Am I being a bridezilla?

Wow talk about awkward. I would just leave her to it, if she wants to be the odd one out then let her. It is hard when you have to take on board everyone's different styles and tastes but if I were a bm I would try to just go with what the bride wanted...within reason! I thought one mine was being awkward when I showed them all some shoes and asked what they thought she said she didn't like them...feel like telling her to choose and pay for her own shoes ?

She sounds like she's being awkward for the sake of it! If i was a bridesmaid, i would most definitely do as i was told, its the brides big day, not hers!

My sister actually had a slight bridesmaidzilla moment over the colour and style of the dress, but i just said to her, ' look, its my wedding, if you don't like it, i can always find someone else to be my bridesmaid, when you get married, you can call all the shots' ? .. and she sorted herself out and all is well.

you don't need the extra stress of a stroppy maid on top of everything else! Her hair colour, you can't really do much about, but the make up.. i would just let her do her own, or not wear any!

I thought I was just being over sensitive so needed someone elses opinions.

I have been a bridesmaid a couple of times and I've just agreed to everything the bride has got me to wear or shown me. I've always thought of my opinion as being last in line to hers. At the end of the day you get your chance to pick your own things so saying yes to something you might normally not wear / do for one day isn't really going to hurt you.

I really don't know what to do about her, she seems to think I am joking when I mention things like " Are you going to dye your hair back for the wedding "or " You'll have to check what the other bridesmaids are having their hair like"

It's really shocked me that she is being like this, she is normally one of the most laid back people, a few of my other friends have mentioned that she might be jealous ? Do you think that's possible? Are there any bridesmaids out there that have been jealous ? x

Is it really the end of the world is one of your bridesmaids is the odd one out? I feel it's rude to ask someone to change their hair colour for your wedding and dictate who styles their hair and does their make up. The dress- fine, dictate the dress if you're paying for it, but you can't expect everyone to be happy about it. It's her face and her hair, you don't really have the right to get mad at her for dying her hair. One of my bridesmaids has bright pink hair. My only thought is that I want her to stand up with me because I love her, and I want her to be herself, which means bright pink hair. The only thing that matters is you and your husband to be, so why get stressed over something so insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

So my answer would be yes, this does sound bridezilla-y. I'm sure other brides on here will disagree, but that's just my two cents.

Going by what she said about the dresses making even the size 8 girls look fat then yes that sounds like a touch of the green eyed monster to me...most issues with girls seem to always boil down to jealousy, in my experience anyway. I would just choose what you want them all to wear, consult them but let them know the decision is down to you ultimately.

I've been a bridesmaid before, and the only time I resented the bride was when I was treated like my feelings and opinions didn't matter at all. The best time was when I was allowed to choose my own dress (with bride approval, of course), and do my own hair and make-up.

I'm not suggesting to let go of the reins entirely, but it sounds like she's very uncomfortable. I suggest you talk to her about it and see if you can compromise. Sorry for posting twice, but I hadn't read your second post before.

I can kindof understand her being a bit funny about make up, only because I'm the same. But as far as dying her hair bright red and bitching about the choice of dress.....I'd tell her not to bother being a bridesmaid!!

As far as I'm concerned, if someone asks me to be a bridesmaid then I will wear whatever I am given and will not comment negatively on anything. It's the bride's big day and my ego shouldn't get in the way.

Is she one of your friends? If so, I would suggest she is not as good a friend as you once thought. Sit her down in a neutral environment, explain to her that you're getting quite upset by her negative comments and if she's not completely happy with the arrangements that are going ahead then you're more than happy for her to attend as a guest, rather than a bridesmaid.

I know that sounds quite harsh but this woman has dyed her hair bright red, knowing your choice of wedding colour and is openly bitching about your choice of bridesmaid dress. I think it's about time she heard back from you.

Good luck xxxx

I suppose a little background of information may have helped here.

She was a bridesmaid for another friend last year, got her hair done at the salon with the other girls and her make up. Wore a hideous bright pink meringue dress and we didn't hear 1 complaint from her. I know for a certain fact that isn't her style but why could she do it for her and not for me?

Her normal style is quite Vivienne Westwood-ish, don't get me wrong she utterly rocks it but asking for a tone down for one day isn't exactly asking the world of her ?

I have to agree with Venart about most things.

Although I think that on the dress front, she should suck it up!

I'm really not sure that you can ask one of your friends to change her hair colour, I know I would be offended by this. I also wouldn't be remotely bothered if one of my BM didsn't want her hair and make up done. If she wants to do her own hair and makeup, then fine, does she normally look ok when she gets herself ready to go out etc?

Not the end of the world, but a little strange! If you asked her to a BM and you know her style and personality, why ask her to change it?

My point is that I'm not asking her to change it indefinitely. My other friend text me without me even mentioning it saying she would tone her hair down for the wedding. I guess I just kinda see it as being courteous, I've bent over backwards for the bride when I've been bridesmaid even without them asking me.

Courteous to me would be, wearing a dress I don't like, being where you want me to be and when, helping you when you want me to, mingling with guests, etc, etc.

I just don't think it's fair to expect her to change her hair colour. If your other Bm wants to, then she probably feels that she would look better with toned down hair next to the dress. However if the one you are having problems with doesn't, then what are you going to do? I'm just not convinced it's worth potentially losing a good friend over the colour of her hair. Only my opinion though!

I am another one that agrees with Venart to a degree. I think that her hair and make up is really her choice and part of who she is and it isn't like she is asking you to pay for someone else to do it. I think in terms of the dress I would be telling her that everyone else is happy with it and really she needs to wear it if she wants to be a bridesmaid (esp if you are paying for it).

I think you need to sit down and have a talk with her and maybe try and come to a compromise but I defiantly wouldn't be changing my hair colour to fit in with someone elses wedding (but then i'm a brunette!)

Sorry, but I would probably resign as a bridesmaid on the spot if the bride asked me seriously to dye my hair for the day. I think that's outrageous. I'm not trying to be inflamatry - I really would be telling you to think about what you are asking.

On the dress, absolutely, she should fall in line and deal with it if she wants to be BM.

I'm an natural ginger( never had so much as highlights) and my EX friend asked me to dye my hair brown to fit in with the rest of the bridesmaids! Needless to say she got told to jog on and she hasnt talked to me since! no loss there!

I dont feel comfortable with other people doing my make up and so am doing my own for my sis and my wedding. i do think your being a little unfair over this.

she was out of order with the dresses but maybe she isnt a size 8 and feels bigger next to the size 8'rs and didnt want to sound like she was rocking the boat to much like she already did wiht her hair???

is this one of your friends your sister or partners cousin? maybe family dynamics are involved?

She's a friend. My family have been accepting of everything I've suggested

I'm wondering how much of this is actually about the colour of her hair or the style of the dress and how much is about some underlying issues/bad feelings between you? Don't let these matters escalate and get a good chat about things sooner rather than later. The wedding is one day, you want your friendship to be for life.

Well said Mrs D!

I honestly didn't think there was anything wrong between us until I started planning my wedding and she started being negative about all my choices and ideas. I've even spoken to my other friend , the three of us have been friends since we were 11 ( now 24 ) and she doesn't understand why she is disagreeing with everything I say either. It's not just the dresses and the make up, she's passed comment on my wedding dress, on my choice for the centrepieces, my flowers, and my choice of cars for the wedding.

I'd like to see how she would react to me if I was acting like this when she gets married

It really sounds like you need to speak to her, arrange to meet her for a coffee or lunch- something neutral. She might have some stuff going on that she hasn't shared, but also maybe it might just do you both some good?

Ahh, well if that's the case, you should still invite her along. She can do her own hair beforehand, and perhaps bring her make up with her and do it herself? Otherwise she can do it all before and just come to hang out and help out if needed.

This is NOT a good way to be feeling! Negativity breeds negativity so be the grown up friend and try and sort it out before bitter feelings take hold.

that changes things, that does sound a bit mean of her, but mabye you can change her mind slightly, not by dictating because it will get her back up but maybe tell her this tell her you asked her to be bridesmaid because you love her and want her to be involved in the whole day and run up....compromise by letting the hair color go but saying you really want her to be with her in the morning and you dont want to make her feel left out when all the rest of you are giggling about things you said and did earlier in the day??... guilt trip her by being silly nice to her and making it about her and she will soon come round to the idea x

You are asking her to be a bridesmaid but not be herself? Umm.. No thanks. You knew who she was, if you didn't want that in a bridesmaid, you shouldn't have asked. Sorry. Maybe she decided to 'tone down' for someone else's wedding. I'm pretty sure that was her choice and not the bride's. Maybe she found it so boring she decided not to do that again.

I must say I agree with most others on here. You are being a bit bridezilla. You asked her to be bridesmaid as she is your friend and you love her. You did not ask her to be a bridesmaid because of the way she looks.

They are your bridesmaids but they are separate people with individual personalities, letting peoples personalities shine through is what makes a wedding personal, making everyone be exactly as you want them makes a wedding boring and very same same.

I wouldn't ask her to change her hair colour, not only because it is asking her too change who she is but also because she will have to fork out for 2 trips to the salon to change it for you and then dye it back to the colour she likes.

The dress she will have to wear it or drop out.

Try not to sweat the small stuff nobody will be interested in her hair colour on the day of the wedding.

A bit bridezilla in some cases and in others not....

i think that her hair colour is her choice not yours...you should not tell her what colour her hair can be...

the make up and hair, fair enough you want them all the same but some people are very particular about their make up (i love LOADS of mascara and hate it when i have make overs as they tend to only put a few strokes on)...i wouldn't feel comfortable with less mascara on and having loads of pics taken!!

and then the part i don't think you are being bridezilla-ish about is the dress...i think your BM's should wear what you say if you are paying and everyone else is happy...i will be asking my BM's what they do and don't want in a dress (e.g strapless, tight, long, short, colours etc) at the very beginning...taking notes and if i pick a dress that i feel suits them and doesn't involve any of the things they said they didn't want then they are having it...i wouldn't want to upset anybody but i know that my style and all my bridesmaids have very different styles and it would be impossible to pick dresses that everyone loved!!

My cousin wears a lot of make up (eyeliner and dark lips) and i just jokingly said 'hey you best not be wearing that purple lipstick for my wedding!!' and she said 'oh don't worry il tone it down!!' if i didn't feel i could say something like this to my BM then i probably wouldn't have them as a BM!!

Good Luck!! try and remember its nice to see your BM's personality...its boring if they all look identical!! x

This. With bells on.

You asked what people thought and there's a significant proportion of us who think you can't change her hair. You can ask her nicely but if she refuses then there's nothing you can do about it. So your choices are love your friend for who she is and let her have her hair how she wants, OR ask her to step down as a BM because you want your BMs all to look the same.

You are coming across a little like there *are* other issues in this, despite you saying to the contrary, as Old Bear said your come-backs make it look like you feel she is doing this on purpose and if you have reason to think that, then you need to sit down and think why then have a chat with her. It's hard, dont' get me wrong, I have had to have a similar fraught conversation with my sister-bridesmaid but it's better than feeling bad and guessing, surely?

Hair colour - cant change.

hair & make up - has she said wy she doesnt want to have it done? if 1 of my BMs wanted to do their own hair and it would look nice, i would let them. its their hair (and would save me some pennies)

Dress....well i dont think i can comment coz all 3 of my BMs have different dresses coz they are very different people in shape size height personality. they would look stupid being in the same dress as one is a size 6 & one a size 16. wouldnt matter what style dress one wouldnt look right.

think you need to talk to her. if its jealousy..there aint much you can do about that. if its meanness...then you wouldnt want her as you BM. if (which often is the case with things) she just isnt thinking & you havent actually SAID whats on your mind....then this is easily resolved.

I think you are, and you aren't being a bit bridezilla - as others have said you can't expect her to change her hair colour, although it may have been a shock if she dyed it after agreeing to be your bridesmaid. But you have ever right to stand your ground on the dress. For those who only have 1 or 2 BMs it is not too difficult to let them have some input in what they wear - but with 6 bridesmaids you are never going to be able to please them all! Talk to your friend and tell her that you know the dress is not her style, but its what you have chosen and you really want her to be part of the bridal party - if she really objects to it then she will just have to come as a guest. I don't see a problem in letting her do her own hair and make-up, but explain that you'd like her to come along with the rest of you, and that while you love her normal style of make-up please could she tone it down for the day, as you don't want it to upstage your look. I do think that if she won't compromise at all then she isn't really a great friend, and should just come as a guest.

You say her style is kind of Vivienne Westwood, so even if she dyed her hair after you asked her to be a BM I can't see how that would have been much of a shock. I would imagine someone who has a VW style as someone who would dye their hair lots of wacky colours all the time, and red might be more of the tame colours she could have chosen! Just because one BM is willing to dye their hair a more natural colour doesn't mean you should expect everyone to. She clearly sounds like an individual and good for her.

My housemate, has piercing in different places on her face, dyes her hair pink or blue, and sometimes shaves half of it off, and I wouldn't dream of asking her to change. As I have family for BMs my housemate is going to be one of my witnesses. I wish she could be a BM but for such a small wedding I think four BM would be too many for me, but as a witness she is still involved. She will probably get ready and do all the stuff me and my BM will be doing in the morning - her dress is even similar to the BM but a bit more her style (I guess she is an honourary BM in a way!) Remember, even with red hair this girl is still your friend. If you wanted pliant, matching BM then this girl is clearly not the BM for you, but if you want your friends to enjoy your day, as themselves, then you need to loosen up.

I hope it all works out, but if it really is just down to her individual style and not some underlying issues, please don't loose a friend over this. There must be a reason you asked her to be BM in the first place - just try to remember what they were!

200 days is a long time in the scheme of hair colouring. If you drop the subject she may just change colours anyway by then,