Adult guests pay for their meal??

I just couldnt doing it. The whole point of hosting your wedding is exactly that.

Could you have your reception in a hall and cater it yourselves with a cold buffet? I feel this would be better than having guests handing over money to eat, or if possible put it off and save a little bit more money. I dont know your situation but just giving my opinion.

Not something I would do personally, but if you really must, then I'd ensure that your invitation is worded more along the lines of "we're going for a meal, feel free to join us if you want to", rather than "here's the time and place and by the way, bring your wallet."

You asked a question and got some answers. No one has been blunt.

Ultimately you will do what you think is best for you and your wedding but you wouldn't have posted if you were 100% sure about it.

Hope you've found the info and help you were looking for.

Alright sister calm down.

i have been thinking about in relation to other posts...and in the right situation i may do. but more like a "we're going to a pub.resteraunt after the wedding if you wanmna join us you're welcome" kinda thing

You asked for opinions - surely you can't actually only expect those that agree with you to post?

Well all you can do is ask people. i'm sure your friends and family would rather pay £8 to spend the day with you than not.

On the assumption that the people you are inviting know that you are strapped for cash and will just be happy for you and look at it as an evening down the pub type thing then I don't think it's a huge deal, I think most people were putting it into the perspective of a large wedding/flowers/dresses/cars/disco etc which of course you aren't doing. I don't think anyone has been blunt however, perhaps that's just how you have interpreted their dislike of what you are going to do, but they haven't been rude about it.

You have to do whatever makes you happy and doesn't leave you shaking with fear at the lack of cash (which is sounds like you are doing).

This.

We had sandwiches, cakes and tea/coffee after our ceremony, in a church hall. Of course I wasn't cooking or serving it myself - it was my wedding day - my mum, brother and cousins pitched in to help set it out and serve it up. Just because something is described as DIY doesn't mean YOU will have to do it YOURSELF on your day. I'd rather ask my friends and relatives for practical help than to pay for their own meals. Just my opinion of course.

TBH I think you are over reacting to people giving their opinions, which is what you asked for.

It read to me, although you haven't been clear, that you are having a register office ceremony followed by what would appear to be quite a traditional wedding breakfast. I think what is not clear is how you are expecting people to pay for this - usually you have to pay in advance, and it is a fixed menu. It also seems that you are paying for wine on tables etc.

I agree with other posters that it would be easier for you to organise and offers more flexibility for people who are paying for you to find a venue to host your reception that is a pub or restaurant where people can order off the menu and pay for their meal that way - I think this is easier to word in an invite, would make more sense to guests and offers them a choice of food for their money.

It would also mean you can invite as many people as that venue could hold... you could probably organise a group discount or free drinks etc for the numbers you bring in so guests get morefor their money, and use the money you would pay for drinks onthe tables for a drink per paerson or somesuch over the bar.

Its not necessarily a terrible thing to be doing, but it is unusual and you have to be prepared for people not to agree with your choice.

People said IF you are splashing out on other things. A valid point, no? How are we supposed to know where you are spending your money without asking?

You asked for opinions and that's what you've got. If you don't like it, don't ask in future.

* us & * our

do whatever you & your OH thinks best. ask your friends and family firsdt...like sund them out about the idea...then see whether a meal where they pay £8...or like each bring a course, plate of food & make it in to like an afternoon tea party.

you would be amazed at home much people want to help! x

Yes. Unequivocally.

No one has been blunt. You asked a question on an internet forum so you must expect a range of answers, not just what you wanted to hear. One of the great things aboiut Hitched is that people will be honest with their opinions rather than the generic 'that's great' that you get on other forums.

Oh and I agree with Dark Moomin.

To follow on from my post above, having seen this one - personally I think you could make it more special by not trying to stick to a wedding mould, and going for a different option.

Just because you cater the day 'yourself' doesn't mean you doing it all on the day - I agree not a great was to have a good day! But I'm sure your friends and family would be welcome to help out - rather than having groomsmen in suits get them aprons and bbq tongs... ask guests to bring something for the bbq or for the buffet table, instead of paying for a meal. You could play up the street party type feel of that approach - if you fancied it go vintage like the Victory day and coronation parties in the past....

These are just ideas, but to me, the most special weddings are not the ones that cost alot necessarily, they are the ones that the people have stamped their identities on, and you can do that without spending very much money at all and having all the people you would like there.

I'm not sure I understand what you're trying to say.

Unfortunately some of us do think it is totally wrong to ask your guests to pay for their meals. If you want opinions, you have to be prepared for the fact that opinions may differ from your own.

Exactly this. You asked for opinions, which people have given. You can't then strop about the answers you've received.

The thing is - people have given alternative ideas whereby you don't pay a perhead price for your guests but how them paying might seem less odd/rude/unacceptable but you don't seem to want those. You say you are stuck, but you son't seem to be considering options aside from your £8 a head fork buffet - quite a 'traditional' weddin type meal, whcih suggests you are using a 'traditional' wedding tpe venue. Invariably this is not the cheapest way to do things.

Well I AM going to be blunt and say that if you're struggling to get your point understood here, then are you certain you can word your invitations in such a way that doesn't offend your guests?

What, sugar coat it you mean?!

Its hard to word "i dont agree with you" in a different way. least you have had some other ideas.

You could have fooled me.

How else can you say 'No, I absolutely think it's wrong' without being "blunt"?

Your original post asked if it was wrong, it didn't ask if we had alternative ideas, so people have responded to your question.

I don't think we understand why you can't change venues/give your guests a choice of meal

I couldn't possibly imagine asking people to pay for their own food at my wedding, but each to their own!

Hi Gemmam86,

As stated before I don't really see a problem with what you are doing, I am in a very similar boar - we want to get married whilst our families are still around and with our friends but aren't doing the whole 'Big' wedding. If your friends know you well they won;t have a problem with this.

You complained that people are of the opinion that it's wrong! ?

Are you two the same person?!

Guests might be polite to your face, but I doubt that they won't think it's rude.

This.

Oh for heaven's sake, no one has started on you.

I think what most people are trying to say (whether your are listeing is another matter) is that in 'certain circumstances' they see why someone would ask they guests to pay for their own food. However, they would not relish the idea themselves.

These 'certain circumstances' tend to involve either a DIY/everyone-chip-in BBQ type do at a village hall, or everyone orders and pays for what they choose at a restaurant.

When you are hiring a venue such as a hotel, where you will no doubt be paying for room hire, and asking guests to pay for a fork buffet, in advance, over which they have no choice of what they will get to eat, is not one of those 'special circustances.'

If you can't afford a 'traditional wedding' be it big, white or other, then you need to find a different way to do your special day and step away from the package hotel deals.