Am I being stingy/unreasonable - hen weekend related

I wouldn't expect people to pay that much in the current climate but I guess it depends on the financial situation of your group of friends.

Tell her your budget and say you don't think you can afford it. I wonder if a few people say the same she may change her plans slightly it's better to have a few more people than go somewhere expensive and not have many people there surely?

Just be honest with her and tell her the position. i must admit i dont really understand the trend for hen/stag weekends/weeks.

It does seem a lot , is she aware you cant afford that much maybe if one of you speaks up the others will follow suit , just because they have high paid jobs doesnt mean they have spare money and maybe dont like to say

i would have a word with her and see what she says , can you not just go to the one at home ? assuming she will have 2

I think it's very unreasonable of her to expect people to pay that in the current climate. I appreciate that it's her hen weekend and it's horrible that she'll have to compromise but I doubt you're the only person who will think this.

You'll have to be honest with her and say that you simply can't make that work.

Also, I don't think a budget £500 for a whole weekend is unrealistic. I think it's very generous. I thought I was taking the mick with my hen weekend which was £200 for flights and hotels.

No, you're not being stingy but if you can't afford it you need to say that to her now - no recriminations, just 'I won't be able to afford to come if that's what you're doing'.

FWIW I didn't go abroad for my hen do, I had a night out with the girls, had a lady come to give us massages at my house before (cost about £30 each), a limo which everyone pitched in for, dinner and dancing - people could opt in and out of whatever bits they wanted. It was more important to me that people would come than what we did. However MrSC had a RedSeven stag weekend in Brighton - cost at least £200 per person before spending money - I think men are usually more willing to spend that kind of money though as everyone he invited went and seemed happy with it.

Likewise. I'm fed up of dropping several hundred quid on a weekend, which essentially boils down to the all important getting pissed in the evening. My sister had a hen night away from home as her friends were widely spread <snigger> but to be fair to her she actually paid for their hotel rooms as she was self aware enough to realise that not everyone could afford a weekend away. Sadly my new brother in law wasn't quite so decent leaving me £350 poorer for flights and hotels.

As Nick said, just be honest.

I am going on a Hen week next march to Egypt, three hundred and fifty pounds all inclusive. So yes, five hundred for a weekend is unreasonable, especially in the current economic climate.

Sounds expensive to me and I would choose not to go. She has to realise that not everyone has that amount of money (particularly if, as a couple, you get invited to both hen and stag - thats then £1300+spends!). I'd ask if she is having a local, evening do.

I think its fine if everyone is on a similar financial footing, but if not, its pretty thoughtless of the main person to suggest something expensive when others may/will feel uncomfortable at how to handle it. in my experience, trips like that are a bit of a waste of time because people get so pissed that you cant then do or see anything anyway, so you may as well do it at home. in fact the best stag night i ve ever been on was a night out in london which involved drinks, dinner, casino, strippers and hookers ?, there was no need to go anywhere.

Just tell her that yu can't afford. I'm sure she will appreciate your honesty! I was thinking of having a Hen weekend away but didn't want people to have to take time off work or spend any moeny as the wedding was abroad!

Thanks everyone for your replies. I am going around to see her tonight so will explain then. My husband cant take the time off work anyway so he wont be going to the stag do.

I had a night out locally for my hen do and it was fab. We had a lovely meal and I think we all spent about £70 in total. In my opinion, wherever you go you always end up pissed as a fart so you might as well do that locally.

I will speak to a couple of other people supposedly going and see what they think of the budget.

Thanks again.

Sam

I do see the "need" for weekends - when I had mine I was living in London and several of my close friends - including my sister and 2 other BMs - were living in various different cities (2-3 hours away by train), so a night wasn't really worth their trouble! I don't see the need though for full on weeks in a different country unless you're all loaded though.

No you're not. That's a huge amount to spend.

That reminds me - i ll always remember my stag night because i ordered chicken neck stuffed with veal, thinking that it would come in slices. it came as the whole neck, head attached, standing up proud on the plate like an old mans wizened boner* ?

*i ve not seen any old mens boners.

£350 sounds pretty steep for a hen do even though it's a week away.

I'm another one who doesn't understand the trend for ridiculously expensive stag/hen nights that are mini-holidays. And TBH unless all her friends are very well-off I think it's ridiculous of them to ask their friends to spend that amount of money. The combined amount is more than I earn in a month and have to pay for the mortgage, bills and food for myself and three children out of, so no I don't think you are being stingy or unreasonable.

I thought a stag/hen night was supposed to be about having a good night out with friends? All the hen nights I've ever been on have been the restaurant-bars/pubs-a club type and we've always all had a good time. I've managed to go out on a hen night and spend as little as £30 (all I could afford at the time) and have never spent more than £100 and have always had fun. Somtimes it seems like there is kind of a competition amongst brides and grooms to have the biggest/best/most exotic/most unusual hen/stag night and I really don't get it.

You could sweeten the news by offering to arrange something more locally for her as well - like an evening out for dinner and beer?

do you think? for a week? when we went out in manchester i spent more than that so on that basis, you can give me half, right away ?

Just to add. I had mine in Sheffield. My friends were based all over the country and this was the most central venue for all us, and also where most of us had met at uni.

Cost was the biggest issue for me. I arranged it as cheaply as possible - 2 nights B&B in a shared room cost £70 per person, dinner with drinks on the Saturday was about £25 per person. People were then able to choose if they wanted spa treatments or not. Club entry was £6. I think the whole thing came to less than £150 for most people for 2 nights out, which was pretty good.

? I dread to look at my bank statement and work out how much cash I ploughed through. I blame Jesus and her Bellini habit ?

Anyway, I meant that £350 is a lot to ask your mates to stump up just to celebrate the last of your days as a singleton. Plus they have to take time off work.

Just explain the situation. I had a hen week however the girls go away for a week every year so that year we all went as normal but it was for my hen week. Noone spent anymore than they usually would and we went out for a chinese when we got home for everyone. Im sure knowing that for both of you to go on the hen/stag weekends at a cost of about £1500 inc spending money, it's reasonable for you to say you can't go. I don't think you are being unreasonable at all.

You have to be honest.

I don't have a sister and only one female cousin (I'm also her only female relative) so when she got married, I felt awful not being able to go to her weekend in London. I can usually say no quite freely but I felt this was one I should go on. In the end, I saw sense that it would be too much phsyically and financially. Instead, I spent about £50 making her a 'pamper box' and sent it to the hotel (a Hilton no less ?) for her, which was appreciated. I understand it's difficult being MOH though.

I don't get hen weekends/huge nights out either to be honest, I had a fantastic night at my mum's house with women of all ages there and having a weekend/massive night out didn't occour to me. I didn't want people coming to have to pay out and figured out quite quickly for the money it would have cost to pay for a meal for x amount of people, I could have nicer food and more people at home. I appreciate that's not for everyone though.

I think it's well worth it - yes it does mean H and I won't get a holiday together next year (he's going on the stag week) but on a purely selfish level for both of us, we will both get a week basicly doing stuff we individually love to do - lying on a beach all day and diving for me - lads activities and lots of drinking for him!. All with a really great group of friends. Can't wait!

I'm fortunate in that my income means that if I want to spend a few hundred going away for a do then I can. But on the whole I still loathe hen weekends. A day/night out with pampering, drinks, dinner and dancing in my city I am absolutely up for. Potentially even a night away. But I do still resent spending a lot of money and giving up a whole weekend particularly if I have to take leave for it or if there is much travel involved. The only real exception would be is if I am good friends with not only the hen but most of the women going and we were doing something we all wanted to do. This may make me a grouch but so be it.

Oh and don't get me started on people who get married in far flung destinations and say smugly "but you can make a holiday out of it" - I'll choose my holiday destination thank you.

My sil says she wants to get married in Fiji, and uses those exact words. I just say " have a nice time ". i m bollocksed if i m going al the way to fiji to stand on the beach in the blazing sun and watch some pay-as-you-go vicar trot out the same old lines to yet another couple wearing white on a beach with a flower in the brides hair. balls to that.

if youre like minded individuals, with similar disposable incomes, then fab, have a week or a weekend away.

Not even your own?

Friends of ours got married on a beach in Cuba and all the guests went on a 2 week AI package holiday, organised by the B&G. It was going to cost us nearly £2500 just to go and they weren't even having a wedding meal. Did we go? Did we heck!

We went to their pretendy wedding reception in Liverpool instead. ?

Marry me, KN. That's made my bloody day ?

This kind of thing makes me so cross. It's totally unreasonable in my opinion to expect your friends not only to spunk hundreds of pounds on your hen weekend/week, but also to sacrifice precious holiday time for it. Lots of people attend 10+ weddings a year - by the time you've been to everyone's darn hen weekend you'd be flat broke and exhausted ? I'd decline the invitation and explain why.

My boner is far from wizened ?

Totally agree! I always decline such invitations. There's also this trend with my friends to have at least 4 or 5 "hen parties", so a week away, a spa day, a meal out, night at a club. It all gets a bit much!

WEES. I'm getting married next year and won't be asking people to shell out hundreds of £££ on a weekend away. Actually I'm loathe to have any sort of hen night so probably won't be doing anything, abroad or local ?

One of my friends was talking about getting married in Thailand and asked if I'd come if she did. I said yes, providing we had the money to afford it. She followed it up with 'And I want my hen do in Ibiza'. I was a bit stunned at that!