Alternatives to humanist ceremony?

Do you have any friends or family members with good speaking voices that you can rope in? I've been thinking about a Quaker style wedding where anyone can get up and say something (in reality I think people will have to be primed, I can't imagine many of our guests spontaneously deciding to stand up). The idea is that the couple are married by the congregation, rather than by a minister or anyone official. Then you make your vows to each other. My dad's family were Quakers so this is what gave me the idea, they seem to be quite popular in southern America, there are lots of wedding blogs with them.

I think we still need someone to 'oversee' and bring everything together though, so have been emailing a few celebrants. As I don't really want them to do a whole ceremony script, I am hoping it might come in cheaper. I can't afford anything like what they're charging either x

Sounds like a very interesting idea!

We have each chosen a friend to do a reading of their choice - and we don't want to know what it is before either. But like you say, we kind of need someone to "over see" and take the lead in terms of giving a ceremony really. We were planning on not telling any of the guests that it wasn't actually a legal wedding until after during the speeches, because we still want all the traditional bits and pieces.

We did think of getting a well spoken older friend/acquaintance (could come up with one quite easily I imagine) who no one else would know or recognise, but it's the whole writing the ceremony thing which seems a little daunting, like you say!

Try googling 'wedding ceremony script' there are lots of them around. They mostly seem to be American as I think it's more commonly done over there but you can adapt. I had never thought about doing it like this but I'm so excited about it now.

When we have our legal bit I'm going to ask bridesmaids and ushers to come if they are not working as well as our parents, then I'm thinking we can all go to the pub afterward and any family or friends who have travelled up could come and meet us all for a few pre wedding day drinks afterwards. I think we will mention that fact that this isn't a legal ceremony but for us it IS our wedding and that the most important thing is being surrounded by our family and friends. Then everyone there signs a wedding certificate (another Quaker tradition which I think is beautiful)

Yeah, our plan is to get family there (plus his groomsmen and my best women!) - surprise, we're getting married now - then out for lunch then to the venue to decorate for the next day!

I thought I was completely mad to begin with, but it solved all our problems, and H2B thinks it's a great idea too!

Oh that's a brilliant idea. I love the surprise bit, it's how my parents got married! I've already told my chief bridesmaid though, so the others will probably know by now. I'm rubbish at keeping secrets.

If you google "independent celebrant" then you should find some that are not affiliated to the humanists. There are restrictions humanist celebrants have that independent celebrants don't have.

In terms of the fee, the reason it costs more than you expected is because of the preparation time. Celebrants spend a long time with you, helping decide on each aspect of the ceremony & vows. With a register office ceremony that's all pretty much decided for you, so there isn't much planning time required. A celebrant-led ceremony is much more bespoke.

As you will already be legally married if you can sort out a script you can have any friend or family member 'marry' you at your ceremony and therefore not pay anything for someone else to come and preside over it.

I have an independent celebrant and she charges 500 pounds for everything (script writing, rehearsal, travel, and ceremony). There are a few non-humanist celebrant associations that provide similar things as the humanist association, such as training, and the celebrants cover for each other in emergencies. So if you can afford the lower end of the scale, I'd email a few and get quotes. I got the impression this is a pretty average price.

We started out looking for humanist celebrants, and I would think you can find those for similar fees as well. After watching a few videos of humanist ceremonies however I decided I actually prefer and independent celebrant. We wanted to include a few religious elements and this gives us more freedom for that. The humanists are generally quite flexible and of course it also completely depends on the individual, but it bothered me that they usually include quite a long statement about humanism in their introduction to the ceremony, which to me sounds a bit too much like 'advertising' and not something about the couple. Some of the celebrants I saw videos of kept going on about how humanism is not offensive to anyone, which ironically I found a bit offensive - surely it's up to each guest to decide what does and doesn't offend them! ?

I have a lovely family friend who just happens to be really good at public speaking, is creative and spiritual. She's doing our ceremony on the Saturday and we're just doing the formal bit on the Friday but not telling anyone.

I initially wanted a humanist ceremony but I nearly had a heart attack when I saw the price. £1000 for a short ceremony that isn't even legal?! It's just mad! Could a member of your family or a friend do your ceremony? xxxx

Thank you for the replies and suggestions - got several things to work with now!

I'll discuss it with H2B when he's home from wherever he is tonight(!). I think that he would like the idea of a friend (and one in particular) to lead a ceremony.

In other news, we have our first appointment to view a venue. I already like it because of the price - £550 for 48 hours! Who'd have thought that budget wedding organising could be so much fun

We came across interfaith ceremonies while we were planning our wedding.

Hi

Did you manage to get your wedding ceremony sorted out? Where are you based? I am an Independent Celebrant, based in Liverpool, if that is of any help to you... http://www.liverpoolcelebrant.co.uk/#!weddings/c2rv

If not, no worries, I wish you both the very best. Enjoy the planning and of course the day itself - the time will fly!

Best wishes

Lorraine

PS: Are you sure the dog isn't interested? I used to tell ours everything when I was sorting out our wedding ? x

Independent celebrants create bespoke ceremonies for you and as you have found, we all have different fees.

You need to shop around, just as you did for your other wedding suppliers and then find the person you like at the price you are happy to pay.

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