Absent mum on my wedding day :(

Do you have a piece of jewelery of hers that you could wear?

No not really, nothing simple that will go with my dress. I was thinking about having some yellow roses in my bouquet, the bridesmaids are wearing brown/ivory (hopefully!!) so a light yellow would go, and this was her favourite colour. It's so difficult trying to decide!!

What about having a photo of her and a wee candle burning on the table where you sign the register during the ceremony - if you don't feel up to making a speech, I'm sure the minister/registrar would mention her during the service if you asked them to ?

Also you could sew a piece of jewellery into the lining of your dress or onto your garter?

Its a nice idea to use her favourite colour & i think yellow would work well with th ecolours you want. Maybe you could also play a piece of music/song that she really liked or that holds special memories of the 2 of you at some point during the day

WSS.

We're sewing on OH's gran's ring into the underskirt of my dress so she's with us on the day.

We had a friend of my parents do a toast to absent friends. we didn't think anyone in the family would be able to say anything without getting tearful so we used someone independant.

I ave heard about a memory tree where you can hang pictures of family who have passed away. Not a big tree but something that could sit by the cake or something?

x

My FIL died a year before our wedding. We had a photo of my H and his dad put into a frame, and put into a corner of the room where we had the reception, alongside a little poem and a bottle of whiskey/glasses as this was his favourite drink, so family could go over and pour a tipple in his memory.

I have also seen in the past something that you can tie to your boquet where you can put a lttle photo in. Im sure someone else on here will know what I mean.

Hi francinesmith

I couldn't read yoru post and not reply, I will be in a very similar postion to you next year when I marry in Oct 2010, like you on my wedding day my mum my mum will be absent (she passed away in Jan 2000).

It is very hard to think of something that won't be too emotional,however some things i am hoping to do

1) Flowers my favourite flowers are freesias, they were my mum's too so they will play a large part of the decorations etc... just the smell of them reminds me of her with a smile.

2) I am going to take my boquet to her plaque (we scattered her ashes ) the next day

3) I am eiether going to have a piece of her jewellery to wear eiether as it is or made into something or is all else fails I am going to have a pocket sewn to the inside of my dress so I can have a piece of jewellery with me.

4) we are also thinking of releasing a wish lantern, but don't want to do it with everyone else around so may do that the day before or after or sneak off on our own for a few minuets.

Hope this helps some I think using your mum's favourite colour is a perfect way to rember her, as her memory will be there throughout the day.

How are you finding planning?

x

Thanks for all your thoughts, I really appreciate it.

Planning is going ok-ish!!! Got everything booked, hoping to get the bridesmaids stuff sorted out this week as they live in Scotland so I'm going up tomorrow. Just been looking at invitations and decorations..... I really don't like a lot off fuss so I'm finding the decoration part a challenge. Oh also in search of a hairdresser that charges less than £100 to have my hair done- I WILL find one!! lol.

How is your planning going? I'm finding it more emotional as it gets nearer, and its even harder without my mum around. I'm sure you feel the same, I'll be a wreck when the day does arrive!!! xx

Teehee had a lovely idea (and i hope she doesnt mind me mentioning this, let me know if you do nona and il take it off) of putting your bouquet on the gravestone, maybe this could be an option for you?

Hi

You sound very organised, mostly the wedding planning is fine although dress shopping is a bit of a mix emotion event.

I know what you mean about decorating I have ideas but when it comes to sorting them out it's all a mess.

I hope you have a good time sorting your bridesmaids out.

x

My dad died 6 years ago, and both my partners parents are dead. We are having photos of both sets of parents on their wedding day on the cake table. I am also carrying a photo of my dad with me in my bouquet, with this verse on the back

Dear Lord please clear a spot for him;
he should have the perfect view.
His little girl's a Bride today,
and I am counting on you.
Let me feel his presence;
as I journey down the aisle.
But let me notice his absence;
if only for a while.
Let me stop to think of him;
As I am given away.
And know that if he could;
he would be here with me today.
Dear Lord please clear a spot for him;
he should have the perfect view.
And if he should get sad today;
Dear Lord I count on you.

We will also raise our glasses to our absent parents during the speeches.

Hiya,

My mum passed away 10 years ago, my eldest sister 6 years ago and my dad 4 years ago so I know what you are going through. I have decided to make a short speech to toast my absent family but I will also be having photos of them on a table with flowers and I am walking down the aisle to my mums favourite piece of classical music.

I totally understand about it being more and more emotional during the planning, I get married august 2010 and I am feeling my family's absence harder to deal with the more I plan. BUT, I will get through it, as will you, and the knowledge that other people who love us and know how hard it is to get married without the most important people around, are there to support us should and I hope, WILL give us strength.

You will be just fine WHATEVER you decide to do to commemorate lost loved ones.

x

Thanks everybody, there are some really good ideas. Think I have decided to have her favourite flower in my bouquet (yellow roses) and her favouritre perfume was pleasures, so i'll wear that. Going to think about a piece of her jewellery too. xx