An American getting married in England!

Hello and welcome

There aren't really any set rules it's all about what you want as a couple. BMs usually after but becoming more popular to walk before. Receiving line always was the norm but not always used now. Toastmaster I have never been to a wedding with one so I would say that's a matter of personal choice.

Hi Stacey,

I'm a bit useless and can't help, but I just wanted to say welcome & good luck !

xx

Hi Stacey,

Welcome to Hitched! What part of California are you from? San Diego is one of my favourite places in the world, I'm hoping to go back and visit within the next couple of years.

To answer your questions. As 3d said, there's no set rules. It is, after all, your day - you can have as much or as little tradition as you'd like. I think more people nowadays are shying away from the traditions and inject a lot of their own personality into the wedding which I think is great. Bridesmaids - I believe the UK tradition is to have them enter after the bride however me, and a lot of the ladies here, are having them enter beforehand. Toastmaster I don't think is necessary. I've been to two weddings where they've had one and ok, it does bring a sense of occasion but that's it, in my opinion. I've been to more weddings without a toastmaster. For my own wedding we're going to have one of the groom's brothers act as a sort of toastmaster. Receiving line - all the weddings I've been to bar one have had a receiving line, funnily enough the one without the receiving line was the wedding where the ceremony and reception were in different places. For my wedding we're having the ceremony and reception in different venues but we've decided against a receiving line as it's not something that we're really that bothered about.

Best of luck planning the wedding from abroad - there are a couple of us on here that have done or are doing that (LittleMiss4 and I being two examples) so keep hitting us with the questions!

Hi and welcome!

From my limited experience of American weddings (that would be, watching Four Weddings on tv!) I'd say the main differences are:

We have fewer bridesmaids, we don't have groomsmen (we have ushers though), and it's not necessary or even common to have matching numbers of men and women in the bridal party. On the same note, we don't traditionally have ringbearers - the best man keeps the rings, and any small boys are pageboys. The bride usually pays for all the bridesmaid dresses.

Whilst it's common for guests to have a glass of bubbly on arrival at the reception venue, or after the ceremony if all at one place, we don't have a formal "cocktail hour". Catering at this time may be non existent, or a few canapes at most.

I haven't been to a wedding with a receiving line for about 20yrs.

The bride may still toss her bouquet. We do not have grooms tossing the garter, and no-one here gets cake smeared on them!

Good luck with your planning - doesn't matter if you make it a US wedding in the UK - after all, incorporating your own traditions would be fitting, I think

Whats a receiving line?

and welcome! I wouldn't worry about mixing traditions, my dad re-married an american lady they did it in france! they mixed in everything! English French and American tradions

I had all of those at a wedding last month....(American bride and English groom......)

Peter

Hi Stacey! I'm in a similar situation, I'm a Canadian here in Kent marrying my English fiance.

I remember coming on here earlier in this year and being very confused about differing traditions, but everyone was great, saying that nothing really has to be done in any set way, etc. I was confused about the day/evening guest lists, and the concept of having an early ceremony and meal, followed by an evening party with more guests and even more food! In my experience, weddings always started in the evening, I'd never been to one earlier than 5pm, and some starting as late as 7!

Anyways, you'll find a good mix between the two cultures that will suit the two of you, but in the end it's not really all that different. As to your questions:

-bridesmaids enter either before or after the bride, though most weddings I've seen on ehre it was before, just like you'd see in the states

-receiving lines are seen as somewhat old fashioned anyways, and you can have them or not - up to you and your fiance

-a toast master is the same as an mc (master of ceremonies), but not all weddings have one. My uncle was the MC at both my brothers' weddings, but all he did was introduce the people who gave the speeches, told people when it was tiem to sit down for the meal, etc. Anyone could do these things (best man, perhaps?)

Oh, and barefoot beach bride said there's no formal cocktail hour, except that I've found that there is, it's just called the drinks reception and tends to take place after the ceremony. It was like this at my brothers' weddings in New York and Toronto anyways, though I've been to ones with cocktail hour before the ceremony as well.

Where abouts in Kent are you getting married? I've been longing for a venue twin for a while, so if you say Hever Castle I will be thrilled, though I know it's a long shot!

It happens directly before sitting down to eat or have speeches(These days it is getting more common to have these before the food) The main bridal party line up and welcome the guests in to the main room. SOmetimes it can include bridesmaids and best man, although is more often just the parents and the couple. Do be aware that theae receiving lines can take up to 30 minutes as people stop for a "brief" chat and congratulations(those brief moments all add up)

An MC or Toastmaster is something that I wouldn't ignore lightly. What they do appears to be very simplistic, although being in the trade, I know what other parts they do behind the scenes to ensure that the day runs smoothly.

Peter

I think all of your questions have already been answered, along with a few more helpful tips but just wanted to wish you luck in planning your wedding from abroad. I planned my Australian wedding from the UK, so I have plenty of experience if you need a hand!

Hi Stacey, congrats on the engagement, are you used to the English sense of humour yet? :p

Are you both religious?

If not consider something like a humanist ceremony, you can get married how and where you like, although the legal bit would need to be done in a registry office a few days before.

Regarding things like toastmasters, I would spend some time to begin with just working out what you priorities are, for instance if the quality of the wedding pictures are important to you both, it wouldn't be wise to get a toastmaster and sacrificing the photographer you really want.

As for traditions in a broader sense, not much seems set in stone these days. I,v seen bridesmaids go first, last, some go first as well as last. So it's all really up to you and your fiancé how you would like to do it.

Things like garter toss though, isn't that common over here, but if you want to, do it.

PS

Nice use of light on the avatar btw.

Hi Nicola, Thank you. I'm actually from San Diego So when you're here come say hi LOL

I think I obviously do want to incorporate a lot of the American traditions and English traditions. I also want to incorporate a lot of my Filipino traditions too. But I think it's a matter of balancing it all! After speaking to mum (to be) she's never heard of a sponsor before which shouldn't be a problem as a lot of my family doesn't look like will make it anyway

Have you guys heard of a money dance? It's basically the guests dancing up with the bride & groom, and pinning money to them so they can dance. I'm not exactly sure what the significance of it is, but it's also another way to get a bit more money from the wedding.

Are there any other traditions that you guys can think of that would be almost vital to an English wedding?

Thanks for the explanation Peter! I had to ask my mum (to be) too about receiving line as my photographer was asking if we would be having one. Ultimately I think we decided against it in the end.

As far the toastmaster is concerned, typically over here the DJ would announce the bride/groom in, etc. I guess that's not common over there?

Thanks again for all your help guys!

I think the English humour is right up my alley ;D LOL I'm not the typical uptight American, thankfully!

We are not a religious couple, however we do see being married in a church/chapel more of a traditional thing and would like to do so. However, I am divorced and I think being able to be married in a church would be a lot of jumping through hoops. So we gave up on the idea early in the race and just went with a civil wedding.

Thanks for the compliment about my avatar. See you're a photographer (I'm a wedding makeup artist ironically) ! Brilliant work

Ooooh, I'm half Filipino myself and I'm trying to think of ways to incorporate a Filipino tradition .... haven't had any thoughts yet but will let you know if I do think of them!

Fabulous! Thanks for explaining! I really appreciate that! My head is spinning with all this planning - what we want and don't wait to do! But it's been such a fun process I'm really having the time of my life planning it! The only requirement from my in-laws would be having an evening buffet (which was new to me!). But the more food the better for me! LOL

We are marrying at Lympne Castle on 20 June 2013 We did look at Hever, and went to Hever this past summer on my holiday there. It is GORGEOUS! So congratulations! We can be maternal twins as we're both getting married in a castle but not the same one! LOL

Lympne Castle looks gorgeous. I used to love the wild animal park nearby when I was a kid.

Tradition wise, as others say, it really is up to you.

We had bridesmaids first down the aisle and no receiving line.

I wouldn't recommend a money dance. Unless it holds a particular significance to your culture I'm afraid most people will think it extremely cheeky.

Yea, I don't want to offend anyone over there as most of our guests will be from his side. I suppose it's a no-brainer for me as I'm used to it in my culture. It represents the wish that good fortune is "rained" upon them, while also helping the couple financially as they begin their life together.

Are you going to have candle bearers and the like? I'm not having any of that but most of my cousins in the Philippines had that. AND the doves (which, again, I'm not having). I really wanted tinikling dancers but that was just on a whim, it'd look quite out of place and there's no room for anything decent!

I'm not that extreme into the Filipino wedding culture. If I was then the wedding would be 3 days... too much! LOL I think it would solely depend on who can make it from my side - talking about sponsors. I would honestly have to talk to my mom about how that would work out. Doves, no, that's just an added expense I don't need. And dancers, no, even though that would be amazing!

I was thinking, however, of dancing for my fiance as I used to hula (and other dances) when I was younger. I've seen some of my American friends do it, but obviously haven't heard of anyone over there.

You should join our 2013 wedding group - lovely bunch of ladies and venart is over there (and a couple of other Candians)

https://www.facebook.com/groups/341383759207388/

I am jealous of your tog.......I was there earlier this year on St Valentines Day for a lovely wedding (some shots are on front page of website) Fantastic venue with good photo opportunities and a nice staff. The registrars that service this venue are really ok too.?

Peter

Hello and welcome to hitched.

I have to say most of e thins you describe woud seem ok at a British wedding, except the money dance, unless most of your guests are of the culture where that is the norm then I feel that it would be cheeky to have it. People will give you money anyway as gifts in a card but I personally would feel very uncomfortable with the other guest knowing how much I had given a couple. Bei a guest at a weddi is expensive enough and I'm concerned that you see the need to "get as much money as you can" from the wedding?!

If the money dance is a part of your culture, I would do it, but perhaps have a certain amount of money prepared for your wedding party to give to a few guests to pin to you, and then others can give their own money if they choose to. That would be less cheeky, but I would find it a really interesting tradition to see/take part in. My sister married a persian man and they had such interesting traditions, and one was all the single ladies took turns dancing with the cake-cutter, keeping it away from the groom, and he had to give us all money to try to get it off us. We didn't keep the money, though, it was just a bit of fun.

And Lympne Castle is beautiful! We had briefly considered it, but we only live a half hour from Hever, so it won out

Ant and I are getting married only a couple days after you as well! Do think about joining the facebook group, there's load of us on there, and it's a veritable treasure trove of photos and differing opinions and ideas.

I'm completely fulfilled the greedy American stereotype there, didn't I? Misworded that and it bites me in the ass. To the opposite, I'm merely coming from a cultural/traditional POV as I'm used to having it at every wedding. But I see the point that because 1) it's in England and 2) most of our guests will not be from my culture, it probably would look a bit cheeky to have the money dance at our wedding.

Just joined and approved Can't wait to be apart of the action.

Precisely.Over the years I have shot this many times...mainly Greek, although occasionally others too.

I think it's more on a traditional/cultural standpoint. The only problem I would have with it (especially having it in England) is we are already asking for monetary donations in lieu of gifts. So this might be seen as over board? But then again, I've been to plenty of weddings that have asked for money instead of gifts with the money dance... but then again they've all been Filipino weddings.

I'll have a think about it and speak to my in-laws too to see what they think of it. We're still undecided about sponsors.

Sponsors??? Do you mean you don't know who is paying for the wedding?

Going back to the receiving line debate, I was recently completely put off having one by a girl I met who got married last year. The problem with the receiving line is that everyone (male and female) feels the need to kiss the bride (the groom gets away with just the ladies kissing him!). Firstly, she had to have her make up re-done because her makeup had been rubbed off and she felt that she had to go and wash off 100 people's saliva from her cheeks! About 5 guests at her wedding had stinking colds so guess what - she came down with a dreadful cold the day after her wedding which partly ruined her honeymoon! After I was told this, they just seem really unhygienic to me - bleugh!

Welcome Stacey!

I am from the States as well, but have lived here 11 years now. Weddings should definitely reflect your personality and I think if you include any elements that are special to you, they will be enjoyed by the guests. I have seen all sorts of interesting traditions from other cultures, and they are always widely enjoyed by all. I hope you do a groom's cake, lol. I don't see many of those over here. Enjoy the planning, and if you are going to make the UK your home, I can direct you to some great online support forums for expats

All the best!

Teri