40th Birthday party, big dilema-WWYD/AIBU!!

I think it hangs on why she doesn't want a party. If because it's too much hassle/expense/whatever, then perhaps if you offered to take the lion's share of all that she would change her mind. If it's because she is massively ambivalent about turning 40, that's more complex. What does she say?

Why is it complicated? have a party if you want, and invite everyone you would to any family/friends party.

If I may be so bold, I think you need to question why this has turned into such a big dilema. Are you just a bit hurt that she doesn't want to share in the celebrations as twins and doesn't seem to to have put the same value on your both turning 40 as you have?

She doesn't want a party and you do, so just have a party. Does it really matter if others take it as an opportunity to say happy birthday to your sister? I find it a little bit odd that you'd be happy to pay for it all if your family and sister aren't invited but would feel hard done by paying fo it all if they were.

x

Has she said what she wants to do instead? Quiet dinner with friends/family? I mean, if that's the case then I can see where the problems arise with people having to effectively "choose" between you both. Can't you find a compromise? Do something first together and then move into a party scenario afterwards for those who want to stay on? There has to be some way you can spend this big occasion together.

She just does not want to have a party, she likes going to parties and is very sociable. No issues around turning 40 afaik, she just does not want to have a 'do', I am more than happy to arrange it all for us but she is not willing.

It is complicated as I suppose because of the fact we are twins, we have shared our birthday for 39 years! celebrated together for most of them. It would not seem like a celebration without her as it is something we should be celebrating together. Family and friends would find it strange to only attend a party for me as they all know we are twins!

twins do share an unusual bond/relationship and unless you are a twin it is difficult to explain why this is so complicated. I suppose the nearest thing I can compare it to is for a couple to be celebrating a special anniversary (25 years etc) but only one of the couple wants a party to celebrate, so the one part of the couple has a party and the other stays at home...?

What others said then, Muffins. Have the party, pay for it, invite who you'd normally invite (although obviously not her friends who aren't mutual friends) and enjoy it.

IYWATYWU?

It's not the being a twin part that is complicated though really. I appreciate the special bond, I do, but she doesn't want a party and you do. So as I said previously you're hurting because she's not treating it as much as a special occasion as you are.

You're also making a lot of assumptions about what others will think or find bizarre. Have you asked any of your family what they would think to coming to a birthday party that is just for you?

x

I would just treat it as if she was my just my sister rather than a twin, have the party, invite her of course but don't ask any of her friends unless they are mutual friends. Assuming she is married/in a relationship this means none of her OH's family would be there I assume?

My mum is a twin and when their 40th came round my auntie did not want a party on the gounds that it meant turning 40 was real!! She was in major denial about her age!!

Anyway, my mum wanted a party so we had one, my auntie was invited, but refused as she didn't want to admit to turning 40, did not want the hassle and as a paramedic had mangaged to shift swap with someone who needed the day off so she could avoid the day all together!!

All the family and firends were there and we had a great time.

At the end of the day, although you are twins/sisters/share a birthday you are individual people who want different things.

You should not let the fact that she doesn't want a party spoil your want for one. So have the party invite your sister and let her decide if she comes.

HTH

Luv Victoria

xx

My sisters are twins and when their 21st birthday arrived, one of them was by this time a practising JW, and therefore unwilling to celebrate.

Her twin just felt it would be too awkward and went without, which we all thought was a great pity.

Youu have your party and have a blast. Anyone asks why your twin isn't there simply tell them the truth!

Hiya, only just popped on and seeen this. I'm a twin and last year on our 32nd birthday was the first time I did something on my own. It was odd, but it was with H's mates and my sister doesn't really know them. It was quite nice actually to have something for me as we always do birthdays together.

I can see your point to be honest, and it is a bit of a pain as you share the day so compromises sometimes have to be made. However i think you have to bite the bullet and have your party. Send the invites out just from you, give as many out as you can by hand,and just explain to people your sister doesn't want a party, but you do. (I'd imagine family/friends will think it odd getting an invite from just one sister) If she comes, Ive no doubt people will celebrate her birthday to as you can't stop them, but just go with it. You can't have balloons printed with 'happy 40th to me (not her as she didn't want a party)' ?on them so I think it's just one of those things, have a good time and don't worry about it.

(she might not even want to go!)