Anyone put any unusual requests in your invites?

We haven't put it in the invite but we have implied to people in person that they shouldn't wear hats....however, our vicar suggested this because large hats mean fewer people to a pew.

To the OP- I probably wouldn't be offended by that, but I would think it was a bit odd. Also telling someone categorically to not wear something is (IMO) different to suggesting an alternative. I.e "Don't wear black." is a little rude, but "we would prefer people to wear XYZ to match our theme" etc is slightly better.

Just to play devils advocate..... it is a common request at funerals now for guests not to wear black. Is this rude? Would you be offended by this? Would you deliberately wear black to defy the wish (as some have suggested)

My opinion is that is is your day - you do it as you like, if you really dont want any black, then that is your perogative. I would assume that most of your guests are close enough friends, and of course family and wont take the mortal offence that some seem to think it'll cause, because they know you, love you and wnat you to have a great day.

Incidentally, I did ask someone to leave my first wedding, straight after the ceremony. by BIL turned up in joggers, trainers and a stained T shirt, claiming he "couldnt be ar$ed to iron his shirt" so I politely asked him to leave and consider getting changed. He did so, and joined us for the reception.

how are you asking for people to pay for your tog?

to the OP i don't think i would be deeply offended but i personally wouldn't put any attire requests unless the venue has a specific dress code...our ceremony venue doesn't allow high heels with a heel width less than a 2p piece as the floors are really old wooden floors and they don't want them ruining so we will be putting something about that but saying that we will provide heel protectors for those that still wish to wear narrow heels as we don't want to restrict people...

a lot of people feel comfortable in black, my mum wears a lot of black as it's more flattering so you have to be careful that you don't make guests feel uncomfortable...

as for asking about the hats/facinators, i've had this before but it was more of a suggestion...i think they put something like 'hats and facinators welcome ladies!' and that way it was still optional, i'm not sure you can say people have to wear one

x

My tog does a lovely gift scheme, where instead of asking for cash or honeymoon money, you give guests his details, then they can pay towards his service. He has ended up owing couples money before. x

Crikey, Sorry ladies, I didn't mean to offend anyone and I didn't intend to be defensive in my first reply. I did say I guess it is just a matter of opinion. I still see nothing wrong with it as it is only one colour after all. Maybe because I don't have any black dresses and all my wedding outfits have always been bright colours and I would always go out of my way to avoid wearing black to a wedding.

At the end of the day, each to their own. A friend of mine has just booked their wedding for next year, which turns out to be miles away from home and on a Friday, but that isn't an issue because they are my friends and I'll do what it takes or what they want, to be with them on their big day. Yes it is going to cost me a fortune and time off work to be there, but so what. (time off work is also even more precious to me than normal next year, as I'm having to take extra unpaid time off work to do my own honeymoon).

Yes guys can wear black suits that's fine, as they don't really have many other options and their suits cost way more than a dress does. , I'd just like them to wear a coloured shirt or nice bright tie.

Another way of thinking for me is I wouldn't turn up to a funeral in bright colours as that's just not done (unless requested to). I see black at weddings the same way. Just my opinion.

I guess it's a case of ... those that mind, don't matter, and those that matter don't mind )

Sorry ladies, I really didn't expect this reaction. It's just my preference for my big day. Some people get married in black dresses or have black BM dresses. There is nothing wrong with it because that is what they want and I respect that. Personal preference and all that.

I honestly don't think my request is rude. I didn't think Id be shouted down for it and Im sorry if I have caused offense (

It could be expensive and seems unncessary which in my world, is difficult. This attitude of 'whatever we want' as guests' opinions aren't worth considering is, to me, very rude though. I'm thankful that none of the weddings I've been to have had such an awkward couple to be this demanding. Anyone who thinks that a nicely accessorised black dress is against wedding ettiquette needs to catch up - if it's ok for a royal (i.e. Kate Middleton last year, I think?), then it's just plain ok.

Thank you Sparkes82 xxx

I guess I just can't imagine bothering what other people wear. As long as they are comfortable in what they are wearing then great. I can't see it affecting my day in anyway at all. The only time I would make a suggestion as to clothing would be if they for example they would need to walk across a muddy field so may wish to bring something suitable to put on then. That would be for their benefit rather then for mine.

When planning my day I have tried to remember as much as possible how it is to be a guest at a wedding and tried to make it as inconvienient for my friends as family. It is the most important day in our lives but for everyone else its another wedding that they are going to have to possibly pay a lot of money to attend.

Rach xx

You haven't caused offence. We were just giving our honest opinion to your original question, no harm done.

You havn't! We are expressing our opinions as you asked.

Completely agree with this. Apart from the actual getting wed bit, my guests were the most important part of my day.

Pandora, the dress was from Monsoon but I bought it from the outlet so may be last season! I love it though. Wearing it again in September - hope the bride's not offended!

I'd observe the request, but wouldn't like being told what to do. It would be unusal for me to choose to wear black to a wedding anyway, as I'd normally choose bright colours, but I have a friend who I've known for about a year, see her at least once a week and she only EVER wears black, because she's conscious of her size. She'd feel very uncomfortable having to wear a colour as she thinks (rightly or wrongly) that it draws attention to herself.

Like I said, I'd do it, but I can guarantee I'd be saying to my friends "ooh, can you believe what she said on the invitation?".

Fascinators look ridiculous. I have never worn a hat or a fascinator to a wedding and would be very annoyed if someone told me I had to. Especially as I would have to go and spend my money on one! I think asking for a dress code is bridezillaish, and to be honest on the day you won't care! The your day your way thing can go too far at times.

I would agree with this and think I would struggle if someone told me to wear a hat/fascinator and was uncomfortable all day because of it. Iwould rather my guests wore what they wanted and enjoyed themselves. As it happens, both my SILs wore black to my wedding but they were both 8.5 months pregnant so I was just glad they were there TBH!

I think in the main most people wouldn't wear black to a wedding anyway so I think its a strange dictation to make in the first place

BTW Kharv I love that dress too and would definitely wear it to a wedding!

My thoughts exactly.

Personally i think your over thinking things , Ok black isnt the most cheerfull colour but i think it can be very glamous sometimes , My mums MOB outfit was black and i thought she looked fab! I would be offended if someone had of turned up in a long white dress which was bridal like but i think alot of brides would be! I know your saying i guess its up the bride and groom but would you want to make those who dont wear bright colours feel uncomfortable? because personally i would.

I have dresses that cost more than my husband's suit. ?

I wouldn't have dreamt of telling my guests what they couldn't wear. Suggestions such as 'The venue gets chilly in the evening, you may wish to bring an extra layer to keep warm/the lawn will be boggy after all of this rain, you may wish to consider wellies if you want to go walking' are a completely different scenario as far as I'm concerned.

Why push people out of their comfort zone - either personally or financially?

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Fascinators look ridiculous.

Like anything if the one you wear doesn't suit.... So i think that's a bit of a cop out as there are hats/facinators out there to suit all styles shapes and budgets just a tiny bit of effort is required to go find one (although fortunately in my case at 30 my friends and I have established city jobs so would go out to buy a new outfit for a function anyway) ...not that I would be calling the fashion police to attend my wedding in any case quite rightly i wont care on the day.

I also think its funny how some people think this is considered rude/bidezillaish but have no issue with picking what their bridesmaids or the groomsman are to wear, granted the bridal parties outfits are usually paid for by the wedding fund but i don't see the difference, in fact i think the later is worse because in most cases they don't have choice of style or colour, the end result often looking ridiculous with various sizes, shapes, ages all wearing the same. ?

What on earth has that got to do with anything?

Surely you're not serious?

We cross-posted there Claire_lou but my thoughts exactly!

I think that, as a bride, you can make any request you like, as long as you realise that you may end up with some slightly annoyed guests.

Like others have said on here, I hate being told what to do. I would probably respect a bride's wishes, but don't ask me to like it.

I think you'll find that most brides now do consult their bridesmaids about what they would like them to wear. My bridesmaids picked there own dresses, the only point I made was the colour and that I wanted it to tie in with my theme, they had their makeup and hair exactly how they wanted it too.