Anxious Groom-to-be??

Hi

Welcome and Congratulations!

My OH is quite shy so we have decided not to have any speeches at the wedding. I may stand up and do a few thank yous, see how we go as Im not a huge fan of it either lol.

There are plenty of affordable options out there for a small low key wedding that doesn't have to mean a registry office if that's what you don't want. Do some research into local venues and Im sure something perfect will pop up for you.

Good luck with the planning.

Firstly congratulations!!

Personally I would browse through a few venue ideas together. Arrange a visit to a few different venues and see what you think of them as well as a registry office. There are lots of lovely smaller venues so a wedding in a hotel doesn't have to have 150 guests but he might be assuming they do. There is a speech section on hitched and lots of tip websites so may be worth him having a look at those. Personally I wouldn't worry about the speech just yet. The more he thinks about it the more nervous he may become

I think if you look around venues in your local area you will find that there will (hopefully) be some that you would both be happy with. A small, intimate venue doesn't have to mean a registry office if that's not what you want.

In terms of speeches, we went to a wedding recently where the bride and groom did a joint speech. It actually ended up being more the bride, with the groom doing more of the standard "thank you"s, but it worked well. Could this be an option?

Yes, make it clear to him that a small wedding doesn't have to be in a registry office! All these things are apparently REALLY not obvious to a lot of guys, they just have loads of scary images in their heads and never checked whether they're actually right... ? Just try to talk casually, keep it like 'daydreaming' rather than actual serious planning at first, and let him tell you what exactly he would like and what not.

As for the speeches, I've seen lots of people on here do them differently from the tradition for whatever reason. I don't think anyone would have a problem with it if you did the speech, or neither of you, or both together, or anything you can come up with that works for him! At a wedding I went to recently the bride and groom gave a kind of joint speech, so if he gets stuck you could jump in and take over for a bit. Some people have also suggested before to record it on video so he doesn't have to do it right there (although I'd hate to see myself on video more than doing a speech, haha!).

Good luck and enjoy your engagement! I'm sure he'll start to enjoy the process as well once he's out of the initial shock of realising that a proposal comes with some planning as well... ?

It's probably a good idea to sit down together and figure out what it is you like about your respective ideas, and what worries you about the others to try and identify what is actually important. So it could be that you don't want something impersonal but like the idea of having everything in the same place, he might want a really intimate ceremony but wants a really fun party afterwards. I'm sure there will be options out there that have a good mix of what you both want!

For example we are having about 50 guests in a vineyard - it is a really flexible venue so we could have had a tiny ceremony and big marquee after, but we've gone for all guests all day.

My OH is also very anxious, particularly about vows, speeches and first dance. I have said we don't have to write our own vows can just say the basics required by our humanist, I originally said no first dance but we probably will have one and ask the bridal party to join in after 30 seconds, and we're going to do a brief joint speech.

The wedding is about you two and you should do whatever compromise between you that will keep you both happy and mean you'll both have a great day (regardless of what anyone else thinks!) other things that helped with my fiancé were picking bits of the wedding he was interested in (the food and honeymoon lol) and starting wedding chat with that and so far it has gradually expanded and he shows interest in things I wouldn't have expected. He will still often say 'you choose' though like when I bombard him with 4 potential invite designs!

Let yourselves enjoy being engaged for a couple of months. its a really lovely time, and you won't want to look back on it as being stressful. i understand how exciting it all is (i was the same), but in hindsight, it would have been lovely to bask a little in the engagement.

My H2B is chronically shy so we have decided to do a joint speech with Miss Confident here doing the majority. He is also anxious about EVERYTHING but wants a big, big wedding...I see troubles ahead!

My Oh is the same - doesn't like to be centre of attention, can't stand public speaking, doesn't want first dance, etc.

I suggested we did registry office just us, parents and siblings and surprisingly he turned it down. While he's not a fan of the big party idea, he knew he'd regret it if we didn't have all family and (close) friends there.

In the end, we've gone for 50-60 people in the day, maybe 10-20 extra in the evening. He's going to do a brief speech (maybe with me helping) and then leave to my Dad and the best man to make everyone laugh. First dance is probably going to happen, but he'll shuffle off once it's over and I'll keep the dancefloor entertained while he mingles.

Maybe this is something you can relate your OH to - yes, you can go small, but will he regret it later on? Also, traditions schmaditions; as long as you get married, the rest of it is up to you

PS. welcome and congratulations!