Anxiety about the big day

It is not an uncommon issue, how many grooms do you see on here for example.

How about giving him a task that he may be able to get into like exploring photographers, suits, car , band,DJ. I get so many grooms that say that they were the one that researched and found me.

Maybe he feels like he’s not involved in the planning/ doesn’t know if you’d want him to be? I’d ask him if there’s anything he wants to do/ have for the day and see whether that makes him feel like he’s been part of it and it’s his day too

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Ive given him things that he only decides on.

He had the say on the venue, suits and i asked him to liaise with photographer as he is a photographer too and knows what he wants. Its just the reception meeting, the decor , the deciding of the drinks, the food etc, the theme, music etc, that i could do with a second opinion but he doesnt seem fussed. I ask him his opinion on everything and i get bare minimum lol

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True, hes had the say on venue, suits and photographer, but its all the nitty gritty stuff that i find stressful that i could use input with that hes not bother about

View quoted message Ah gosh, seems like you’ve done everything you can to make him feel involved. I wonder if it’s something else that’s bothering him, maybe he’s worried about something else like family that will affect the day? It’s a tough situation for you, I hope it gets a little easier 💗

View quoted message Well he’s given up smoking and changing jobs so a lot on his mind but even 6 months ago he wasn’t fussed. Thankyou me too maybe closer we get the more involved he will want to be x

My FH isn't as excited about all the details as I am - to be honest, weddings are often "the brides day"! We chose the venue together, and talked about the kind of vibe we wanted, but with most other things I've led the way. I've been showing him whittled down options to get his opinion on, as he actually finds the researching really stressful (and I find it fun!), and this is working really well for us as he feels involved but not too overwhelmed. The money side of it stresses him out a bit, as the more ideas I have his brain just equates that to another cost which prevents him from getting so excited, so that might be the same for your FH. I've been getting my mum more involved, and sometimes MOH/bridesmaids too, if it's anything detailed and 'girly' that I want to talk for hours and hours on haha

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Im so glad im not the only one, sometimes i think 'do you even want to get married' but if its a well known thing for guys to not be as interested in the finer details as us girls then its a relief.

I speak to him about flowers and he just looks at me with a blank expression and i can see hes not listening but i still want his in put , maybe the smaller detail i should just do myself

Thankyou for your response

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Oh yeah flowers is a big disinterested one! I've taken to saving photos on Pintrest and then being like "which ones do you like and which ones do you hate?"

Hi lovely,
I think it must be a Man thing! Lol although Women can be like it too. I'm engaged and we haven't set a date yet but my other half isn't in a rush and not too fussed in looking at Venues etc.. He would say well this is your area as you are a wedding planner, but I personally think it's nice that at least you both look at the big parts of the day, i.e picking right Venue, decided on catering, ceremony etc.. then leave the rest for you. it's hard if somebody doesn't have much interest in this field... maybe negotiate that with him to come with you and decide on Venues together and you can do the rest.
If you do need any assistance, please feel free to message me. It can be hard if you have a lot to do yourself. You want to try and enjoy these stages too and not get stressed out. X❤

Definitely not alone. My partner and I had a big row the other day when I just lost it! I was sick of re-explaining things like the kids not staying in our cottage... why?! Maybe because it's our wedding night!!! And just blew up at him saying I need just the smallest amount of support, not sarcasm, not jokes, not exasperation, like an adult has to do in so many life situations. Ive put a lot of effort into this and it would be nice even I he just feigned interest. Anyway, he started it all 🤭 OK, still a bit cross about it. But he did apologise once he realised how much it is clearly affecting me now (4 weeks to go) I hope your partner realises sooner it takes very little to make it easy for u and equally little to make it a nightmare. Good luck

My partner is the same, but he's the most blunt person I've ever met and he sat me down after we set a date and literally said "im going to say something and you might not like it, but I love you and want to marry you more than anything, but the wedding part is all on you, I am not interested in the planning or the details, you have whatever you want but don't take my disinterest as im not exciting about marrying you but I just don't care about the details" 😂😂


Even to the point he asked if he could send a delegate to choose a venue with me 😂 im not upset though, it's just most men for you x

My partner is similar to an extent, in that it was easy to engage him on the big stuff (venue, band - and the fun stuff like food) but he has no interest in the details. Or so he says - if I suggest something he doesn’t like then he has an opinion!

My solution for the “smaller” things has been to whittle the options to a few that I like, then present them to him for his opinion - I get something I like, and so does he to a point! Sometimes the huge range of options and choices is overwhelming, and it may be its all a bit much for him with everything else going on, so perhaps whittling down to a handful of options you can get his opinion on might be a way of engaging him. Sometimes people struggle to make a decision out of perfectionism/fear of getting it wrong - not saying that’s your fiancé, but it may be quite overwhelming, esp if he feels you’re particularly keen on it and he doesn’t want to disappoint you

View quoted message I’m glad mines not the only one 🙈 I would have preferred if mine did that tbh so I knew where I stood but it does appear to be very much a man thing tbh x

We're getting married in July this year and YES YES YES I know exactly what you mean it definitely takes the fun out of it I just want ut over

Heya,
I am getting married in 2 months and my fiance is still asking me the name of the venue so this is totally fine and realistically speaking I think I want him to help but I am too much of a control freak to allow it anyway! lol

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Aww thankyou so much. I literally have spreadsheets and plans on how much needs to be paid each month to which supplier and then the balance after, but i swear it all goes over his head lol

Hes been great with the big stuff just the smaller stuff i get the blank expression

x

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HI Claire

A part of me just wants it over too lol im looking forward to the big day but i do agree sometimes it can leave me a little disheartened when he doesnt seem that interested

x

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See i think im ignoring this about myself , that i mean realistically i would no way let him have full control, im a control freak , perfectionist and everything has to be signed and sealed asap to secure it, where as hes laid back.

Im glad we are in the same boat

x

View quoted message Aaarh bless you. Yes just keep super organised and maybe just mention to him or ask him if there is anything at all he would like to know about or get involved with (the small things) if there is nothing then I would carry on but have some help and support on side, from friends, family, a planner. Even if it's for a second opinion as it can get a bit much sometimes for some people and you may feel stuck on certain things. Hope that helps and here to help.
Xx

View quoted message Yes that's true mine decides to give input after not being interested but usually for something negative lol no win thankfully I've got an amazing little sister/wedding planner I hope yours take an interest soon bless ya and I'm sure we'll both have amazing days as well 😁 x

Hi
My partner has been like this and has only been involved in the major decisions and I have found a friend that has helped me with the planning side and that's made it more enjoyable. Do you have a friend you can get to help you plan it?

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HI Jacqui

Indeed i have my bridesmaid who im planning alot of it with which is great, so im bouncing most of the 'girly ideas' of her and asking her opinions on things etc which is good

x

View quoted message Yeah that's the best thing is having someone girly to do it with men never are interested in planning lol x