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Tizzie
Beginner June 2012

A bit upset by MIL

Tizzie, 21 June, 2012 at 01:29 Posted on Planning 0 7
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Okay where do I start?

Met MIL at a family thing last week and chatted for a bit about wedding things. I mentioned my hen night which was a meal with friends and maybe bingo (as one of my friends is addicted!!) and she said that it sounded lovely etc

Well my hen night was tonight and due to one friends shifts we just had time for the meal. It was amazing, we had a really long lazy meal and talked for ages. I've not seen any of them for months so it was nice for the four of us to catch up. I had an amazing time and I put a thank you to them when we got home on Facebook as they had messaged me to say thank you.

They all commented saying they had a lovely time and they couldn't wait for the wedding, nice to catch up etc.

Then my MIL posts saying "I wouldn've really enjoyed bingo, oh well at least you had a nice time" I took it really jokingly and posted back something like " ended up just going for a meal with three friends in the end but it was still lovely! Smiley smile" she then posts back "so doing bingo another time? Would be nice to get invited to your hen night"

At this stage I felt bad as it looked like I'd completely left her out. I messaged back " not doing anything else, just wanted a wee catch up with my friends as I've not seen them in so long!" she then posted "oh well that's your hen night done then" I feel bad as I don't want my friends thinking what they organised wasnt good enough as it was perfect for me.

Ive had such an amazing day and I'm determined not to let it bother me as I know it's not a big deal but it's really upset me especially since it was only three of my close friends there and I'd spoken about it a couple of days ago and that she posted about it on my post saying thank you to my friends.

I know it's such a small thing so that's why I'm posting it here to get it of my chest, just feel a bit upset as i am trying to keep everyone happy but if I'd had a "proper" hen night there would have been 30 people I'd had to have invite. MIL keeps going on about her amazing hen night went clubbing and got a stripper. I didn't want to do this as its really not my thing and I would have not enjoyed the night. I just a feeling she was expecting this.

Sorry for rambling!!

S x

7 replies

Latest activity by Tizzie, 21 June, 2012 at 20:43
  • skyrocket
    Beginner July 2012
    skyrocket ·
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    From reading what you've written I don't think she was slating your hen do. I think she was put out you hadn't invited her.

    Why not go to bingo with her and whoever else wants to come as an unofficial hen do.

    It keeps her sweet and you get to see your friends again.

    If you don't fancy that then just don't worry about it.

    Sounded like she just wanted to be included that's all.

    I wish my MIL would show some interest in my wedding

    I went on my 'hen do' on my own. To a spa for the day and it was fab!

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  • 3d jewellery
    3d jewellery ·
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    Facebook is like texting not the best way to discuss anything that may have emotion involved as you can't actually see what the other person is thinking and put your own interpretation on it.You could read MILs commenets in a totally neutral way and get a different interpretation as in just asking. You need to speak to her face to face and tell her you decided a full on hen night wasn't for you and you just had a quiet meal for 4. Ask her if she was offended to be left out. Most people when asked that do a quick U turn and say no. Suggest that you and her go for a meal if you feel that you want to make up for it. You don't mention your own mum, sorry if that is insensitive and she is no longer around, but do you have any close female relatives to include.

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  • saspip
    Beginner May 2012
    saspip ·
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    WSS - it sounds to me like your MIL would have liked to have been included, maybe she assumed she would be after your conversation about it. I didn't invite MIL on my hen do as it was drinking and dancing on a weekend away which she would have hated but I did suggest we went out for lunch along with my SIL as a separate 'hen do' for her. As it happens she didn't take me up on it which I was relieved about as it saved me money and I don't relish spending that much time with her alone but I think the thought that I'd asked her made her happy. You don't need to invite anyone else and make it a big thing, just do something with you MIL to show willing.

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  • Tizzie
    Beginner June 2012
    Tizzie ·
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    I think I was just upset as I told her I wasn't having a proper hen do just a meal with my three friends, and I'd only told her this last week!! She thought that it was a good idea and sounded nice.

    The only reason I had a meal with my friends was that I hadn't seen them in months so we'd never had the chance to sit down ad talk about the wedding before. IMO it wouldn't have been the same with my and OHs family there too.

    I get on brilliantly with my mum and I am really close to her but she wasn't invited and she honestly wasn't bothered. I see my mum and my MIL all the time and her idea of a hen night really isn't my thing. I could see the point if I'd had loads of friends, my mum etc there and hadn't bothere telling her, which I would never do as I really do like my MIL and all his family.

    Ive been trying hard to please everyone and I was just a bit upset she put it on Facebook. I would have much rathered she text me or told me last week she wanted involved.

    S x

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  • bluemoongirly
    Beginner October 2013
    bluemoongirly ·
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    Can you not go for a quiet meal with your mum/MIL just so its like a hen do?

    Im having two, one of which my mum said she didnt want to come, so I told FMIL its friends only and that I will do an "older" hen do for mothers, aunts, gran etc

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  • Sloth
    Sloth ·
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    Sounds like she wanted to relive HER hen do - which would be odd. She will get over it so don't let it worry you Smiley winking

    Send your friends a text or little card telling them you had a wonderful time and it was just what you needed. Will reinforce it if they haven't seen - and if not good reply to their thanks messages.

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  • Tizzie
    Beginner June 2012
    Tizzie ·
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    It is exactly this. She still talks about her hen night and so does OHs gran about how much fun it was etc whih is fine as she likes that sort of thing. Personally it would be my idea of hell being stuck in a stretch limo and going to loads of different clubs, gettin hammered and having a stripper. While I understand that my hen do, a meal, would probably bore some people half to death.

    I don't want to have another hen night or go out with my mum and MIL as if it was up to me, I'd go out for a meal and my MIL would want to go out and invite all the females in the family which is about 20-30!!

    As for thank yous I have little handmade cards and Im making each of them the same design but different colour necklace as I really appreciate the effort they made to come and they wouldn't let me pay for even my meal when I wanted to pay for all four of us!!

    Thanks for all your replies too Smiley smile

    S x

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