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Beginner August 2021 Berkshire

Am i a bridezilla?

Maria, 5 April, 2021 at 22:24 Posted on Planning 0 4

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I have 4x bridesmaids. My two sisters, SIL and 'BFF'.

My sisters and SIL are amazing and are getting involved and we're having fun despite COVID restricting a lot of things we wanted to do. My BFF on the other hand. I asked her to organise the hen party, as she hadn't done anything yet and everyone else was already helping one way or another. She told me she was sorting it, even after a few of the guests messaged me to say they hadn't heard anything and wanted to plan something themselves and I relayed it to her and said she needed to tell me if she couldn't do it. In the end she ghosted me so I had to plan my own hen do last minute and I was gutted.
I haven't said anything but I'm getting upset. I asked her to come to the ceremony rehearsal the day before the wedding and to help set up the reception (I thought if she's not going to help with anything else she could at least do that). The rest of the wedding party have happily said they'd be there to get involved and help. It's four months away and she's already making excuses that work might not let her have one day off even with four months notice which I find hard to believe.

We've paid for her hair, makeup, dress, jewelry and invited her newest boyfriend who we've never met before (it's like £100 per head) and offered to put her up for the night before the wedding to save her money on accomodation to try and make it as easy for her as possible. I don't want anyone to feel pressured or expected people to revolve around my wedding but I feel so let down. It feels like she fakes being excited and then the second I ask her to get involved she either ignores me or all I get are short answers and excuses. What's the point agreeing to be a bridesmaid if you don't want to be involved at all.
If there was a reason she couldn't be involved then it'd be fine if she just told me but I'm not psychic and I don't think it's fair to accept being showered with bridesmaid gifts and then act snarky and aloof because it is hurtful. I have no idea what to do. Some advice would be great.

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4 replies

Latest activity by Ben, 7 May, 2021 at 13:27

Curious October 2021 Cambridgeshire
Amy · 6 April, 2021 at 08:45
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I think its hard to tell. It might be that you are being a bit full on for her, but also she may be preoccupied with other things- her new bf, covid stresses, work, health worries.
I'd maybe try and arrange to see her, face to face, for a really brave and upfront chat to find out if she's okay and what's going on. If you put it that your worried.about her, that she seems really flat and sad, don't make it about the wedding and see what's going on in her life. Sometimes we can get swept away in the excitement and expect everyone else to feel the same.
I hope you sort things out x
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Genius July 2020 Monmouthshire
RomanticGreenStationery27135 · 6 April, 2021 at 10:21
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If I were a bridesmaid, I would expect to have to attend a rehearsal the day before, so I'm surprised this is such an issue for her. And work 'might' not let her have the day off? Has she even asked? In her place, I would have been asking for the day off the moment I knew I was bridesmaid, so I'm not sure why 4 months away, she isn't sure.
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Savvy
HappyBrownCars12359 · 6 April, 2021 at 16:37
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It might just be she has very limited annual leave and is reluctant to use it for the rehearsal day if she wasn't expecting to originally (as not sure I would expect a rehearsal day tbh!) so she may feel it's easier to claim work won't allow it. I used to work weekends and have very limited annual leave so did have to fib a little to soften things with family and friends as one year I used half my annual leave just on family / friend visits here and there.
It is tricky, but I agree with the above to check in with her on how she's really doing, as there may be more going on under the surface. A friend of mine had this a little when her sister was organising her hen do and nothing seemed to be happening, then her sister ended up admitting to me she was struggling with depression and felt way out her depth with the hen do and in turn felt so overwhelmed with the thought of letting her sister down and needed help. So go in gentle and give her a chance, hope you get sorted x
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Beginner February 2022 Staffordshire
HappyPurpleDecor18768 · 6 April, 2021 at 20:06
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Yikes!
Do people really expect to be a bridesmaid and have no responsibility at all? Being bridesmaid is a privilege but it includes helping out with hen dos and setting up etc ... If she has issues she should be honest with you and let you know.
that's the least she can do after you've spent that much money on her.
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