

I fully admit that I turned into a bit of a bridezilla in the planning and after my wedding. I was very fussy, very particular, and caused a big fuss after the wedding when I didn't like my photos because they didn't look like a vogue editorial (funny that on a £13k wedding?!) but my photographer, family and friends all said they were lovely. I was stressed and difficult during planning and really not a particularly good friend or family member for a few weeks after the wedding and I fully hold responsibility for that.

I have apologised profusely, and made amends with those nearest and dearest to me that I upset. I have tried to be the best friend and family I can be over the last year with other life events to make amends. Luckily they are all absolute angels, have forgiven me and it appears to be water under the bridge. Its even a running joke now with my in-laws as my sister in law is getting married this summer and we use me as an example to NOT be like! My husband also finds it hilarious that his mild mannered girlfriend went so crazy when getting married then went back to normal as a wife! He jokes I had an allergic reaction to being a fiance!

However, despite all this, and despite all our wider guests remembering it as a banging wedding (it was just after all restrictions were lifted and everyone went hard, it was so much fun!), and even those who I upset now able to talk about the fab bits, I cannot get past my behaviour. All my wedding memories, of which there are so many happy ones from what really was an amazing day, come tinged with shame and regret because of my behaviour. I haven't put any pictures up around the house yet despite loving them now because I still can't separate my feelings of shame and guilt and the happy faces and memories in those pictures.

It doesn't help that there are so many accounts of people bashing bridezillas. Saying "oh god I'd never become that" "these women are horrendous" "why do people lose sight of what's important" etc. Just adds to the shame that I did fall into that behaviour because the pressure and expectation all got a bit too much. It feels like I've failed as I wasn't a calm, quiet blushing bride.

I suppose time will help, and I am excited about my 1 year anniversary of being MARRIED because it's been a belter of a year and we have a lot to celebrate and be proud of, maybe just not the remembering of the wedding part. If there are any other former brides that regret their behaviour it would be great to know I'm not alone! Otherwise I'll just sit in my little self-pity rant for a while then get on with my day Smiley laugh

5 replies

Latest activity by Elizabeth, 23 June 2022 at 10:52
  • L
    Dedicated September 2023 Derbyshire
    Lizzie ·
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    Not a bride yet, but I have been in a similar position in other circumstances. It is hard to forgive yourself, but you *can* do it.
    You didn't fail. You nailed it when you said "the pressure and expectation all got a bit too much". It wasn't your fault - you are human and you reached your limit. OK, so you got fussy and had a bad reaction, but you realise and acknowledge that. It's incredibly hard to forgive yourself sometimes, but it is worth it. You have apologised and made peace with others, now it's time to do that with yourself.
    I get really cranky when I get hungry, and become unbearable to be around. It passes, and I become myself again. Everyone understands, and I even sometimes manage to laugh about it. It's hard, but as I said at the start, you can forgive yourself. Give yourself a break.
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  • E
    Beginner July 2022 South East London
    Elizabeth ·
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    I’m getting married in 4 weeks and luckily haven’t gone Bridezillla but I see how it could happen! I don’t think anyone will blame you tbh, especially if they’ve been through planning a wedding without having the luxury of unending funds.
    You start planning and it can very quickly turn into a circus! I was looking at hiring a castle and having some llamas for the reception for a moment 😂 and it doesn’t help that whenever I go to a wedding I hear the aunties picking apart what bits they thought should have been different etc…

    It may even be worth speaking to a therapist about this if it’s stopping you properly celebrating by putting your pictures up and enjoying your anniversary? But most important remember that your friends and family love you and you’re not the only one who’s got overwhelmed by it all
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  • Zoe
    Beginner August 2021 Warwickshire
    Zoe ·
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    Oh my goodness Llamas would be incredible!

    Yes it did turn into a circus. I honestly did try to be calm and democratic in the planning. But 13k for 120 people, living in an expensive area, finding a location and accommodation suitable for disabled family and hiring extra disability equipment for the venue on said small budget, covid lockdowns meaning a lot has to be done on line, 7 bridesmaids and 7 groomsmen to clothe, a maid of honour that had a bereavement 6 months before so wasn't able to do anything to help that she had planned to bless her, and having to DIY everything down to soaking labels off glass jars and printing my own table menus/name cards/ etc on my home printer. We ran out of funds so quickly with all that I bought my wedding dress for £120 off coast Smiley laugh It just got so stressful trying to keep everyone happy with the limited budget and what we could offer! Now I list all that out I'm surprised I kept it together at all Smiley laugh

    Thank you for the suggestion, I think you might be right. Speaking to a professional might help me overcome that last hump to then finding peace with the situation and moving on with happy memories! Thanks for the advice!

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  • Zoe
    Beginner August 2021 Warwickshire
    Zoe ·
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    Thank you for being kind and saying I didn't fail! You are right, I was human and reached my limit with it - everyone does at some points in their life mine happened to be during wedding planning!

    Thank you! Its nice to hear someone actually say to give yourself a break - it is so hard sometimes despite telling friends that all the time!

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  • E
    Beginner July 2022 South East London
    Elizabeth ·
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    My god - that’s an insane amount to deal with! Of course you lost it a bit. That’s so intense and nobody could possibly blame you
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