So I got married nearly a year ago now and the 1st anniversary is bringing up a lot of feelings!
I fully admit that I turned into a bit of a bridezilla in the planning and after my wedding. I was very fussy, very particular, and caused a big fuss after the wedding when I didn't like my photos because they didn't look like a vogue editorial (funny that on a £13k wedding?!) but my photographer, family and friends all said they were lovely. I was stressed and difficult during planning and really not a particularly good friend or family member for a few weeks after the wedding and I fully hold responsibility for that.
I have apologised profusely, and made amends with those nearest and dearest to me that I upset. I have tried to be the best friend and family I can be over the last year with other life events to make amends. Luckily they are all absolute angels, have forgiven me and it appears to be water under the bridge. Its even a running joke now with my in-laws as my sister in law is getting married this summer and we use me as an example to NOT be like! My husband also finds it hilarious that his mild mannered girlfriend went so crazy when getting married then went back to normal as a wife! He jokes I had an allergic reaction to being a fiance!
However, despite all this, and despite all our wider guests remembering it as a banging wedding (it was just after all restrictions were lifted and everyone went hard, it was so much fun!), and even those who I upset now able to talk about the fab bits, I cannot get past my behaviour. All my wedding memories, of which there are so many happy ones from what really was an amazing day, come tinged with shame and regret because of my behaviour. I haven't put any pictures up around the house yet despite loving them now because I still can't separate my feelings of shame and guilt and the happy faces and memories in those pictures.
It doesn't help that there are so many accounts of people bashing bridezillas. Saying "oh god I'd never become that" "these women are horrendous" "why do people lose sight of what's important" etc. Just adds to the shame that I did fall into that behaviour because the pressure and expectation all got a bit too much. It feels like I've failed as I wasn't a calm, quiet blushing bride.
I suppose time will help, and I am excited about my 1 year anniversary of being MARRIED because it's been a belter of a year and we have a lot to celebrate and be proud of, maybe just not the remembering of the wedding part. If there are any other former brides that regret their behaviour it would be great to know I'm not alone! Otherwise I'll just sit in my little self-pity rant for a while then get on with my day