Anxiety!

Im the opposit lol planning is keeping me sane and giving me something to focus on but I had a full blown panic attack at the proposal... crying, chest pain, the full works ☹️

Hi hun, I get really anxious too sometimes and the though of being the centre of attention is really scary!

You need to break your tasks down into manageable chunks.

Dress shopping, for example, can be broken down into the following:

• Set a budget
• Research styles you like
• Look at local bridal salons
• Email them (if possible) to ask if you can book an appointment during a quieter time. Explain your anxiety.
• When you go, don't feel pressured to take anyone. You are allowed to go by yourself if that is what you want. You can always take someone once you have decided.

I've really found that making lists has helped because it gives me lots of small, achievable goals rather than "oh sh*t I have to do all this stuff?!"

Make sure to rely on your h2b as much as possible, and remember that the Bride doesn't traditionally make a speech so you should be ok there

yep thats what I do... things are so nice and calm in lists, I know have a computer full of lists of everything you could ever think of lol

My OH has been brilliant and put a program on my iPad which we can both access from our computers and phones etc. and edit... he made a spreadsheet with all different tabs and documents for guest list, flowers, catering, budget.. so helpful!

Not normally a list person, but it really does help with something like this.

I'd hate to go wedding dress shopping alone, and there is a friend of mine who offered to go with me. I hope the experience can be made fuss free, because I'm the sort of person who doesn't normally try clothes on when I buy them, I hate changing in shops and just hope for the best when I try them on at home! I truly hope I don't have to try on millions to find what I want! I keep looking online for styles I like but I think I just need to bite the bullet and get on with it and go to an actual shop. D:

Can you tailor your wedding to make it less stressful for yourself? Could you have a small and intimate ceremony and no speeches/first dance for example?

The planning tools on the hitched website might be a good place to start to get the basics down in a list which you can then add/remove things according to how you want your day to be.

Yes, we are planning for quite a relaxed wedding compared to the usual traditions. It's going to be quite small and not very fancy. Was planning on no speeches , unless the best man wants to do a quick one, but as we are being helped out by a lot of people for different things (e.g friend making cake, friend's mum may help with flowers as she used to be a florist, friends making invitations) I feel like I should probably do a thank you speech but I'd really rather not. Hate to sound ungrateful.. I'd prefer to thank in person, maybe get thank you gifts etc. My fiance is not anxious like me but is very reserved, we've been together 6 and a half years nearly and I have never seen him dance!! There is a song we want to have a 'first dance' to but we don't want to be dancing on our own for it - we want the guests to come and dance as well. Might have to give a few friend couples some serious instructions lol.

The bit that I find the most stressful is the back and forth of emails, getting quotes, trying to find information. Luckily the really big one, the venue I guess, fell into place quite easily and quickly

choosing a photographer is going to be the biggest decision I have to make I think!

I completely understand how you feel. I suffer in general with anxiety and in all honesty would have just eloped with my partner to get married if I could have to save all the stress but decided not to. Just do what you can & talk over your worries / stresses with people close to you, I'm lucky my mum has been so fantastic with me and my bridesmaid. It's your day so do it your way and ask for help. It's also so good to have these boards for help! At this minute in time I feel like I'm going to be the only one stressing on the wedding day and that I'm not going to enjoy it as hate the attention & will be more concerned that everyone else is having a good time but in all honesty I bet we have a fantastic day.

Any time you feel it's getting to you just come on here ?

I know totally how you feel. I find it all quite stressful too. I've started taking Kalms and I don't know if it's the placebo effect or if they do actually work but I feel so much better since taking them! Now I've got nearer to the wedding I have found that that sorting as much out as I could early on has paid off as I can now relax a bit in the build up and try not to think about the grand entrance too much!!

I didn't have to worry about planning my wedding as we had a planner but I did organise the UK party and it is not as tough as it first seems. I would book dress shopping in pretty soon. The dresses take around 6 months to arrive at the shop and it's the most enjoyable part so take your time! When you go only take who you really want there, set a budget and wear good pants! With caterers I would start by looking at any suggested by the venue and ask for sample menus so you can decide what sort of food you both want. Then arrange a tasting and they will do the rest! We found our venue worked with our caterers etc for delivery etc so we didn't have to worry at all. We had a very intimate Wedding so I can't advise from personal experience but the advice I have always been given is make sure you take a few minutes just for you and your hubby between vows and the reception to just enjoy being in each other's company. I didn't see my hubby at the UK party except for photos as we were mingling so much so I can see now how that advice would come in handy if that had been our wedding day

With regards to the first dance etc ask you do to call everyone up before you and then you go up. We skipped a first dance all together as my oh gets really stressed with loads of people watching, and don't do speeches unless you want to. I thanked everyone eg bridesmaids etc before and we will be doing thank you cards once they arrive

I suffer from general anxiety and really struggled in the last 6 months before my wedding a couple of weeks ago, so I know exactly how you're feeling!

As others have said, break it down into manageable chunks and give yourself one big task to sort each month and just focus on that. Alternatively, have a flurry of activity for a month and then give yourself the next month off wedding planning completely to make sure you're having regular breaks to stop it from becoming overwhelming?

I hate being the centre of attention yet somehow ended up having around 80 day guests and 120 at night - I think I planned the whole wedding without thinking that it was me that would have to do it! So I was pretty wound up by about a month before. A couple of things I did that really helped - firstly, don't be afraid to tell people! 'Coming clean' about my worries to my in-laws in particular really helped and they were so supportive, in fact, from then on I confided in as many people as possible - the registrar, suppliers, the venue, other guests - it really helped to know that people were aware and I also got some lovely advice and words of support, you'll be surprised how many people feel the same but never say.

Also try and pinpoint the 'worst' parts of the day for your anxiety and do what you can to make them comfortable. I counted the steps from the door to the end of the aisle (only 19!) which made it much more manageable and spent the week before comparing what a short distance it was in comparison to other places I walk to without a moment's thought, which helped make it less scary! We also sat down for the ceremony so I didn't have to worry about fainting or shaking - I was worried it would look weird, but nobody seemed to bat an eyelid and it actually helped to make it feel less formal. For the first dance we asked the band to announce that we wanted everyone to join us immediately, and tipped a few people off to lead the pack, so that takes the pressure off that moment.

Good luck. anxiety is a horrible thing but don't let it stop you from having the wedding you want and enjoying it too!

Ah I could have written this post myself. Thank you for writing it. And thank you to thise who have responded; there's some great advice here I've been dreading the wedding more every day that passes. I wanted us to elope and he is desperate for his big white wedding. The original agreement was that we could have his wedding if he organised everything. He has been doing great but as it gets closer I'm just thinking the whole wedding part of it is really not what I want at all. Why do you have to make such a fuss?! He doesn't see this at all of course. I'm sure it will be a wonderful day. It's just making me very anxious.

I'm going to take these tips and put them in place, particularly in terms of breaking everything down. Hitchers are the best!