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A new bridesmaid and asking a bridesmaid to step down

SunnyGoldHair613, 17 July, 2017 at 00:27 Posted on Planning 0 3
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I've just asked an extra girl to be one of my bridesmaids. We didn't know each other when I first chosen my BMs but we've clicked so quickly and I can't imagine her not being up there with me for the wedding in a couple months time.
I've also decide (unrelated decision) to ask a bridesmaid to step down and attend as a guest following problems in our friendship. No arguments, but we're no longer close despite several attempts on my side to fix things.

Advice on how to try and manage this to avoid her feeling replaced? I'd be asking her to step down either way as we aren't really friends any more, and I'd have asked the first girl I mentioned to join us regardless of this. Thanks in advance.

3 replies

Latest activity by Sorbet, 20 July, 2017 at 19:08
  • MetalBride
    Beginner April 2018
    MetalBride ·
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    I'm going to be honest with you, I think that she will feel replaced regardless of what you do, the only way to minimise the hurt is to have a frank and honest discussion with her. Don't bring up that someone will be there instead of her (stating the obvious) but be honest if she asks as you don't want her finding out later and getting upset then, if the first talk goes well and she doesn't ask I would give her a heads up in a seperate conversation. Meet her somewhere neutral so if either of you want to leave it's not quite as awkward. Be prepared for her to refuse to come to your wedding, it depends how much being a bridesmaid means to her.

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  • H
    Rockstar June 2020
    HappyBlueCars582 ·
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    She might be quite relieved she doesn't have to do it any more if there have been issues between you.

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  • M
    Beginner October 2018
    Meg101 ·
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    From personal experience (me being the bridesmaid who was asked to step down) it will change the friendship. They may still come and be happy for you etc but it's damaging to turn someone down after you've already asked them.

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  • S
    Beginner September 2017
    Sorbet ·
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    Honestly there is no way you can make it seem like anything else because you ARE replacing her... its a friendship ending move so be absoloutly certain you dont want to be friends with her anymore

    I think people forget a wedding is just a day regardless of 'dream visions' and people are complex beings not just props for it but real life people with emotions that have invested time into both a friendship and the day

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