AJ needed please!

You rang?

Can't find the original thread but this is the link to the Hampshire register services handbook of readings and ceremonys: http://www.hants.gov.uk/rh/registration/readings.pdf and most districts should have a similar booklet available. Ours was sent after we'd both given notice in our home districts (we're getting married in Hampshire, a third district so it's quite a complex thing).

The "Guest response" vows is at the end of the pack but essentially is

Friends and Family of ………………. and ……………… you have been invited here today to witness the joining of these two people in marriage. Will you continue to support them and their families, laughing with them in times of happiness and comforting them in times of difficulty and disappointment.

We will

Will you be there for them when they need advice or help, giving them encouragement, love and support and helping them, in turn, to form their own secure and loving family circle.

We will

It's very similar to those in a church service. But as was posted, it seems to be a fairly new thing and not all registrars are aware you can have them - so make sure they are aware you can have them well before you send in the pack with your details

Ahh, thank you for the quick reply - I will do some better googling! Those vows sound lovely - good way of getting everyone involved. Cheers.

The other thing we saw was that everyone touches the bag the rings are in as they enter into the ceremony room, and either wish you good luck, say a prayer or whatever else, before the ceremony begins but that can be quite a time consuming exercise.

The 'guest vows' are quite inoffensive, and are a standard part of a wedding when it's in a church, so I think it's great we can have it within a civil ceremony context (although we are having a Christian blessing straight after the civil ceremony once the registrars have left; we're playing a piece of music as an interlude whilst they grab their bag and scoot. Technically, if you follow the letter of the law, you have to wait until the registrars have actually left the property boundary (ie the car park and driven out on to the road) but in practical terms most are fine with them actually leaving the room before you begin the blessing - after all if they aren't in earshot they can't complain can they? It meant being slightly creative with our all inclusive "Order of the day" brochure but we sent them a copy of our plans and they were happy with that - basically the blessing starts on a new page which you have to turn over after the end of the ceremony, so they don't "see it" when doing the ceremony.

Methinks the rules are silly but sadly nobody seems to be fighting the case of people who want a religious aspect included in a civil ceremony.

Which district are you getting married in? I'll see if I can find any details of 'guest vows' in their paperwork.

Thanks again AJ - we're getting married in Ashford in Kent and the whole ceremony will be civil. It seems that they won't let us know more about what we can have till much nearer the time.

I'm really looking forward to your wedding report - I hope you will do us proud with a proper long one and lots of photos. x

I've had a look at the Kent weddings site and it's pretty useless really isn't it!

You should get information when you confirm the registrar which shouldn't be too long looking at your ticker?

I'm certainly planning on a report - but the full one may not be for a month or so as obviously I can't do anything about the video till I get back from the honeymoon. I'm hoping that my mum will be able to figure out my camera and take a few shots during the day - we're using our laptop for the ceremony music anyway so if everything goes to plan in a spare half hour during the day I might even try and get online and stick a few photos up on here during the day or the sunday depending on how things go.

There will no doubt be a full report in due course - we can put it together when on our honeymoon as I'm sure we'll not want to forget anything.

But the videos, like I said, won't be till a little later when I expect half the people here then will wonder who I am We're planning on making a full DVD of the day to send to everyone who came, and those that didn't, on request.

We got no information on readings or music etc (other than the bog standard you aren't allowed to have religious stuff) from our registrar, which is why I found your link to your county registrar very useful AJ - Cumbria is obviously behind the times ha ha!

You're not the first person to say they got nothing from their registrar - most bizarre, maybe they just want everyone to do the straightforward simple ceremony rather than handling "different stuff".

It's our big day and we've made it ours, within the guidelines set out. There's no reason why everyone else shouldn't be able to do the same, so for anyone in the same "no info" boat I'd suggest hassling the registrars and asking why there isn't anything available. If nobody asks them they might not realise that they are behind the times.

Each district is no doubt different but for the full Hampshire weddings site click here: https://www3.hants.gov.uk/marriage

One other tip is that the first time I rang them, I got the name of the person I spoke to, then whenever I've needed to talk to them about something else I've asked to speak to the same person, and she is now so familiar with our plans she almost recognises my voice when I ring and we're on first name terms. Makes life a lot easier than having to explain everything over and over again.

You've hit the nail on the head - when I rang them to check that they had recieved my letter and options about vows they said (paraphased)

them "well we're not sure about these guest vows"

me "well there from another county and have been used before"

them "well our registrars know the ceremony and this would be something additional to learn"

me in my head "isn't that part of the job to read out loud something written on a piece of paper?"

I wish I said that bit out loud, but diplomatic me went "umm" and they said they weren't too onerous so would think about it.

To the OP, hope AJ's link helps and make sure you push for what you want if they kick up a fuss.

If this is a new option, then clearly they don't "know the ceremony" completely. After all, there are plenty of variants on the standard vows alone, and apart from the "legal bits" which have to be done a certain way and in a certain order, with the exception of "any religious content" the rest of the ceremony is really entirely yours to personalise. After all, you're paying for it, and it's your big day, not the registrars.

After all, if you don't push for it, who will?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBShN8qT4lk

Kent registrars give you a very comprehensive pack once you have given notice and are all paid up. With over 12 months to go I wouldn't be panicking right now -you can't give notice until less than a year anyway, and many places recommend you leave it until 6 months or less because your license is valid for one year, that gives you a bit of leaway in case you need to postpone the wedding.

Thanks for replies, AJ, Jude and Anne. Will look at Hampshire site and then wait and see for a bit - We've been advised to go and give notice in January or February next year. Guess I shoudn't be worrying about stuff like this just yet but... Bridezilla here I come!

You have plenty of time, indeed, but there is a lot to organise and lots of options to think about so really there's no harm in planning some things now, although stuff like who sits on what table is probably not worth faffing around with quite yet

Just gave Hampshire a quick call, they aren't sure exactly when it came in but it's certainly been included in the options for several years.

Apparently the basic 'legal bits' are the things that have to be included in every ceremony and the wording cannot be changed, but pretty much everything else (apart from religious bits) can be included on request of the bride and groom.

Depending on the registrar you speak to, they all have their own "preferences" as to how they like to conduct a service, but if you want the guest vows (which apparently are a 'standard wording') then there really is absolutely no reason why you cannot have them. If your registrar says they cannot, ask them to explain why they don't offer it when other districts happily do (and feel free to point them to the Hampshire page) and if they still refuse to do it, ask to speak to their manager. Eventually you should find someone who accepts that other districts do it, therefore there is no reason why they cannot do it, and then you can have it included in your ceremony.

As you say, it's a great way for your honoured guests to feel 'part of the day' rather than just observers.