Any advice from brides that have lost their mum

Hi sheepareevil,

My situation isn't exactly like yours, but I'm also a bride who will be marrying without her mother there.

My mum took her own life when I was only 4. My dad brought us up, but I only found out the truth of why I had no mum a few years ago. I have three sisters, but none of us blame her. One of my older sisters got married first and we all found it difficult. We supported each other, and when it came to walking down the isle, my sister had a charm made with a photo of our mum in, and this was tied around the bouquet so she would be with us in some way. My sister is giving me the same charm to tie around my bouquet.

During the speeches, a toast was also made to her, and it was beautiful.

The last song I've requested off the DJ is a song from my mums favorite movie.

This one might be unusual, but me and my sisters always used to see a single robin around when we went to my mums grave or spoke of her. One appeared on my sisters wedding day, and even though there's probably nothing in it, seeing that robin as a symbol that our mum had come to give her blessing also helped.

The fact is, coping with things like dress shopping and on the day is hard when you wish your mother could be there too, but I find it's best to accept that, and find your own way to see that she is still there with you. Maybe you could also make a charm to keep with you, or another idea, if you have a piece of your mums jewelry, wear that?

I'm pretty sure that my mother would have wanted me to be happy, so even though I've gone through so many times in my life when I've needed her, I've learnt to stay strong and keep smiling... and on my wedding day, I will continue to smile, but with a nod in her direction in respect to her memory.

I hope these ideas will help you. ❤️

Similarly I lost my mum when I we 8 (20 yrs ago) dress shopping was hard but I have tried to include my OH's mum and sister but it is never the same.

The hardest bit I feel is not having her here to share my thoughts, ideas and excitement. Seeing how involved my best friends mum (who is getting married 6 weeks before me) is breaks my heart a little.

But I have had a candle made, with a nice poem and personalised and will have a framed photo next to it and a sign that says - we know you would be here today if heaven wasn't so far away.

It will never be easy we will just have to do the best without them.

I'm quite similar, I know it might be a bit different but I lost my dad nearly 2 years ago and he was my best friend.

I know you share more with your mum with these things but it's going to be tough without him too.

I have no experience apart from stay as strong as you can, It will be a lovely day and your mum will be with you. I wanted to do something to honour my dad but I know it's tough still for his sister to come to terms with him not being here so I'm thinking of just leaving it.

I think for things like dress shopping do as much as you can to make a day of it with close friends, go for a meal and a few drinks after and just try to surround yourself with happiness x

I still have a version of my mum, but her illness has left her without speech, ability to swallow and she's more or less paralysed, and I live 100 miles away from her, so planning our wedding was tough for me too.

I would say, you have to turn to who can help you and make the most of sources of support, whether that be friends or other family members. My best mate was crap but my dad was a god send (most of the time!)

You will still miss her on the day but trust me you'll be overwhelmed with happiness too, and would your mum want you to be upset? I expect not, so try to stay strong in her memory.

HI,

I am also a bride who will be getting married without my mum there. Its really hard and i have really missed her through all the prep ( she would have helped so much)

I have a picture of her on my flowers so she will be walking me down the aisle. I took my future MIL dress shopping and she is brilliant, i really appreciated her support.

I will try to just enjoy my day and know she will be looking down smiling at me

I lost my mum two months after getting engaged. I thought I would struggle but tbh the biggest thing I have was the look of absolute joy in my mums face when we told her we were getting married. I will always treasure that and knowing how happy she was for us. Yes it was hard sometimes as I would have loved for mum to have been there but I can't change it and for me I know how much she wanted me to be happy and how she would not be happy if we'd let her not being there spoil our plans and our day.

OHs mum died 11 years ago, so neither mum was with us, but we all say they were smiling on us and sent us the glorious weather we had and mentioned them briefly but with love in the speeches. I had a private weep on the morning of my wedding, but other than that we got on with having the most wonderful day filled with love, laughter and yes a few tears. But it is OK to enjoy your wedding.

I too was worried about my dad as he is still very much grieving, mum died in Nov 2013, and I thought he would struggle too. He did at times but actually did us proud and had a really good time in the end, even though he had thought at one stage he wouldn't come as he would be too sad.

so while it is hard, your mums would only ever want you to be happy and to enjoy your wedding as the happy occasion it's meant to be. By all means miss your mum, but allow yourself to enjoy planning your wedding. Think about what your mum would like and the smiles she would have if she was there.

hth

x