Age old question of playing the guest game

Different rules for different sides is perfectly understandable in my view - my partner’s family is much smaller than mine, so he’s inviting all aunts, uncles and cousins. My extended family is enormous, so I’m only inviting cousins I’m close to, and aunts/uncles Who have a special place such as godparents. Admittedly we then plan to have a separate do for my extended family, they live abroad so having that back home is our compromise, but I don’t think you need to have a blanket “rule” for both “your” guests and “theirs”

I am in same situation, I have 16 cousins, who then have their own kids so in total I am looking at round 40 for just them! We have made the decision to have just aunts/uncles for the day and all cousins and kids to the evening as just couldn't justify the cost for people we don't really see. Also, I agree with your partner, all or nothing, there could be a lot of fall out if you don't invite some, even if you are confirmable with it, which could lead to people not coming so you need to prepared to accept their decisions. That said, of your family are not particularly close and you thing they will understand then go for what you want, is your wedding after all

I am in exactly the same boat as you so appreciate the struggle. Have you spoken to your core family group about what the potential fall out could be if you select certain cousins to come and not others? That could sway your decision.


I wanted to invited just two cousins and not my other 4 due to not knowing/seeing them, but the fall out that will be dumped on my mum isn’t worth not inviting them. So I’m having to bite the bullet and do the all or none rule now.
But like Charlotte said, if your family are likely to be okay with your choice then absolutely go ahead with what you want and invite the people you want there! 😊

I think inviting only some from a particular group of relatives is acceptable as long as there is a clear difference in the closeness of the relationships.

For example, I invited 2 aunts and one uncle to our wedding - my OH had met them several times, and I have contact with them all multiple times a year. With my other aunts and uncles, we exchange Christmas and birthday cards and that's it - I hadn't seen them or spoken to them for over 2 years before the wedding and they'd never met my OH.

Where it gets a bit more difficult is if there is more of a sliding scale - so if you meet up with some cousins monthly but haven't seen the others for years, it's easy. But if you meet some cousins monthly, others 3-4 times a year, others twice a year, others annually...where do you make the cutoff point?

Thanks so much everyone! Very valid points all round, it is a clear cut off between the two groups but concerns about family fall out might mean we do aunts/uncles to day and cousins to evening.