Advice needed- Incurable cancer

Hi lovely

im so sorry for this horrible news. From someone who just lost her MIL to cancer 4 months before the wedding, I would say absolutely move it forward. In our case we knew she had cancer and was having treatment, we knew she would never be free of cancer but was responding well to treatment. Then she began to be in a lot of pain from end of October and end of December they told us she had 3 weeks. That was the first time they had ever given us a time scale and obviously there was nothing we could arrange in 3 weeks. It was desperately grim and still fills my heart with sadness when I think of her not being there at the wedding.

X

I don't have advice of what to do but here's my story anyway, we found out a year ago my mum had incurable cancer, by November it was in her bones, lymph nodes and lungs, at the start they said it would most likely be years and altho by November we realised it would be quite so long we decided to book the wedding for this April to make sure she could make the most of it and enjoy it fully, a few weeks ago she'd got a little unwell with an infection but was still having treatment, but then she passed away last week with just over 5 weeks until my wedding.

Oops posted too soon! So you really can't no what will happen, I'd still have moved my wedding forwards if id have known as my mum was so excited and got to be involved in a lot of the planning, the wedding was her thing to aim too and it was special being able to plan things with her, and even tho things have changed for the worst I still really value the wedding stuff we did get to do together

Oh hun, that's awful . Big hugs to everyone.

As for what to do, not knowing the timescale is the hardest bit. My dad was told 3-6 months when he was diagnosed. Just 3 weeks later he was gone. Yet there are many who go the other way. My MIL (technically ex, but still as good as) is having chemo for stomach cancer, and it's that wait and see what happens game ☹️. I have no idea f she will be around next August, just have to hope.

I suppose your options would be to carry on with the plans as they are, possibly requesting a civil wedding that can be done urgently on health grounds should things take a serious turn for the worse. Then you could carry on with the original plans more as a blessing and celebration of her life etc.

Or try and move the whole thing closer and try and get as much of the deposits back as possible by explaining the situation to each supplier.

It's down to how your fiancee feels, but definitely consider all options sooner rather than later, just in case

Sorry to hear this, it must very stressful for everyone.

One of my couples booked for wedding photography has just been through a similar situation. Their wedding is booked for Nov 2015.

A few months ago they discovered the brides grandad (I think) has terminal cancer. They would have lost their venue deposit etc and also could not afford the same wedding if they brought it forward a year. So they kept all the original wedding bookings but booked a very low budget ceremony & family party instead last year.

In November they will have a bigger wedding celebration.

Im very sorry to hear this my heart goes out to you, i have some experience with cancer in my family but alot more through work, my grandad passed away 6 months after being diagnosed with lung cancer where as my nan passed away after 5 years with bowel cancer, am a registered medical nurse and deal with cancer on a daily basis, in my experience with her diagnosis i would say weeks to a couple of months. Of corse i have not seen her but once cancer spreads to bone it very rapidly takes over other areas of the body, with it being in her lung it also have a high persentage of secondarys to the brain. I am sorry to be so blunt, and of corse some people are the exception but i would try and prpare your partner. I dont think i would move my wedding if i were on your position instead i would try to spend as much time with her while she is still here

I'm so sorry to hear your news, it's so sad. We lost FFIL a fortnight ago, 3 weeks after he was diagnosed with cancer. We get married in just under 4 months, I wish we could have moved the date so he could have been there. It makes me feel so sad when i think of the day without him.

it's hard to know what to do for the best, i'm sure you have other family and friends giving their opinions which isn't always easy. I think you should speak to your fiance and see what he wants to do.

Sorry i haven't been much help, but sending you lots of love x

I'm so sorry to read your news. I have no advice to give, but couldn't read and run.

Sending you and your family some weird internet hugs x

Im really sorry to read this news, I think what you need to do is take some time to absorb this and then re evaluate.

My dad had stomach cancer and even though it was incurable he did well on Chemo, however once it hit his liver he went down hill very very quickly - we were told it was terminal in june and he passed away the end of July.

If I was you, so not to lose you deposits and because your MIL sounds so poorly, Why not have a small ceremony - like a registry office service with your MIL and other family as witnesses and then a meal or something (even though she may not feel like eating?). Then I would continue the wedding you had planned next year. Does that sound odd? It sounded better when i thought it and less when i typed...

Without doubt I would bring the wedding forward - it would be so important to me to have everyone there that I loved. It might cost more but I have seen lots of venues do last minute weddings for half the price. Speak to your venue about the situation and they should help. Good luck & fingers crossed

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I don't have any advice but didn't want to read and run ?

So very sorry for everyone who has experienced loss, some very saddening stories on this thread

this one in particular almost brought me to tears. To lose your mum so close to your wedding day...this would absolutely tear me to pieces. You are so brave.

I don't really have anything to add that hasn't been said.

Just wanted to say I'm thinking of you and your partner

xx

Thanks that is very helpful and I appreciate the honesty. I'm hoping we can get a doctor to be similarly blunt with he prospects. At least we would know what we were dealing with in that scenario. I expect I'll end up talking to her mum about it if they do get anything about timescales from the doctor, otherwise it's a very difficult subject to broach. My fiancee doesn't even want to talk about the prospect of her mum not being here later this year (understandable.)

Thanks and yes this would be my preference. It's a hard thing because there are lots of different emotions. I of course want the MIL to be there but there is also a small part of me that thinks we have spent hours planning it all and not to be able to do it in the way we wanted will also be a shame. Obviously having her there is more important and doing what my fiancee wants but also I wouldn't want to look back in twenty years time and be sad about the compromises we would have to make. I know for example that there are an awful lot of people who would be keen to wish me well and I would be sad if were restricted to just a couple because of the short notice. I think maybe having both would be a good compromise but as I said it's what my MIL and fiancee wants that counts.

Thanks for letting me share, it helps just writing it down.

Thanks so much for this. Cancer really is a horrible disease. It really will be a hard day if we lose her before then, especially as the MIL's dad passed away last year as well.

Really sorry to hear about your situation. We were in a very similar situation, we moved the wedding forward and planned a wedding from 0 - 60 in 4 months. The lady in question is still with us but has deteriorated quickly and although she was ill on the day itself she enjoyed herself and we have wonderful memories and pictures of her in (slightly) better health. We do not regret moving it forward at all.

Having said that I know of one lady on here who lost her father 6 weeks before her wedding, though he had gone undiagnosed for several months and passed away only a few weeks after being diagnosed.

Had a chance to talk to her properly at the weekend. It was a relief to be able to talk about it freely despite it being upsetting obviously. We have agreed to keep our date of the wedding but if it gets dramatically worse to look into having a smaller ceremony beforehand with just family and then a bigger celebration nearer the time. Thanks for the advice on here, it made the decision easier.