Am I wrong to be annoyed about this?

I think n the two issues possibly if your sister arranged this and told everyone it's a surprise and you have no idea about it then I can sort of understand why those not staying overnight would be loathe to 'spoil' the surprise by telling you. After all telling you they aren't staying over but doing the activities tells you there are activities and an overnight stay. And you're not supposed to know. So I sort of get that.

As for your motherinlaw yes I find that odd. As you say he and mother's partner aren't close, stag is his friends and dad and mother's partner is invited to the paint balling. If you want her to come nvite her oh or leave her to please herself. Your husband to be's decision I think. But don't let her bully you both.

Thanks for your reply. Just to clarify I've always known that there would be an overnight stay. The surprise is the location and what we will be doing.

Ah yes - I'd be a bit miffed if they'd not mentioned to me about the hen do too - but more odd is definitely the stag do part! My OH hasn't invited my dad to his, & I'd not expect him too either - I want him to have a day out with his mates & family & not to be worrying what my dad is thinking (my BIL is going but he'll be fine).

My friend had a shocker with her mum's partner - he actually turned up on her hen do & sat in the corner of the bar they were in watching her all night! Creepy.

My advice for the manipulative MIL is to simply say "What a shame, we'll miss you." Then change the subject.

Don't be bullied into having people you don't want.

Do you think maybe it's a misguided attempt at his mum trying to get them to have a good time together and therefore create a better relationship between them? I mean is confusing to work out why, especially if his dad is going, but maybe that's the other reason, maybe she wants to send someone to keep an eye on things? Has your OH talked to her about it? How does he feel, it might be worthwhile trying to find out why it's so important to her.

I don't think he would be the right choice to 'keep an eye on things'. They've only been together for a few years and he lives away so my OH and him don't know each other that well. I think a stag night is not the best time to have someone you're not that close to and who won't know anyone else. His mum makes little effort for them to spend time together any other time so feel like forcing this is unfair. My OH has said he can come to a bit of it now to avoid an argument but i'm still very annoyed that she would say it. Her reasoning was that she couldn't go out for day/evening to mine and leave him on his own? He's a grown man.

Lol it doesn't make sense, I was just trying to think of reasons why she might be doing it to try and help as it's a bit strange. People don't always tell you their real reasons behind decisions, especially if those reasons don't really make sense, I was trying to add some different opinions /ideas for erratic behaviour.

My OH's mum has said she will stay for the wedding ceremony and visit the reception venue, only if we sit her as far away from his father as possible which means we can't have them all on the top table. She's leaving as soon as the party starts and she insists that if OH's stepmum comes to my hen do, she won't. They've been separated a long time, long before OH and I got together, I know it all upsets him and it doesn't make an awful lot of sense to me but it's the way they act. It's not Ok for her to dictate who can sit where and be invited to what but I'm not sure she realises what she is asking or how ridiculous it sounds to us (or maybe she does but it means a lot to her) either way I don't want to fight with his mum so I'm trying to work around it, it's just a pain in the bum!

That is annoying, especially if they've been apart so long? My MIL implied that her ex-MIL told her who to have for bridesmaid etc and the implication was that she would not interfere which makes this so much more irritating.

Strange isn't it? Weddings make people weird!