AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGH!!! The venue saga continues!! [banghead]

Sorry I forgot to add what the * was in reference to. I've only just patched things up with the in-laws after a 2 year long feud in which we did not speak, I was excluded from all family gatherings (including future-BIL's wedding) and the birth of mine and h2b's daughter was a terrible scandal which the entire family worked very hard to keep quiet. They weren't too pleased with the idea of us getting married and I've always suspected that they'd rather see h2b back with his ex (with whom f-MIL and f-FIL are still in regular contact). So yeah, them paying anything towards the wedding wasn't something I ever thought would happen!

Sounds like a nightmare. Your original plans sound amazing!!

We've had a right old ordeal trying to find a wedding scenario that a) we like and b) we could afford. I think we've gone through at least half a dozen possible venues then discarded them for one reason or other. We accidentally stumbled across a field in Cornwall and developed this amazing camping idea, but none of h2b's family will put up with travelling all the way to Cornwall to camp by the sea! MIL's probably right that it would be a lot less stressful to just get married near home

Nightmare!

Can you possibly afford your choice of a wedding without this money? If so I would be inclined to say, this is what I'm having take it or leave it.

People have very kindly offered to give us small amounts to our wedding but I'm still having what I want on the basis that we don't need that money but of course it all helps!

Nooooooooo! You're swaying! That sounds amazing. Get your photographer to camp with you too ?. Imagine the pictures. Have you heard of Glamping?

Oh no, I really feel for you - my mum has been a bit similar, though not on the same scale (more in terms of the guest list!).

Has she actually come out & said that if you choose X instead of Y, she won't give you the money? Or has it been very heavily implied?

On the bridesmaid front I certainly wouldn't give in there. Your BMs are supposed to be people who you can rely on and who will support you - not people who you don't even get along with!

On the venue side of things - I can understand what she's saying, but it's a shame if you had a particular idea (which sounds amazing, by the way!) and she is being so negative about it. I wonder if there is any compromise to be had so that you can achieve what you want while she doesn't feel like turning her nose up.

For example, how about a venue which has the best of both worlds - lots of lovely outdoors where you can have a marquee and a hog roast, and which also has accommodation on-site? In/around Milton Keynes, what about Woburn Abbey Estate - which also has the safari park so is a bit unusual. Abbey Hill Golf Centre does hog roasts apparently and has accommodation right next door so that could work as well.

Or, if you find a fairly rural hotel nearby with a big green area, could you look into hiring a marquee in their grounds perhaps?

Also, what does your H2B have to say about all of this - presumably he can help to support you, especially about the bridesmaid point?

Just as a final note, I don't think you are being ungrateful at all. It is so easy to throw that at a couple organising their wedding when they are offered money. Worst of all is when you are told the money is "no strings attached" but then emotionally blackmailed over it.

I hope you and your MIL can find a compromise.

Glamping???? Nope, not a clue! lol

H2B is a mahoosive mummy's boy and very easily persuaded into/out of things. He was the one who first insisted on not having a big formal do with sit-down meal, but since his mum listed her concerns about camping, he's coming out with his own ifs and buts now.

We're back to looking at one of the first places I fell in love with but later realised we couldn't afford. Notley Tythe Barn in Long Crendon. They can do hog roasts and it's a lovely 12th Century Barn out in the countryside. We wouldn't need a marquee but the interior of the barn itself is really rustic and lovely. We both really like it and we've found a hotel about a half hour drive away that can fit everyone in. So now we just have to see if we can persuade the guests to chip in £10 a head for us to cover their transport if we hire coaches.

Do you reckon most people would do that? If we somehow put an option out there to say that if people don't want the hassle of driving themselves between the venue and the hotel (basically so they can have a glass of wine with us!), we can arrange a coach there and back for £10 per head.

Its quite an easy answer really. If you want the wedding that you decide then say no to the money or insure she understands that its all yours and husband to be decisions and no one elses. You need to be firm from the start or you will soon lose all control by the sounds of it. But i think this second option will probably cause more fall outs.

Is it really worth taking this £4000 from your FMIl & FFIL. I would rather do it my way and on my own, even if it means saving for a little longer.

Hi Sammy

Im in MK and we're getting married at Addersey Lodge in Stoke Goldington, its also a barn conversion and has only started holding weddings this year, just another barn option for u to consider which is also closer to home ?