Anyone else got a groom who hates weddings?

My oh is a little like this...

he says its just a piece of paper and we dont need it, but he wants us to get married and hes actually enjoying thinking about the wedding now.

Fingers crossed then that mine has a change of heart...

Sadly, thats the last kind of wedding I want and i know that i will always feel like i missed out. Not to mention the fact that the wedding dress I bought will look ridiculous at the register office.

That said, i also can't see how i can go through with something that he's not enjoying, so I think i'm going to have to agree with you and ask him today if thats what he would prefer.

I would think its really important to find a middle ground that you are both happy with. We have as OH would hate the standard wedding so we're going small and making it personal and now he's really into it.

Let us know how it turns out Clarabella - I really hope you can come to a compromise which means neither of you has to shift too far from your ideas of your ideal wedding. Maybe if your OH knew how much it would mean to you, it might make it start to mean more to him, too?

Good luck with it x

Hi Clarabella,

I see that you have just over 4 months to go to the big day... How much have you already booked and paid deposits for?

Would it at all be practical, and not lose you tons of money, to downsize the wedding? Just your nearest and dearest, perhaps?

It will be a hard compromise for you, I am sure. But it has to be one you can both live with.

Whatever happens, I hope you can work it out to something which will you make you both happy.

Andrea de Gabriel

My OH is exactly the same and that is why we have chosen to get married in secret with just my mum and her fiance as our witnesses. He is very shy and hates all the fuss associated with a big wedding, so we have scaled it down as much as possible and thats what we plan to do. Our children dont even know we are getting married!

On the plus side, I will get to wear my dress twice as we are also planning a big party to celebrate said secret wedding......he is happy and im happy.

My partner feels the same - getting married really isn't a big thing to him... so we've compromised, instead of a big church wedding that I wanted we're having a small ceremony [32 people including us with just 26 immediate family and 4 friends] at a hotel with an evening reception of less than 100 [the rest of our family and a few friends]

I was happy to tone the day down to fit into his ideas, although it might not be the day i'd initially dreamed of it'll be perfect and now that it's planned i'm actually thinking he might have the right idea!

Sometimes though I do think men think it will be far worse than it may really be. My partner is similar, he doesnt really want the wedding, but he wants us to get married and so I suggested the registry office thing to him and left it for him to consider for a few days. When I then commented that we wont need flowers, no point in lots of photos etc as its not so formal, he began questioning things. So really, he does want a wedding, but I think he is just incredibly nervous at the idea of everyone watching him(pressure like that he hates), perhaps your man is the same.

Thanks for all your messages everyone. I had a word with my OH yesterday morning and we have agreed to have a proper talk about it. He also agrees that by saying that we may as well invite everyone and that it was all entirely up to me (while secretly hoping for a quiet wedding) was probably sending me mixed messages... ?

So I expect we will opt for a small ceremony for immediate family and best friends only, with the masses descending afterwards for a party. As it will likely all be at the same premises, there are only two down sides to this for me:

1. I won't be able to make a grand entrance for the vast majority of my friends, without arranging something quite contrived. Sorry if that sounds vain, but my dress is lovely...at the same time, thats a small price to pay for his happiness

2. we may have less people attend from his family in yorkshire if they are only invited to the reception. Which could be good or bad depending on how you see it...

With regards MaxineGallie's point, i think she's right. He is basing his assumptions on the fact that he is mostly used to really formal weddings that bore him rigid, and we're not having one of those. Also, I expect when he starts to think about the things he might have to give up, he may feel differently.

Meanwhile he has contracted the lurgy so probably won't be able to talk about it for a couple of days, but I am so glad i found this out now rather than in a couple of weeks when the invites had gone out!

Having his family in attendance might not be as important to him as your family being there is to you - I was extremely surprised when my OH [whose from a very close knit northern family] told me he only wanted his grandparents, parents and sister invited to the actual wedding.

When I told him that the rest of his family may not want to make a 600 mile round trip just for the evening reception he was totally indifferent about it - so that's what we've gone with x

Mine doesn't hate weddings, and is quite keen on a big celebration with all our friends and family, but is massively uninterested in most of the planning. Interested in venue food, booze and it being done properly, otherwise largely apathetic, although willing to be kicked into action where required (as he doesn't have a body double, his presence was required for suits...)

I think so.