Advice for etiquette- Chicken pox drama

Sounds a bit of a drama over nothing, to me personally, but I had chicken pox when I was in my early teens, and it wasn't much fun. Both my kids dealt with it fine when they picked it up as toddlers though.

From what I understand, you're only infectious if the spots are blistered. Once they scab over you won't pass on the infection. If she's already spotty, I'm sure by next week they'll have all turned to scabs and will be healing, so everyone should be fine for the actual wedding.

I always think of it as you could be standing next to someone in a queue at the shop that could infect you with something, and if you're able to stay out of someone's way at a wedding, with minimal contact, you could spend more time next to an infectious stranger.

Hope things calm down soon x

That's my understanding too. You'd have thought that NHS Direct would have known that.

I can understand people being concerned about contracting chicken pox if they haven't had it before and/or if they don't understand at what point it is and isn't contagious. Chicken pox can be dangerous for adults who haven't had it before and people who already have a compromised immune system. You seem to have created a bit of the panic yourselves by telling people, who probably thought you have mentioned it so therefore there must be something to worry about. Although I understand you had the best of intentions and to some extent you were damned if you did and damned if you didn't.

However, it would seem from what others have said that the little one shouldn't be contagious by the time your wedding comes around, so if that's the case then you can assure your guests that there is nothing to worry about. If the little one is still contagious, I would have to ask her to stay home - I couldn't put one child before the health of my other guests. However, my guests included elderly people and young babies, and maybe yours don't.

Personally I would be asking the parent of the girl to keep her away from the wedding if she wasn't better by the time she needed to be- if anyone was ill at any other time, they would stay away (whether it be work or school).

I wouldn't want other guests dropping out because of it.

But then that's just my personal opinion (and I've never had chicken pox either, so I'd be cautious of catching them before my honeymoon!)

I'm a pharmacist so you can take this as "professional advice" if you like. Chicken Pox are at the most contagious during the initial phase which is not usually recognised as chicken pox as there are no spots. For around one to two weeks prior to the first spots appearing, the patient will have cold like symptoms and the virus can be spread through air droplets in the same way as a cold. The patient remains contagious until the spots scab over which usually takes around 10-14 days.

I'm fairly certain the child won't be contagious by the time your wedding comes around but they may still look a bit spotty which can alarm people who don't know better. To be honest I wouldn't have even bothered telling people unless one of my guests were pregnant which can cause problems.

My 6 year old got chicken pox and it didn't bother him. He gave it my six month old who was a bit crabby and also my partner as was who ended up in hospital. Hence most parents want their kids to catch it.

I agree if you work out the dates it's unlikely she will be contagious but if she is .Sorry I would have to ask her to stay away if there are elderly people at the wedding and again if I'm right that they can become ill from it even if they have had chicken pox. Also what if people don't know they are pregnant. Maybe the pharmacist hitched can confirm or deny that.

If she is still at an infectious stage I'm not sure I would want to risk the elderly if it's true.

I agree with the above advice given, it seems that you have made a bit of a mountain out of a mole hill by telling all your guests when it is unlikely that she will be contagious anyway. BUt now that is done, I think that I personally would advise Charlotte's mother that she should stay away if she is still contagious to not put elderly or pregnant guests at risk, as hard as that may be.

However, I also think that your bridesmaid really is making a fuss over this. I understand she doesn't want it now as it is horrible for adults but I do think she will be quite lucky to go through her whole adult life without catching chicken pox from someone. And I can almost guarantee that she has encountered people with the bug many times in her life without realising and not caught it.

I'm sorry you have found yourself in this predicament and hope you find a peaceful way to resolve it.

Tell your bridesmaid to have the vaccine and get over herself or not to come, she exposed to it every single day in public without knowledge anyway ?

as for the other flowergirls parents... yes complete sense to deliberatly block of your child from getting something that gets more dangerous with age ?

the only way it would be irrasponsible is if you have babies/pregnant guest coming or people with weekend immune systems such as people on cancer treatments like chemo (even though the recovering girl should not be contagous anyway)

my 4 year old was the same - got it at nursery and had even the doctors confused... he only got 4 blisters total (1 on his back, 2 on his chest and 1 on his tummy) and was completly fine, a total non event in his life

I got it very bad as a child an was hospitalised with encepalitis (a very rare complication) and I still would not block my kids from getting it or act like the bridesmaid is... it was a 1/**** shot getting what I got and I have a dodgy immune system on top of that which added complications anyway - Ive never met anyone else that had what I had

Will the bridesmaid not have children because she can't risk chicken pox? Yes there is a vaccine. We used to take our kids to play with other kids who had chicken pox to get it over with early as the older you get the worse it is. My six year old was fine and played with all the kids on the street when their parents knew.

I was going to say the same as everyone else, it sounds like she wouldn't be contagious anyway by that point.

That being said, I'm 24 and have never had chicken pox, and it would make me nervous if I was told a child with chicken pox was going to be somewhere I was going.
It would depend on how important the event was to me - if I was a bridesmaid, I would make more of an effort to see if there was a way I could be there rather than just giving the bride a decision like that to make.
For reference I have other health issues which mean I don't think I can get the vaccine and it would be dangerous for me to catch it. (I am also not planning to have children, no, but that has nothing to do with chicken pox). I'm certainly not saying this is the case for that bridesmaid, but just pointing out that she may have genuine concerns and not just need to 'get over herself'.

It sounds like it is irrelevant anyway as the flower girl shouldn't be contagious and I would point that out to your bridesmaid for sure so that she knows the risk is so low/non existant. I just wanted to give an opinion from another side.

If a woman didn't know she was pregnant and wasn't trying, it's likely she will be exposed to a lot more environmental factors and things like alcohol which can equally cause problems. Once the spots are out, as long as people aren't all over the girl then it's unlikely they will get anything. Like I said, the most contagious stage is when nobody would realise it was chicken pox.

If I knew someone was actively trying for a baby or had immunity issues I would probably just warn them to stay away from the girl as an extra precaution but like I said, she probably won't be contagious anymore.

Thanks for the comments everyone.

"I would have to ask her to stay home - I couldn't put one child before the health of my other guests."

"Sorry I would have to ask her to stay away"

To those who think I ought to un-invite the flower girl because of of possible contagion: Does the fact that my bride has spent time with Charlotte, (which the NHS says makes her a possible carrier) mean that we ought to postpone the whole do?

Everyone who has had chicken pox is a carrier, it remains in your nervous system once you have recovered from the initial infection and is the same virus triggered when you get shingles (this is not caused by exposure to another person with chicken pox though, it is random).

Do what you like, but I can't see the point of postponing over this or uninviting a poor girl for having had chicken pox. Unless you were put through to an out of hours doctor when you spoke to NHS direct, you were just speaking to a telephone operator with basic training and Google.

As an adult myself who has somehow managed to stay free from the pox, I would never dream of acting like your bridemaid. I would just be a little bit more cautious not to accidentally hug the kid or get too physical with them.

Yes, others may get the disease but the majority of adults will have had it anyway and if the pox are showing then there is a negligable chance of infection as I am led to believe that the person with it is most infectious pre spots appearing.

No! As long as someone washes their hands in between physical contact with a contagious person/their environment and another person/a different environment, then there is no risk of transmission. In your case, I don't think Charlotte will be contagious anyway. And as said above, if you bride (and anyone else) has already had chicken pox in their life, they will be a carrier (AKA immune to getting the infection again). This is with the exception of shingles which is nothing to do with exposure).

I would also comment that NHS direct is not the best source of evidence based information.

Is there any chance that the adult bridesmaid is pregnant and you don't know yet?

By next week I would assume that the girls spots will have crusted over and she will be non-contagious. If the spots have crusted over, will you re-invite the other flower girl? I think I would be upset more at them missing out.

I used to work in the vaccine industry. Part of my job was to educate GP's and nurses about chicken pox & vaccination!

The solution to the adult's fears is to pay for the vaccine privately. CP is so infectious that we all catch it sooner or later. I was one of those kids that was never ill. I caught it from a colleague at work when I was 27! At that time I was working in vaccine information for the NHS and my pharmacist colleague in the staff room came into work with a "rash" on her arm. She didn't think her rash could be CP as she'd already had it as a child.

The lady who is fearful should just get herself vaccinated. CP is much worse for adults and she can't avoid catching it much longer!

Unless your bridesmaid is planning to smother the child with kisses and cuddles, she is no more likely to get CP from her than she is from a kid in the supermarket or anywhere else.

CP is only really a 'worry' for pregnant women, those with compromised immune systems and the very elderly and frail..... is it possible your Bridesmaid may be pregnant and not ready to tell anyone yet and THAT is why she is so worried?

Weighing in on this from the point of someone who deals with outbreaks of contagious diseases.

Chicken Pox is highly contagious, being in the same room as someone with the virus for 15 minutes, or having any face to face contact with them is enough for transmission to occur. In adults it is extremely serious - I myself was hospitalized in Intensive Care with Chicken Pox as an adult. Once you have had the virus once, it will remain latent in your body and hopefully will ensure lifelong immunity (this is not always 100% the case though) so your fiancee will more than likely not become infectious.

You need to consider that there could be people attending who haven't had the virus who would be at serious risk if transmitted to them. This is the advice I give in the event of contact with a case of chicken pox:

Chicken pox is an acute, highly infectious disease caused by the varicella zoster (VZ) virus. Chicken pox is transmitted directly by personal contact or droplet spread. The incubation period is between one and three weeks from exposure.

Chicken pox usually begins with one to two days of fever and malaise although this may be absent, particularly in young children. Vesicles begin to appear on the face and scalp, spreading to the trunk and abdomen and eventually to the limbs. After three or four days, the vesicles dry with a granular scab and are usually followed by further crops. Vesicles may be so few as to be missed or so numerous that they become confluent, covering most of the body

Chicken pox most commonly affects infants, however the disease can be more serious in adults, particularly individuals in the following high risk groups:

• undergoing treatment for cancer (or have received treatment in the last 6months),
• post-transplant
• on high dose steroids (or have been on in the last three months)
• on immunosuppressive drugs or immunosuppressed by other means
• individuals who are pregnant or trying for a baby so may be in early stages of pregnancy
• HIV positive individuals

You need to decide if you want to speak to each and every one of your guests about this, or if you want to exclude Charlotte IF she's still contagious.