Adult guests pay for their meal??

Yes. It is wrong. You can't ask people to come and celebrate your relationship and then ask them to pay for their own food!

Why not get married late in the day, skip having a proper wedding breakfast/sit down meal and just have a buffet as part of the reception?

Honestly? Yes. It's not something I would have done.

But depending on who your guests are and if you have good reason for asking them you might get away with it. Don't be offended if people are a bit put out though.

Well personally I couldn't do it, but it depends on your family and situation really.

It depends how you word it. After my first wedding we had a blessing on our anniversary. Full church service etc. I said on invitations that after the service we would be going for lunch at the local country pub, that we would be hosting drinks there, and anyone who wished to join us for a meal was welcome. It worked really well - we had champers on standby there, and everyone was happy to order their own food. There were about 25 of us and I'd made sure we had a huge table reserved.

If family really understand your situation and its just a few close family, I think they wouldnt perhaps mind. However, I don't think its really the done thing. If you speak to a restaurant you want to go to, perhaps they will give you a discount for getting X amount of customers through their door. if its only really close family, perhaps speak to them all individually and express your ideas for the day. I am sure they wont mind

Yes, they are your guests.

I guess close family and friends might be more understanding then. But I don't see the point of offering to pay for kids but not adults. I think it needs to be all or nothing.

I don't think its fair to pay for kids meals and not adults - either do them all or not. I personally wouldnt expect anyone to pay for a meal for attending a wedding either - however if its just a situation of yourselves with just both your parents and your own children, then fair enough if they're happy to pay then sure as it's kinda their contribution to the wedding - but more than that, I think its quite rude.

Like others have suggested, if you can't afford to feed them a sit down meal - just provide a buffet and hold the wedding later on in the evening.

I wouldnt do it, but maybe you have a hardship of some sort we dont know about? Even so, if money was really tight, there are many cheap options from having a simple buffet, canape style, picnic in a park or asking a family member to help make platters of food.

I assume if you ask guests to pay for their own meals, you will specifically ask for no gifts on the invite?

If it's only £8pp amongst family and close friends and you're happy to explain the situation then people probably won't have an issue with it...it's not really the done thing but I doubt anyone who loves you would begrudge 8 quid to share your day with you.

We couldnt afford a sit down meal and an evening buffet, so we have opted for a 4pm wedding. All those invited to the ceremony will be fed, those coming to the evening only wont be (although we are cutting our cake quite late, so will.serve this)

Everyone coming to the ceremony understands we have a tight budget, and on our evening invites we said we'd like people to join us for drinks and dancing.

I personally wouldn't feel comfortable asking for people to pay their own meals or just having a drinks reception after?

You mentioned paying for children's meals have you also considered a no child policy and select a few adults to invite and pay for?

Instead of having a meal how about having a BBQ at home? Or something similar? It wouldn't cost much and you wouldn't need to ask them to pay. I just think it would be really awkward.

If anyone asked me to pay for my own meal I wouldn't mind. But I just couldn't be the one asking.

I've been to a wedding and they provided champagne and we bought our own meals, there budget was very tight so I didnt begrudge it at all there are no what your supposed or not to do the most important thing is your loved ones and yourselves enjoy the day!

As a guest if one of my family told me that they couldn't afford a wedding do and were going to the registry off and then a restaurant, and did I want to come if I had to pay for my family, I would say yes. This would be because I understood their circumatance, love them and want to be with them. If some cousin twice removed asked the same then no. I wouldn't necessarily be buying them a present though. I think this is one only you can anser based on how close you are to these people and I think it's a face to face conversation not a card invitation job. I would expect if I did it though to pay for my whole family and wouldn't expect you to pay for the kids.

We are going to a wedding this year where we have been asked to pay for our own meal instead of getting a gift which is fine with us to be honest. I think we understand as we have been planning our own wedding and know how expensive things can be.

Michelle

We would happily pay for our meal if it meant celebrating the day with people who meant something to us.

I would suggest you do this by having your 'reception' at a restaurant (that you have obviously advised of your plans!). I think asking guests to pay in advance, so you can pay your venue is a little odd though. Because by doing it at a venue you must be paying for room hire, a dj etc. Whereas at a restaurant you would just have your food, so peoples can really understand your cut backs.

Have you considered hiring a village hall? Many out of the city have lovely gardens. My nan hired one for her 75th party and it was £75 from 2pm to 2am on a Saturday. They even had a bar they would staff for free on the basis you didn't bring your own drinks. A friend of my Nan's dj'ed and her son's set up a big BBQ in the garden. There was plenty of food as we had all bought something. There was a play area in the garden that the kids loved. My sister and I decorated as her present. And we finished off the night but setting off Chinese lanterns, we watched them for miles as we were on the outskirts of a village. It was fab!

Seeing as you've asked for opinions, I personally wouldn't feel comfortable with asking people to pay for their own meal. You've said it's £8 per head which really isn't much - is there no way you can cut the cost elsewhere? Also, if you're having lots of kids there, maybe they can have different food which should save you some cash?

I think it depends on the style and cost of your wedding overall, if you are having a big elaborate white wedding with cash splashed on flowers, outfits, venue etc and a set menu with caterers then yes I think it's rude to ask guests to pay.

But if it's a more casual affair, reception at a pub/restaurant where people can choose their own meal then thats different.

I certainly wouldn't be asking people to pay in advance.

WSS. If you're asking for guests to pay for their meals instead of giving gifts/cash, I don't see a problem. Guests give gifts or cash to cover the cost of their meal, so the 'middle man' is just being cut out. It depends on the setting however - at a 'traditional' white wedding this may seem very off.

I couldn't ask a guest to pay for their own meal to my wedding. I would either save up to make sure that I've got enough, delay the wedding or elope.

As others have suggested why don't you just have a late reception with a buffet/BBQ/hog roast rather than a formal sit down wedding breakfast?

This.

The idea of charging people to attend my wedding just fills me with horror to be honest.

Each to their own, but I would personally prefer to save up a bit and pay for the food at least, even if I couldn't cover the drinks.

This also.

I think the only way you can do this is as someone else said - make it a very casual affair and mention that you and your new husband plan to go to whichever pub after the ceremony and that people are more than welcome to join you and order from the menu.

You can't ask people to pay and decide what they're eating if you ask me.

I think it's the height of bad manners personally.

I wouldnt.

I've been to a wedding where we bought our own meal and we didn;t mind at all. It was lovely to be able to celebrate with our friends. The way it was worded was a bit like the formal reception would start at 7:30 however we were welcome to join them for a meal after the reception. I really don't see the problem as long as you are up front with people. I think more and more people are also realising that for some people it's just not possible to spend a fortune on food. However I would make it across the board - kids and adults.

I would never ask people to pay for their own meals at my wedding.

That said if a family member was getting married, and asked if I would pay for my own meal I would consider it. As long as the price was reasonable, and everyone else was paying for their own. I don't like the idea of you paying for children and not adults. As others have said, it would have to be everyone or noone.

A few years ago a friend of mine got married, they didn't have much money and the wedding went like this:

Cheap dresses from the high street, diy hair and makeup, no flowers. No photographer, all the guests passed on the pics we took.

I drove the bride to the registry office in my blue punto as the colour scheme was blue, (I was 6 months pregnant too! lol!)

Anyone who wanted to joined the bride and groom at a nearby pub/restaurant for lunch, everyone paid for their own meal.

In the evening they had a reception at a local workingmans club that did not charge room hire, the bride and grooms family had done all the food themselves. Friend was a DJ so no charge and cant remember if there was a cake.

They couldn't afford a wedding but wanted to get married (they had children) and their friends and family understood this and did what they could to give them a wedding. At no point did we think it was wrong of them to ask us to pay for our meals, they asked us to be a part of their day and that was all that mattered to us.

Hope this helps

Hi,

Just thought I'd put my bit in! We are getting married abroad because we didn't want a big wedding, however since booking several friends have said they would like to come. Our hotel is all inclusive and if guests wish to eat with us it will £50 per head for an all day inclusive pass - the way worded this on the invite was

'We have made a deal with the hotel for £50 per head for an all inclusive pass, which includes use of the hotel facilities including pool and sauna as well as all drinks and your meal, if you would like to join us for a meal and take up this offer we will pay £25 towards the cost'

We haven't had anyone say no to this.

WSS

I would definitely say it depends on what sort of wedding you have - if you have a fancy wedding car, lots of attendants, etc and are obviously spending a lot of money on other things then it would look very strange to ask guests to pay for their meals. If you keep it very casual, as others have suggested, and leave it open to 'join us if you would like'...at such and such, then perhaps you can get away with it.

I think the only way you can really do it is to have it in a way similar to a restaurant, so people order what they want and pay..and also agree with others that it should be across the board of everyone pays for their own, or no-one does.

Having said that, I would not feel comfortable doing it myself....

Like others have said, it depends on the wedding. If you're having a £1500 dress and hired cars in a big hotel then you could cut back on other things to pay for food. But if its a smaller affair, with a more of a DIY approach then I think its okay. Some will be offended put thats a risk you'll have to take.

A friend of mine went to a wedding where they paid for their own food rather than getting a gift. As it was just the two of them (a couple rather than a family) they were happy to do this, however their friends were invited with 3 grown up kids, which meant that the food bill topped £200! More than they would have paid for a present for the new couple!

IMO, I'd cut out the free drinks first and put that towards the food and see where you end up. Not all weddings provide free/welcome drinks.

Good luck!