AIBU or has my ex lost the plot..?

I d just totally ignore him, and not respond to anything in any way.i would keep the texts he s sent you though, and tbh, i think you could go to the police with the threat of break in.

all sounds very odd.

He sounds nuts. I would send him the ornaments and change my mobile number

L
xx

He sounds quite odd, and quite unreasonable. I'd give him the ornament and ignore any texts from him from now on. He's trying to control you, and you just pushing back is probably how you both behaved before/during the break-up and you're both reverting to type.

You've moved on, found someone new and are happy, give him the thing if it makes him happy and look forward to 2009 free of him

I would have a bit of sympathy for him TBH - while it's easy for you to be fine about your divorce, he may be more sad about it, and is latching onto sentimental things. If it were me, I'd reply and say that I'd post it to him, and then do it. No point being stubborn as a mule really.

WHLS. ?

Sounds like he'd just trying to get a reaction out of you now that you've got the decree absolute - it's like there's no formal tie any more so he wants to see if he can still provoke a reaction. As Nick says, ignore but keep the texts.

I would do what Nick says and ignore him. I have an ex like that, he insists I owe him money/things on the rare occasion I speak to him. This is 6 years after we have broken up, thankfully he is calm about it.

If you give him the ornament will he stop there? I might be way off here but from my side but it could be a form of control over you. I gave my ex a DVD he insisted was his just to get him off my back and he kept coming back wanting more stuff.

If you feel abit edgy I think contacting the police is a good idea.

You see i wouldnt give in and send it to him. if he has control "issues" it may be a way to get bubs to do something she doesnt want to do, and then who s to say he may come back in a few weeks or months and demand something else. if then its refused, he could get really angry and do something stupid.

so no, my view remains. dont send it, keep the texts safe, and do not respond to anything further. if he turns up at the house, dont answer the door, and if he continues with the texts, go to the police with a harrassment angle (because thats what is is)

I'd like to send him the ornament in a jiffy bag, broken into pieces. However that would be very childish and I probably wouldn't really do it... I can't imagine it would improve the situation.

I wouldn't send it to him though - like others have said it might not be the end of it and he might come back for other things at a later date. Ignore and keep the texts. Or tell him to contact you through his solicitor.

Could it be that he wants to see you? You haven't mentioned whether he said that he wanted it to be given, or posted etc? I'm also wondering if he has found out about your new boyfriend and has taken the view that he doesn't want this new guy using anything that was special between the two of you? Of course, he could just be a bit crazy.

To be honest, I agree with others. I think that once he has this ornament, he will just move onto something else and keep on. I don't suppose that the nastiness commenced around the time he might have found out about a new boyfriend and has built from there as Christmas approaches?

I personally would go to the police and log the incident, showing them the texts and the threat so that his behaviour is on record in case he does wind up turning up on your doorstep. I would then change my mobile number. I know it is a big hassle, but I think it would be worth it if he couldn't contact you via it any more.

Normally, I would say to just give him the bloody ornament, but at the end of the day, I think he is just using it as an excuse and he will just keep seizing on other things firstly to get a reaction and secondly to stay a part of your life.

Edited to add that I was debating about posting this or not, but have decided to. When my mum left my dad he was a bit like this, he started contacting her demanding the most ridiculous things like spoons etc. We all knew it wasn't about the spoons, it was about keeping control and getting a reaction. Mum eventually caved and gave him back the spoons and the next week he started on about wanting a photo of me and my brother as children, which was ridiculous as he couldn't stand either of us. Mum refused as it was the only one he had and the next day he left a bag of torn up baby photos of me and my brother on mums doorstep saying if he couldn't have the one, he didn't want any. I'm just posting this to say that at no point was it about any of the items he asked for, it was purely just to cause upset and I think this situation is the same.

To me, this is very odd. At a stretch, only if it were a sentimental or valuable ornament or if his mother had died or something like that, then I'd advise giving it to him but in the circumstances you describe, I'd ignore, save the texts somewhere safe and change my mobile number. He could be trying to press your buttons as in"you'll do what I want". Very odd though.

I don't find it odd at all - it's SOP for looper exes ? Mine made up a long story about a final demand having arrived at his flat for me, called me over and over at midnight (on 13 February - ex Mr Bubs has picked Christmas) and then when I refused to answer, called a mutual friend... They do it just to see if they can provoke a reaction.

Quite agree with all of this especially the last paragraph. Although in my part coward part stubborn as a mule head I probably would have told him that the ornament was broken or that I had given it to a charity shop so that he couldn't have had it back. However, as others have said this may just make him move on to the next excuse if he is doing it for other reasons.

Sorry to post and run yesterday, I couldn't get back on to hitched for some reason.

He has know for months that I have a new boyfriend, in fact he himself had a new girlfriend withing 2 weeks of us splitting (which I was over the moon about as it meant I didn't get any hastle from him).

The orniment itself cant be the issue (as far as I know). His mother is alive and well, and its not worth much.

I think I will do as suggested and just ignore him. I have kept the messages and am being extra careful about keeping doors locked etc.

I haven't heard from him since Friday, so I just hope he was talking after a few beers or something. It's just such a shame that it has come to this, I really wanted to keep things civil, but I can now see that we were only civil because I was going out of my way to accomodate him..

Thanks for all of your replies, it's good to know its not me who is being an unreasonable nutcase ?.