anyone else feel like their wedding has been taken over by others?

Oh hunny, it sounds like they are taking over. Try not to forget, this day is about you and your man getting married and what you want ... Nobody else. If a wedding abroad is what you want, stick to your guns. Especially if you both hate crowds, you will end up being uncomfortable all day and night. Is it too late to change what you are doing? You can't do without a honeymoon. Ours is a year later than the wedding, but that is by choice as we brought our wedding forward by a year as my parents are unwell.

I certainly wouldn't stand for inviting anyone I didn't know to our wedding. Out of the question. This is not their wedding or their money. They may not like it, but this is your day and if you don't invite aunty whoever, your Mum will get over it. People and especially family members can get so carried away. My Mum said as soon as we got engaged that she wanted absolutely nothing to do with the wedding, fine by me )

If its not too late to change anything I think you need to go for what you both want. A nice quiet, intimate beach or abroad wedding, with only your close friends & family which wouldn't make you feel uncomfortable, plus is within budget. Put your foot down, I have to get what I want and I haven't hurt or offended anyone. You'll only regret it if you do what everyone else wants x

I wish I could, i earn a lot more money than my partner so its me thats put most of the money up, all deposits are paid and spent out over £3000 so far. our dream of being married in mauritius with no one their seems like a distant memory now with our 120 guests and people fretting over colour schemes and all the unimportant stuff. his mum is really lovely but deeply religious and traditional and very old fashioned and with my partner being an only child and she's ill as well then the guilt card has come into play several times. the excitement has now completely gone and the wedding is still a year away yet. i've worked so many hours to pay these deposits i cant give it up otherwise all that time of not seeing my partner would of been for nothing.

hope you're parents will be ok and im sure they will have an absolutely wonderful day seeing their daughter happy, settled and cared for x

Ohhhh, I just want to give you a big hug! My other half is the primary earner and has paid for virtually everything and is going through a "traditional" wedding because of me (my parents can't fly because of their illnesses or wouldn't fly anywhere else and I couldn't bear the thought of my Dad not being there to walk me down the aisle). I really feel for you and that is such a hard situation to be in. Familis can be so hard on couples and put so many demands on them it is unfair. I'm very lucky, we haven't had any demands whatsoever from family. Although I am very opinionated and hard nosed when it comes to my wedding. I think the term "my day, my way" has been used a few times and I don't think anyone would dare dice with me )

Maybe try and make the best of it and put your own spin on it. Is there a way you can both escape for a while? My friends wedding the bride and groom went for a drive in their cars and popped to their hotel for a time out?

Have you invites gone out yet? If not perhaps keep the venue etc as you have paid for the deposits and have a small and intimate ceremony and meal after with close family and friends (like you originally wanted) and then invite the rest of the guests for the evening? Hopefully this would keep you and your h2b happy and the mums?

OR keep things as they are and go for a more informal/relaxed day e.g. BBQ with no seating plan or afternoon tea?

OR what is your reception venue like? Instead of having one vast room is there a way of having two linked smaller rooms? so that there isn't a massive 'crowd' of people and people are more spread out.

How long have you been planning your wedding for? Perhaps as you're quite organised but dot a bridezilla and with a year to go still- this is a bit of a lull? Whatever happens though you'll get there in the end, even if you have to put a few noses out of joint! Do what makes you and your h2b happy and I'm sure both famiies will understand your reasons.

Hi Marie, I feel so sorry for you but agree with other posters that perhaps you should contact the venue to see if you can do any tweaking and make it a day that everyone can enjoy. To a lesser extent I know how you feel. Me and the OH are not big spenders and are quite conservative, but my family are putting up a lot of money to pay for the day. It's been very difficult to be grateful for the money but also say you don't want to spend more than a certain amount. For that reason me and OH feel a little bit like we are spending more than we are comfortable spending and it's not even our money! We would honestly be happy going to the registry office and then having a big party at our house. Although I must say I am excited about being a princess for the day, the amount of money being spent makes me feel uncomfortable. Crazy eh!

My mum has also insisted on inviting people that I dont really know or havent seen for years. I put my foot down over the ceremony but had to back down over the evening do. After all, she is the 'host' so she needs to invite her friends.

Families eh! I think you need to sit down with your mum and just tell her you're both feeling a bit overwhelmed! You're her daughter I'm sure she doesnt mean to make you unhappy.

xxxxx

Aww you all have made me feel sooo much better. the venue is one giant room with nowhere outside for bbq or informal anything, no grounds for photos so having to go up the road into the public park (hahaha lets hope it doesnt rain). im sure its just me being silly because it's a year away and i hate plans for anything i just like to do things off the cuff and see what happens rather than on this date at this time i will be doing this, sucks the fun out of life. im trying to secretly save a little bit of money to surprise my partner on our wedding day to take him to rome as its been his dream for years but that will only happen if i can save enough privately. our budget has doubled at the moment and all expect £1300 we're paying for everything else ourselves. the save the date cards have been sent to those who have to travel but thats his side of the family as mine all live closer so can only cut the list down on my side. all i want is to be able to say to people this is my husband or be able to say to others yes i am mrs bolt, that for me is the important bit not all the silly bits that people think are important, the reason why im marrying him is whats important, not what im wearing or whose there or what we eat and where people are going to stay.

thank you so much for all your comments though has been really helpful being able to chat to someone who understands xx

Morning Amy

we are asking for money towards our honeymoon, we got a really lovely poem printed on photography paper really cheap from ebay but we're not expecting people to pay for the whole thing as we know how strapped for cash people are so we're going to put the money in an account and top it up until we have enough. Rome will be his surprise if i can pull it off, just for 3 days x

This is exactly why we eloped. I dreaded the idea of the big wedding "production" so we married abroad with no friends or family present. I am an only child as well, although it's not my first marriage. I was more concerned about OH's mum - he's the eldest son and whereas his brother is married, it wasn't anywhere local to his parents so they weren't involved either. We "sold" it to them by saying it was the marriage that mattered, not the wedding, and by doing it our way, we wouldn't be putting undue stress on ourselves.

Could you turn your mother's religious slant back on her, and explain that you totally agree, weddings aren't about matching flowers and towering cakes, so you just want those present at your wedding to be you, your OH, and a priest. Double check first that you can have a church/religious wedding where you go. We had the full C of E service on Zanzibar. I don't think my mother was at all convinced by what we did until after we get back. We had the ceremony videoed, and when we got back we made a longer video which included the ceremony and a photo montage of our best pictures. It was only when Mum saw the traditional ceremony with Anglican priest and us making our vows, that she finally realised that it was a "proper" wedding after all!