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Beginner September 2026 East London

Advice- Best Friends unable to attend my wedding

Gemma, 15 January, 2025 at 13:59 Posted on Off Topic Posts 0 1

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I got engaged in September last year it was the most amazing day of my life- anybody that knows me it’s a day I have waited for all my life, through the ups and downs over the years through ex relationships I still knew my true love would eventually ask me to marry them!

A few months down the line I went out with my 3 closest friends explained we had got a date in mind for the wedding and advised them it would be a destination wedding as that’s where we got engaged it meant something to us. The dates we thought of were Sept 2026 however 2 of my friends are teachers and as soon as I mentioned the date they said no we can’t come to that went so off and quiet with me it was all so awkward. Everyone else I have invited can make it, my sister as a MOH and I have a close friend as a bridesmaid (who is my best friends cousin by the way makes things weird) ever since then things have just been awkward- my best friend has booked her wedding 2 months before mine now even though she wasn’t going to get married until 2027 however I am happy for her- I can’t help but feel like as they are not coming to my wedding, they haven’t even tried to seem bothered or asked me any questions they are just not interested. I don’t think it’s intentional as I’m sure deep down they are gutted they can’t make it however it all seems to be about my best friends wedding before mine as this is the wedding that everyone can attend. All the questions are for her, all the celebrations are for her! It just makes me sad a little like nobody cares for mine. I get subtle digs too like when she asked us to be bridesmaids she was saying I don’t understand how people can have a wedding and not have their closest friends there. It upsets me, it ruins the wedding planning for me, I sent them save the dates, I added them to my wedding list and I’m inviting them to the dress try on and the hen do’s and everything it just won’t be as special as they are not actually involved in my wedding. I even suggested a live stream too so they can watch the ceremony I wanted them to be as involved as possible but there just seems to be a lack of interest- any suggestions on how I could involve them more to make them feel more included that would be great?
I understand they are teachers, it’s hard to get time off or almost impossible! My partners friends are teachers and they have managed it some how, it’s the lack of trying for me they said no straight away (couldn’t of even faked it or said they would try) however I can’t ask everyone else that can make the wedding to pay double the price as 2 people can’t make it, plus August weddings make everything so much more expensive like the hotels alone! September is a special month for us and it’s what we as a couple wanted. People say that weddings are about the couple not everyone else don’t they?
Part of me also now feels a bit sour towards her wedding I shouldn’t feel like that it’s just how I feel and I’m trying to just forget about it and be happy for her but I just feel a bit low about the whole situation! The hen do’s will be awkward as I’m just not over the moon about the whole thing so I just feel stuck! Any advice or just someone who understands how I feel out there would be so comforting :-/ sorry to sound like a crazy bridezilla!

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Latest activity by RomanticGreenStationery27135, yesterday at 17:18

VIP July 2020 Monmouthshire
RomanticGreenStationery27135 · Yesterday at 17:18
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It sounds as if both you and your best friends are sad that they won't be able to attend your wedding.
But the difference is that you are the person who has chosen to pick a venue and time that they cannot attend. There's nothing wrong with that - you have every right to pick a date and venue for your wedding that is 'special' to you, but it's unfair to pick a date that your friends have already told you in advance that they can't make and then feel 'sour' because they can't make it. You've prioritised a 'special' month and location over your friends being able to attend - that is your choice and you need to own it.
It also feels a bit unfair to blame your friends for 'not trying' to get time off. Just because other people who are teachers have managed to get time off doesn't mean that your friends should also be able to get time off. Different educational establishments and different teaching roles have different rules. If your friends already knew that they would be unable to attend on the date you were considering, it would have been dishonest of them to lie to you and pretend that they might. Also, if you were only 'considering' the date at that point, they might have wanted to let you know immediately that they could not attend so that if their presence at your wedding was important to you, you could pick a different date.
As for them being uninterested in your wedding, they may find it hard to talk about a wedding from which they have been excluded, even if they understand your reasons. Some people would find it comforting to be able to go to dress fittings etc under these circumstances, while others would just feel it was rubbing their noses in it.
As for your friend choosing to move her wedding forward by a year, that almost certainly has nothing to do with you - people bring weddings forward for many different reasons - job changes, desire to start a family, concern that relatives won't be well enough to attend if the wedding is delayed or that a loved one with a terminal illness might die...the list is endless. Since most of the reasons are deeply personal, it wouldn't be surprising for someone to move their wedding date forward without giving a reason.
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