Hello!
im really looking for advice - and before you read any further please know I'm aware of how terrible and selfish and downright awful I'm about to sound, but it's really stressing me out!
as a bit of background.... Our guest list was initially 150 people, but when we considered logistics such as the cost and the venue we wanted we had to bring it down to 120. This is the absolute maximum we can have based on venue size and insurance, and it really stretches us financially to afford the day, but we agreed we would rather go without a holiday this year etc to have as many people with us on the day as possible. To bring the guest list down, the first thing we did was say no non family children - not ideal but we would rarely do that and have another 12 of our actual friends there! We called and explained to the couples who this affected and they were fine.
Now, one of my very good friends who I used to live with is invited. Her partner, for various reasons is not. He was not in the original 150. She text me this week to say she is pregnant! I'm so excited for her as she's been wanting to start a family for a while and she will be a lovely mummy, so spent ages chatting to her about it, and during the conversation it came out she's due 8 weeks before the wedding. I immediately said that of course I want her there but would completely understand if she felt she could be at the wedding because she couldn't leave the baby / was worried about being tired etc. she replied and said "cool, I'll decide when the baby is here and see if I can express, just let you know then."
heres the the awful selfish cow bit.... I really don't think she will be in a position to come, and I'm fully supportive of that - her new baby and her own well being will be so much more important, I spoke to my bridesmaid to has a 2 year old and she said that even if she delivered a bit early there is no way she would have left the baby that soon, nor would she have been able to get her baby to take a bottle that quick. I know every baby / pregnancy / new mother is different though. The thing is, I'd rather if she thinks she might not come that she say now - or at least sooner than 6 weeks to two days before the wedding! Leaving it to the last minute will mean we are unlikely to fill the space with someone else (ie from the 20 people left off the original list) as people will have plans and not necessarily have budgeted to attend a wedding with hotels etc, and if we ate able to bump people up the list eye would like to do it as early as possible so they feel as little of an afterthought as possible, and also we don't want to waste the money on paying for a guest who at the last minute doesn't come. Now of course we expect last minute drop outs but we appreciate that - if it's for something that a bit of foresight could have prevented though I'll be quite cross! God I sound awful. Please don't think me totally heartless, I'm genuinely delighted for her, and don't want her to feel pressured to come to the wedding when she isn't ready, there's just also a really practical side to it as well!
what would you do? Has anyone else been in this situation? X
