am I making a huge mistake?

YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!!

I promise you. There are relaxing, calm, peaceful times ahead. You will be so proud of yourself. Every step away from your old life is a step towards happiness, even if it doesn't always feel like that, just keep moving in the right direction.

I have been there. It is so hard. I went and got married, it took me on a downward spiral until I was only able to be negative about myself and then my resentment turned to a lot of anger. It's my past now. It took a lot of listening to friends to believe (i mean really believe) i was worth more.

You are, everyone is. A relationship should be two people who are better together, who are better individuals for what they share. Love can be hard but it is two sided. Always. Giving must come from both regularly (life means that's not everyday). Real love cannot be unreciprocated. A lack of basic respect is the trigger for all sorts of abuse.

and. don't worry about the wedding. picture how you'll be happy. get there.

I can't add much to the advice already given. But money isn't everything, and your worries about it will suddenly seem much more managable once you're in a better place emotionally and out of this relationship. Life is too short to waste it on the wrong person. Good luck.

GetTake a deep breath. You're starting a new life. Scary and also very exciting. Live your life x

I couldn't agree more. And it will happen xxx

And yup. 2 kids a very wayward body. i allowed a lot of his views to rule me, make me believe all sorts. but it was all his crap. his own twisted view that he was doing me a favour etc.

He still tries the crap (stuff about my life our children). but now he has no power i can see right through him. live well, be happy. do it for you.

So sorry to read this. If you have any doubts then it surely isn't the right thing for it to do. It goes without saying that marriage is a huge commitment and if you have any doubts then that is telling you something. Hope you can get it sorted and feel better soon xx

I'm not really in a position to offer advice never having been in your situation but I've been thinking of you a lot since yesterday. I hope you can find the strength to walk away. Somewhere out there someone much better is waiting for you. Hugs.

I can't say any more than the women who have been through this and can advise you from their experience. I hope you have the strength to follow their advice. Please update us as we all want the best for you and are thinking of you.

Hey hun, how are you doing today?

Like you and so many fellow hitchers I too was with a pathetic waste of air like your so called OH. I know you say you love him, but so do kidnap victims often end up loving their captors- it doesn't mean that it is worthwhile love.

He has quite clearly drained you of every iota of self belief and self worth.... It's time to claim it back kiddo!!!

You say he has been your only friend for the last 9 years..... Better to sack of one so called friend and find yourself a whole bevvy of new ones than keep on with the abusive life you are leading. I say life, that is wrong... He has done what my b@st@rd of an ex did and taken your life from you. Existence isn't enough- you are worthy of sooooo much more.

Just read the comments and see how many of us rid ourselves of the garbage bags and ended up with Louis Vuitton luggage!

You CAN do this and you MUST!

Go stay at your relatives and everything else can be sorted in due course.

Financial matters can be resolved, your wellbeing HAS to be top priority! You will probably be surprised at how quickly you manage to drop your shoulders, hold your chin up and find yourself smiling... And building confidence in yourself. Yes, you will possibly think you miss him for a while, but it's only missing the routine. Trust me.

Before long you will be able to tackle everything head on and look at yourself with pride.

Go girl.... Leave him.

We are all rooting for you xxxx

MWAH, your post made me shed a tear! I'd never want anyone to feel trapped like so many of us have been. My life is rainbows and unicorns now, compared to that crap. You're right, we're all rooting xx

Thanks Kentish. I'm sure OP knows deep down what she needs to do, it's just finding the courage. But boy, does it feel good once you make the move!!

Also, look how many of us have gone on to having babies since leaving the bad relationships. OP, you have plenty of time to sort your life out and become a Mummy when the time is right.... And you will make a fabulous Mum as you can only gain strength of mind and body having experienced what you have.

Good luck xxx

Popped back in to say that I hope you're doing ok OP.

You've done fantastically so far by speaking out about this. I really hope you're safe now.

Remember there's always OT for general chit-chat if you ever feel a bit lonely!!

I am sorry you are in such an awful place atm... but things can only get easier! The first hardest step is realizing what he is doing to you! Well done! From here it is all about being strong! Moving on! You can do this!!!! You deserve so so much better! xx