2nd thoughts on best man

I know im girl but big NO!

ive just pretty much lost a friend because i didnt chose her to be a bridesmaid. my view is if she was really a friend then she wouldnt care as long as she was there... shes refused to come to the hen do and ive basically not spoken to her since i told her my decission.... and this is exactly why i decided not to have her. shes unreliable. big events in my life shes not been there, sometimes you're just 'friends' because its convient! when it comes to something as important as your wedding you almost need to pick someone for the 'job' id have one of your old reliable trustworthy friends. my fiance has the same problem too actually. hes 'oldest, close friend' is just not reliable enough. so hes chosen his brother. you dont need the pressure of what someone else is doing or not doing.... his JOB is to look after YOU!

Thanks for your message. Hoping to get a few more replys. I know I will constantly worry if I don't choose a new one. I am gutted because I thought I'd made the right choice.. Funny what six month can do? Regretting choosing so early now...

It's only been three weeks since the problems started, and it may be that everything is getting on top of them: vertainly they seem to have a lot of drop-in guests..have they moved closer to family and are having some trouble setting the boundaries perhaps?

Not being able to afford to go on the stag may be getting him down too: maybe he feels awkward about letting you down but if he hasn't got the money it is better to say so from the outset. Why not give it a month with a couple more attempts at contact (perhaps go over to see their new house?) before committing yourself. If all of this has kicked off recently, it may be only a temporary glitch!

You thought a lot about your intiial decision. Don't change your mind again too readily, particularly as you have anough time to hold off for ages before making a final decision.

From everything you've said.... I'd really consider choosing a new best man. Do you have anyone else in mind? If it'd be too awkward to tell him you don't want him to be best man anymore, you could always have a few best men. We've photographed quite a few weddings with 2, and even some with 3!

We always face the same issue,there are two ways,hope it will be helpful.

Firstly,making a good excuse and telling him your idea,you have to change your best man,though he was always late or seemed unreliable,but we have no reason to hurt feelings,right?

Secondly,frankly speaking to him about all your concerns,and telling him you care alot about the friendship between you both,asyou should have some reasons for inviting him not your other school friend.If he can correct all things from then on,then happy ends.

If l was in your position then l would think about choosing a new best man. Your current best man does not seem reliable or capable of making much effort which you really don't need in the run up to your wedding or at your wedding.

Now I am completely the opposite to the other replies. Sounds to me like he could well be having some financial difficulties he doesn't want to mention. You don't get that many drop in visitors at key times they are due to come up and see you.

If I was you as friends would do, I would go and see him, offer to go down and have a good talk, be honest about your communication and ask if everything's ok. Sometimes people are too proud to talk and try and make excuses. Give him a chance you wouldn't of offered for him to be best man unless he was a good friend in the first place.

If after that you feel it was excuses then fair enough but you never know, he might really need a friend right now just doesn't know how to ask.

Hi all, thanks for replys.. Just thought I would update....

I've still not seen my supposedly best man... It's been nearly 4 month now!! I did feel sorry for him because hehad a disaster at his house and very quickly had to move out. Now they have made the move to stay with relatives as a temporary measure. We have text each other, I keep suggesting days/nights/after work quick pints to get together... He is always too busy. Then one day two weeks ago, I saw him sat in beer garden at a local pub having a pint... I rang but he said he was waiting to get a lift home... I suggested we met there another night after work... No reply.

I am really fed up with it... I know he has had some problems, but I'm sorry... This is just avoidance now. He just doesn't seem interested in catching up.

Ditch and renew.

for whatever reason he must of gotten cold feet and isn't being open about it.

Hi everyone, will its now middle of August, I thought I would update on the situation. I did want to meet my "best man" to discuss concerns with him and how I was feeling. After two more month of trying to arrange seeing him without success I am fed up. How hard is it to meet up for a coffee? A pint? With the kids at the park? Pop round to one of each others houses? It's now August, I asked him to be best man last year (November time) and have seen him twice since then.. Nearly 6 month since last saw him.

I want advice now on how to tell him that we are still friends but that he is no longer my best man. Id spent all july trying to meet up in person to discuss, telepjoned also but no reply. he would sometimes text back but not always. last text i had was 13th july saying he would deffo get in touch by end of month... so ive left it... he didnt get in touch. Me and the future wife have a baby due this week.. I finally heard from him asking if the baby was here... And to let him know when it is because he's excited.. First contact for a month..

It's how to tell him now I am struggling with? He's not once before asked how pregnancy is going? Etc. He doesn't know me anymore at all.

I'd just be honest with him; say you feel you asking him to be BM has put too much pressure on him - and that it's better for your friendship if you relieve that pressure by having someone else as your BM

And just see what he says to that

Hiya!

My Fiance is having exactly the same problem and he doesn't know how to approach the subject either. We don't know whether to just leave it, not send an invite out etc and see if he gets in touch or just be honest with him.

Did you tell him? if so, how did you get on?

It's an awkward situation! I reckon honesty is the best policy as said above. Tell him how it's increasingly difficult to arrange anything with him as he's never available to meet up and that you need more commitment from your Best Man. He'll feel better knowing that your other friends haven't been told who is going to be your best man. I don't think he's got any reason to be upset or angry with you. He's seriously let you down repeatedly, with nothing other than poor excuses. I wouldn't be surprised if he's seen it coming already. It almost sounds like he's trying to get out of it. If that's not the case maybe he'll change his ways and fight for the honour of being your best man....... Either way I don't think it's your fault and most people would agree that you're doing the right thing.

Good luck!

James.