Absent MOB

Im so sorry you lost your Mum and with a wedding I think it brings the loss to a whole new level. Try to remember how happy she would be for you. I'm sending you a big internet hug. Hopefully she managed to share in your joy and some of your planning. People are here if ever you want to talk any time. Nothing we say can make it better but we can listen. Xxx

I am tearing up reading this, I am so sorry for your loss and so sad for you that your Mum won't physically be with you on your big day. However, I am sure she will be with you in spirit.

Have you thought about whether you want to do anything to honour your Mum on the day? My cousin got married without her Dad, and she had a picture of him tied to her bouquet so that he was with her throughout the day, and after the speeches they did a slideshow of family pictures. It was a truly beautiful way to pay tribute to him, but it didn't put a dampener on the day, it was almost like a celebration of his life within the wedding celebration.

I'm so sorry for you hon, I dont think there is anything anyone can say at the moment to help ease the pain. I don't think it ever really occurs to anyone that your parents might not be with you on your wedding day, you just feel like they will always be ther. Im sure she will be watching over you though. Sending you a virtual hug and I hope you still have a wonderful day xx

I'm sorry to hear this. What an awful time you're having. Is your dad still with you?

I lost my mother when I was a little girl of just 4, so even though I've had a long time to get over it, it was still sad on my wedding day and in the run up to it.

I did things on the day to honour her memory. I had a beautiful locket around my neck with her picture in so she would be close to my heart, my husband gave a toast in his speech 'to all that couldn't be there' which we obviously knew who we were talking about, and the last song of the night was one from her favourite movie.

Maybe you could do something like this to keep her close to you?

I am so so sorry for your loss, I can't even begin to imagine the pain you are going through. The only thing I will say is to celebrate her life as much as you possibly can. Of course you're going to have a cry or two on your wedding day but she would want you to go ahead with the day and enjoy it to the max and have a drink for her!

As the other girls have said there are lots of ways to still have her involved in your wedding, to lockets or pictures or perhaps a reading? My OH lost his gdad not long ago and we are having pictures of both our parents and grandparents in frames from their wedding day. Next to the pic of his gdad and nan we are putting a buttonhole there as we still want him involved. Maybe have a pic of your parents or mum somewhere and get her a mum buttonhole to put next to her.

I know it will never be easy but once the funeral has come and gone you may feel a little better having said your goodbyes as right now it's all so surreal. Try and stay positive these things can never be predicted and can rock your world to breaking point, but just always remember your mum would want you to continue with life not stop. She will always be watching down on you and your day, and whether you have a wedding dress on or not she knows you would of looked beautiful on your special day.

Take care and sending big hugs.

I'm so sorry lovey, what an awful shock. Sending you lots of love and strength, I wish I knew what more to say xx

Thank you so much everyone for your lovely replies. I think it just hit me really suddenly yesterday and I needed to get it out.

My mum had started to buy her wedding outfit and she had a fascinator in the shape of a flower so I am going to speak to the florist I am using and see if they can weave it in to my bouquet.

I am also thinking of having favours from either Cancer Research or the hospice where she spent her last days.

One of my mum's friends gave me a photo from August (when, although she was ill, she was coping relatively well and day to day was pretty normal) of me and my mum which we are going to have with me on the top table and my auntie who is my mum's sister is going to sit with me. My dad has been completely amazing, they were divorced but he was there whenever we needed him. My mum also had a partner who will be coming too.

Thank you again for your kind messages x x

I think having part of her fascinator in your bouquet is a lovely idea. And the favours. My lovely hubby wore my breast cancer pin on his lapel along with his buttonhole for our wedding. Xx

So sorry for your loss - big hugs xxx

I am so sorry to hear of your loss, thoughts are with you and your family, and internet hugs!

Please do not be sorry, you needed to write down and process what you are thinking and feeling, sometimes with the biggest painful areas, not talking to anyone who knows you is best.

The other posters are right, she will be with you in yours and everyone's thoughts, and there have been some really good ideas in how to honour her, but, do what you are comfortable with, and all the best for next few months! x