Am i reacting rationally?

Wow, I have no words! I don't understand the obeseeion with PK but this is really disrespectful and I am so sorry for you. As you say what can you do? Personally I would be having a chat to let them know how disappointed you are and work out what their plan is ref timing to make sure it doesn't clash with say your first dance etc. Try and be calm, the main thing is you and FH getting married and try not to let this impact your day

View quoted message Yeah I know, it’s barmy isn’t it! The bridesmaid said as long as BM does his speech first thing then it’ll be fine but they’re gonna miss everything, the timings don’t work at all. It’s just really frustrating and upsetting because they’re really good friends of ours and we feel really let down

That is mad! I mean I generally like Peter Kay, but it would never trump my best friends wedding!


Personally I’d be reconsidering whether you want them as Best Man and Bridesmaid or whether to downgrade them to regular guests and get some else to step up and be BM. Then you can focus on it being your day, not just sat watching the clock before those two leave.

View quoted message I am so sorry, I just don't understand how anyone ne would think this is ok, especially when they have big roles in your day. To put a comedian in front of your friends wedding is frankly ridiculous! I would remove them from the roles as they clearly don't feel the same as you about your friendship. Why should you change your day and timings to fit round them, it is selfish and as adults they should prioritise, not the end of the works if you can't go and see PK, friends are more important, IMO x

View quoted message Well I’d agree with you, it’s something I would never ever consider doing but unfortunately not everyone has the same ideals. I think we’re going to let the dust settle for a bit and see how it pans out organically and then go from there x

View quoted message It is mad isn’t it, I’m still in shock tbh. We haven’t sent save the dates out yet to all non-role guests so we might even have more people unable to attend due to the concert but we can’t blame them for not knowing. The friends in question knew exactly what date our wedding is on and chose to book tickets anyway x

I think you need a new best man and bridesmaid.

I've missed one-off events I really wanted to attend when I was a guest at a friend's wedding because I didn't want to let her down. That your supposed 'close friends' can't do the same when they are best man and bridesmaid is incredibly self-centred. I am so sorry xxx

View quoted message It’s honestly really upset us, we’ve got a lot of thinking to do xxx

That’s a different level! I mean they would be uninvited if I’m honest. I know it’s upsetting but that’s not a true friend. Peter Kay will probably release more dates considering how popular his return has been, so choose him over your wedding? Shocking….and I would tell her that too. Sorry, but the they’ve got a nerve!

Wow. I personally would get it out the way now and tell them, no hard feelings, but PK has clearly taken priority and by the time they leave to get seated and get back the wedding will be over or almost over. They’ll need to get changed as well, as who is going to go to an event like that in a bridesmaid dress and a suit? Strange for them both to think that was ok to do in my opinion. Tell them now and then you don’t have to stress about it. If they go funny about it all that’s their problem. Not yours. They put themselves in this position.

View quoted message Honestly the more I think about it the angrier I get. I just can’t believe they’d do that! FH seems to think they won’t actually go but I reckon they will. We’ve decided to wait until the dust settles and then tell them they won’t have a part to play in the wedding as we clearly can’t rely on them x

View quoted message Even if the timings do work I still think it’s absolutely mad to think that it would be okay to do, like our day isn’t important enough to miss Peter Kay over 🤣

Thats crazy! There are so many other dates to go see him as well, he released loads of shows. I would tell them definitely! Clearly they don't view your wedding day as important, and in my mind, I wouldn't say they were worth making a big part of your day!

View quoted message Totally agree with you on this!

Maybe you could invite Peter to the wedding!! Just kidding hun. Tbh that’s just awful xx

Thanks everyone for making me realise i'm not insane for being fuming about this! The longer time goes on, the angrier I get. We haven't heard from them since they told us, no apology or anything so I think they're thinking if they go radio silence we'll get over it and it'll all be okay but we have honestly never felt as let down xx

I’d be absolutely fuming and drop them from their important roles. It’s obviously not as important to them as it is to you. Shocking behaviour and I’d question my friendship with them too!

One of your bridesmaids is going to ditch your wedding part way through? That's not really the desired level of enthusiasm from someone you've asked to be involved in your wedding day.

Your wedding day happens once, they'll be replaying that Peter Kay special on ITV2 for years.

Yeah I'd be telling them they need to choose which to attend, and if they choose the show I'd be breaking off the friendship. I can't believe anyone would think that was ok even for one second.

In addition, even if a normal guest did this I would be furious let alone 2 members of the bridal party!! so you are definitely not over reacting

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So they've changed their tickets but i'm still really annoyed so i'm just letting myself calm down before i broach the topic with them. I just can't believe someone would do that, they also still haven't apologised which is really annoying!

Echoing everything else that's already been said here - I would be livid so you're feelings are absolutely valid! Weddings hardly ever run to exact timings so I really don't think they should be in the wedding party if they're planning on "popping out"

I think I'd approach it by saying to them something like this: "FH and I are really disappointed that you've booked PK tickets on our wedding day, we've taken some time to think about it and it's not in the heat of the moment that we're here saying to you that we're incredibly saddened by this and feel very hurt. We think it might be best if you take some time to think about whether you do still want to be in our wedding party and whether you feel genuinely able to take on these supportive roles for us. Of course, you're our friends and we'd love you to be a part of our day, and we chose you for these roles because you mean so much to us, but this situation makes us feel like perhaps we don't mean as much to you. Please have a think about what you want to do - whether that's being a fully present member of the wedding party, a guest who needs to leave early for other plans, or unfortunately decline to attend. Please let us know as soon as you can so that we can arrange for other friends to take on your roles if we need to if we need to."

It's been a year and I'm dying to know if your Bridesmaid and Best Man wised up and apologised! Any update?

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There's still been no apology from either of them, they did swap tickets so they could actually come to the wedding but never apologised. Due to other reasons though, Bridesmaid is no longer Bridesmaid and is in fact not coming to the wedding at all now, Best Man is just coming as a guest 😬

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Obvs I don't know all the reasons but it sounds like you're well shot of them! Anybody that would book tickets for another event and 'just pop out' of your wedding does not have your best interests at heart. I'd hope that anyone they relay that story to just looks at them in horror and eventually they might realise how rude and ridiculous their behaviour was.

Hopefully you have people around you that you can count on for your special day - not long to go now!

View quoted message Oh my goodness! A year since your post! That’s scary! I do hope you have the best wedding day! x

View quoted message I agree with this post! I would downgrade them to regular guests and promote someone else.


I know Peter Kay doesn't tour loads and he had some family issues which meant the previous your was cancelled but gosh, it's not worth missing your best friend's wedding over and ruining a friendship.
Hopefully in time you can fix the friendship