any skeptics/humanists out there?

Forgot to say we are having a humanist ceremony. In England, so we have to do the legal bit the day before, but on the wedding day itself pretty much the sky is the limit with the wedding ceremony.

Ha! Much as I adore Tim, I don't think I could have that at my wedding. But, if it's totally you, then go for it! We're not having readings etc, we decided we just wanted to get married! When we got engaged my mum said there's no point asking you if it'll be a church wedding, you've been dead set against that since you were 7yrs old. Hotel it is for us :-) In my travels around the hitched discussions there have been some lovely readings, if I had seen some of them before we completed our form I may have had a reading after all, so hopefully the lovely ladies of hitched can help there! Remember, it's your wedding, do what you want to do, but do be respectful of family too

I'm assuming you are have considered an Independent celebrant to perform your ceremony. They should be able to help you write the ceremony to reflect your beliefs and may have examples of readings for you. Have you looked on the British humanist website? They have a book you can purchase which has readings and poems suitable for a non religious wedding.

it's difficult appeasing all of your guests so you have to go with your own requirements, but if you are concerned, keep it personal, avoid the completely ridiculous but have fun creating a beautiful ceremony which is perfect for you both.

Hope this helps

Karina

I completely understand where you are coming from! The wording of our 'real' ceremony, the non legals, is something that is really important to us.

I have never felt entirely comfortable with the 'until death do us part' finality of the traditional vows. I would much rather say 'until the marriage is no longer mutually beneficial and rewarding' or something along those lines, but I understand that is somewhat lacking in romance.

Are you having a celebrant conduct the ceremony for you? They will have tons of experience with people who have similars belief systems and should be able to give you some good ideas.

Something that OH and I are doing is including quotes and excerpts from our favourite films, books and comics etc. They tend to be a little more realistic and less romanticised

One of my favourite quotes about love is below, I fully intend to find some way to use it in our ceremony:

“And will I tell you that these three lived happily ever after? I will not, for no one ever does. But there was happiness. And they did live.”

Yeah we are having a Humanist celebrant do the wedding. I love that quote!

Thanks all for the replies. We are hoping to have a meeting with our celebrant soonish so we can talk about what to include. I hadn't realised there was a book of readings, perhaps our celebrant will have a copy and we can choose from there. Still not sure about the Tim reading, I mentioned it to my FFIL and he didn't seem impressed. Then again he has no stake in the wedding at all and there's part of me that wants to say 'sod our guests, the ceremony should be about us' x

The Tim Minchin thing is way too long for a reading - presumably you were thinking of reading an excerpt rather than the whole thing? Regardless, I think it is a rather baffling choice really - I am an unromantic atheist but I didn't feel the need to explain on my wedding day that romantic love is all just based on luck and circumstances. People know that already.

In terms of readings you can literally have anything, as long as it has no religious references. Our son read the lyrics of What a Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong. We also considered the Desiderata (with the god line taken out) and An Arundel Tomb by Philip Larkin.

I don't think it's too long, but it is too personal to Tim Minchin's relationship..isn't there quite a bit about how and when they met? Also it's a song about maths, rather than love or the lack therof. Unless you are a maths teacher (and your friends will get the joke) then it is an odd choice.

I think that weddings are generally considered the moment for over-romaticisation: after all you are making a commitment to be with someone for ever! If you want something a bit lighter though, try 'I Rely On You' by the late great Hovis Presley (beat poet/comedian): we used it as one of our readings, alongside some mushy stuff!

I rely on you
like a Skoda needs suspension
like the aged need a pension
like a trampoline needs tension
like a bungee jump needs apprehension
I rely on you
like a camera needs a shutter
like a gambler needs a flutter
like a golfer needs a putter
like a buttered scone involves some butter
I rely on you
like an acrobat needs ice cool nerve
like a hairpin needs a drastic curve
like an HGV needs endless derv
like an outside left needs a body swerve
I rely on you
like a handyman needs pliers
like an auctioneer needs buyers
like a laundromat needs driers
like The Good Life needed Richard Briers
I rely on you
like a water vole needs water
like a brick outhouse needs mortar
like a lemming to the slaughter
Ryan's just Ryan without his daughter
I rely on you

I LOVE Hovis Presley! Saw him live once back when Manchester had a poetry festival, he was ace. That is a great reading too.

I did come across this one, not sure if it is any good:

May be - Anon

Maybe...We are supposed to meet the wrong people before meeting the right one so that, when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift

Maybe...it is true that we don't know what we have got until we lose it, but it is also true that we don't know what we have been missing until it arrives

Maybe...the happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way

Maybe...the best kind of love is the kind you can sit on a sofa together and never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had

Maybe...you shouldn't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile, because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.

Maybe...you should hope for enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, and enough hope to make you happy

Maybe... Love is not about finding the perfect person, it's about learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.'

There was another one, I will try and find it, it's saved on my phone somewhere! ha

We're having a humanist ceremony - we're having a few readings, but the one i love the most, which my brother will read right before we do the vows, is

“You have known each other from the first glance of acquaintance to this point of commitment.

At some point, you decided to marry. From that moment of yes to this moment of yes, indeed, you have been making promises and agreements in an informal way. All those conversations that were held riding in a car or over a meal or during long walks — all those sentences that began with "When we're married" and continued with "I will, and you will, and we will"- those late night talks that included "someday" and "somehow" and "maybe"- and all those promises that are unspoken matters of the heart. All these common things, and more, are the real process of a wedding.

The symbolic vows that you are about to make are a way of saying to one another, "You know all those things we've promised and hoped and dreamed- well, I meant it all, every word." Look at one another and remember this moment in time.

Before this moment you have been many things to one another- acquaintance, friend, companion, lover, dancing partner, and even teacher, for you have learned much from one another in these last few years.

Now you shall say a few words that take you across a threshold of life, and things will never quite be the same between you. For after these vows, you shall say to the world, about each other, this - is my wife.”

ETA: We changed the last bit, the original was "this is my husband, this is my wife"

That Tim Minchin song (or an excerpt thereof) is really just a quirk too far for me (also a skeptic/strident atheist). And while it might seem really cool and cute, and most of all true, your guests are unlikely to want an in-your-face reminder that "the one" is really just "the one you happened to find that most suited at the time".

We had Scaffolding by Seamus Heaney:

Masons, when they start upon a building,
Are careful to test out the scaffolding;

Make sure that planks won’t slip at busy points,
Secure all ladders, tighten bolted joints.

And yet all this comes down when the job’s done
Showing off walls of sure and solid stone.

So if, my dear, there sometimes seem to be
Old bridges breaking between you and me

Never fear. We may let the scaffolds fall
Confident that we have built our wall.

We are not religious at all and are non-practicing Pagans (if there is such a thing!). Our readings for our civil ceremony were a gothic love poem, and a reading that I made up out of Manic St Preacher lyrics. We had a Pagan handfasting ceremony in the evening with the spiritual wording read by a friend. I don't think a lot of people really got our readings, particularly the Manics one (I gave it to my sister as she was reading it and her first reaction was 'what the **** is this?!) but we loved them so didn't care!

I love this reading SW- gonna show it my OH tonight...we've been struggling to find something we agree on (I like the quirkier whimsical ones, he prefers the formal) but this is just lovely n think he'll love it too!

(ETA it was supposed to quote sillywrongs reading but I'm on my phone n it hasn't worked.)

Some excellent suggestions here, I'm now going off the Tim minchin one. If we did go for Tim, it would be an abridged version and we would change the personalised bits to suit us e.g. we didn't meet at Perth university. I really like the 'maybe' one and the poem about scaffolding, my OH would love that as an engineer!

If you go for 'Maybe', there's another sentence on the end: 'If you do what you can, love will do what you can't.' or something along those lines. We had this as well as Hovis Presley. The full words to both (and another non-romantic but quite long one) are on my report.

Thanks for that I didn't realise there was a line missing ?

My fiance and I are card-carrying Humanists and having a Humanist ceremony. ?

I adore Tim Minchin and love that song but I do think it's a step too far for a wedding. As someone else said, it's the one day you do get to be a bit soppy and get away with it!

We're having 'Hour' by Carol Ann Duffy and an extract from 'The Alchemist' as I wanted readings unique to us rather than readings that were traditional wedding ones. The poem suits as a) I'm an English teacher and love CAD and b) fiance and I were long distance for a long time and so the sentiment of hours being precious resonates with us. I had sent him the words once in an e-mail and he remembered it. We chose the extract from 'The Alchemist' as I was reading it when I was traveling to meet him once and reading that passage was when I realised I was in love with him. ❤️

We're also having a handfasting and have chosen a third reading, based on hands, for that. I've copy and pasted them all below.

“At that moment, it seemed to him that time stood still. When he looked into her eyes, and saw that her lips were poised between a laugh and silence, he learned the most important part of the language that all the world spoke – the language that everyone on earth was capable of understanding in their heart. It was love. Something older than humanity, more ancient than the desert. Something that exerted the same force whenever two pairs of eyes met, as had theirs here. It was the pure Language of the World. It required no explanation, just as the universe needs none as it travels through endless time. What he felt in that moment was that he was in the presence of the only woman in his life and that, with no need for words, she recognised the same thing.” – The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

These are the hands of your best friend, young and strong and full of love for you, that are holding yours on your wedding day, as you promise to love each other today, tomorrow and forever.
These are the hands that will work alongside yours, as together you build your future.
These are the hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, and with the slightest touch, will comfort you like no other.
These are the hands that will hold you when fear or grief fills your mind.
These are the hands that will countless times wipe the tears from your eyes; tears of sorrow and tears of joy.
These are the hands that will tenderly hold your children.
These are the hands that will help you to hold your family as one.
These are the hands that will give you strength when you need it.
And lastly, these are the hands that, even when wrinkled and aged, will still be reaching for yours, still giving the you same unspoken tenderness with just a touch.

I've just been looking, and here is the link to the full version on "Maybe"

http://fortheminds.blogspot.co.uk/2008/12/maybe-author-unknown.html

I'd describe myself as agnostic, my fiance is an atheist. We've only just started wedding planning but i'd really like a unitarian service. They welcome all (or no) faiths and I like their welcoming attitude. It works for me because my fiance quite liked the idea of a church wedding but I wasn't willing to say vows in the name of a God if i'm not sure they exist! I do like the atmosphere of churches though.

Good luck with your wedding, it is archaic that humanist weddings aren't legal in England.