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So who is now organising your hen? Yourself? Sorry but I would tell them! bit of a pisspoor show if they can't be bothered!

I don't think you are being a bridezilla yet as you've not said anything, just normal worry! ?

I think you need to let it ride with the holiday. What sort of things do you imagine the bridesmaid will be helping you with? I think the only 2 people who should be really involved with the finalisation is you and your OH so if your feeling unsupported and like everything is down to you, then its him you need to speak to - just my opinion.

The jobs I expect my bridesmaids to do between now and our wedding are:

* Attend the hen night that I am organising

* Send me measurements to get their dresses made (or better still come visit the dress lady - sooo not gonna happen!)

* Buy some shoes and undies and tell me whether they want booking in with hairdresser / make up lady

* Book their hotels and leave from work and try to attend the rehersal dinner

* Come eat crap with me the night before and watch crap DVDs

OK, so hopefully the hen do is way before she goes on holiday... I know mine will be able 8 weeks before, I don't want the effects of alcohol poisoning making me look shite in my wedding photos ?

In reality, what will you actually want you BM to do more than a day before the wedding? Offer you support? One would hope that you have more than one person in your life who can do that

Also, it's the BMs job to do x, wy and z? In who's opinion? Maybe in yours but not necessarily in theirs? For example, when I mentioned to OH that I thought that his Best Man might need to stay soberish to make sure that everyone gets home safely, because it says so in loads of Wedding Organiser websites, he looked at me like I was mad and that the several weddings he's been to, no-one has EVER done that!

Have you had a good old girly chat about what you'd like them to do? In an ideal world everyone would have the week off before our weddings and we could all go for girly pampering sessions etc, but real life isn't like that.

I do really understand why you're feeling this way, and I think, maybe in your shoes, I'd feel like a rant too... but I think you may have answered your own rant with your last sentence. Ask for the help, people aren't psychic, but please expect the help to be given when it suits the other person if it's not a matter of life and death.

You WILL have a fantastic day. The most important things are in place (ie you and the OH) everything else is just gravy.

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Aw, bless you, you sound like your panicing more than anything.

Their nails - how long do you think it will take? I'd imagine if it came to it, they could be done on the morning of the wedding, or they could do their own while waiting in the departure lounge, and if the worst happens and their nails are bare.. Will it ruin your wedding day? (I hoope not!)

Dress - make them try them on before and then they can see how loose / tight they are. If worst happens and they don't fit, would it stop the wedding going ahead or would you tell em to breath in and change at the reception?

If the plane is delayed - this doesn't happen that often, not for 24 hours anyway. You just have to trust they will do everything they can to get there.

Ah I see, I thought it was your mate who was no going on holiday, not your bridesmaid, i didn't read it properly

While I can understand you are anxious about her being on holiday, it's not something you've got any control over unfortunately. Don't forget what your wedding is about - I have to keep reminding myself when I go into meltdown. Also remember other people's lives don't stop just because you're getting married. At least she's coming. My mate booked a holiday over the weekend of our wedding even AFTER I sent the save the date cards. You just have to get over it and focus on the good things.

I hope it gets sorted and don't let it worry you too much. My H2B's mum has been looking at flights this weekend (finally - 10 months after it was booked)

She's planning on flying out the morning of the wedding - arriving into resort around 1pm - our wedding is for late tea time... I'm not worryin about it, cos if that's what she wants to do, it's up to her! xx

As long as you and your H2B is there, that's the main thing??? xx

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I was just about to post that but you beat me to it, again!

*drools....

I've just eaten a whole jar of hot chilli's to satisfy my addiction

Quick, have some chocolate! Even if it's just a packet of Malteasers, they're light you know and even ballet dancers eat them ?

It's always an arse when people don't meet your expectations, escpecially if you would do the same in return... unfortunately most people aren't like that. If she is treating you in the same way as the rest of the close people she knows, then that's the benchmark you have to set for her. Any more is a bonus, any less then I'd have a chat with the OH ?

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If my BMs were away until the day before the wedding I really wouldn't be bothered. As far as I see it their job is to support you immediately before the wedding (i.e. perhaps the night before and the morning of the wedding) and during the day.

Sorry disagree with trickers first post on this thread - i dont think you're being bridezilla at all! You will need help and support in the days leading up to the wedding plus any girly fun nights in etc which your bridesmaid will miss if they are away. And yes, you will then not have as much help and support that you'll probably need. So, if it was me, I would be a tad peeved too!

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Seriously? How many girly nights in do you expect to have before your wedding?! I'm certainly going to be too busy flapping about making sure everything is as it should be. As I said, what kind of support will you expect from your BM that you can't get from you H2B or other important people in your life?! My goodness, talk about setting someone up to fail with those kind of expectations! And if the BM wants to miss out on all these things to go on her hols then surely that's her decision to make? Just my opinion, of course...

I'm not having any bridesmaids and guess what? I shall still manage to spend the night before on my own, not flap too much and put my own shoes on AND get myself to the church on time!

And I shall be married to my lovely OH, and that's what matters!

OMG pardon me for having an opinion! JOKE.

But seriously, I would be miffed if i didnt have any help/support from my bridesmaid the night before or the week leading up to the wedding. If you have NO bridesmaids at all i spose then you're expectations are different in terms of being prepared to manage on your own. My point was, i dont think its bridezilla-ish of the OP to feel put out by her B/Ms suddenly not being around to help out.

For me personally, I'd not mind if my BMs weren't around the week before the wedding, but I've already 'booked' them for the night before (all staying in my childhood room at my parents house). So I'd be miffed if they backed out at this point. Unlikely to happen though.

Yes, I could understand that if the OP was getting married in a couple of months, but she has 6 months notice to make sure that everything is sorted with the BM before she goes away.

As I said, please tell me what you are expecting your BM to do that will require her to clear a week of her time to offer her support? That's a serious question! I might be missing a trick here and not be expecting as much as I should be from my BM!

I don't know about anyone else, but people I know who are getting married this year (there's 3 of us in our office alone) are all working, pretty much up to the day (bar a few) because we'll have most things all sorted by then. I also certainly don't want my BM thinking "what does she want THIS time?" or being grateful because it's all over and she can get her life back.

What's happened to this thread?

Did you want to delete it?

Can you delete threads?

Not sure, you can delete posts though. Perhaps if the op emailed the mods then they could remove?

I recognise you "panjita" you have the same avatar as your previous incarnation (that I shan't mention as I am guessing you did it for privacy?).

What an odd thread!

And I thought I'd asked a reasonable question about what people think I should be expecting my BM to do, especially since it seems my expectations are fairly low!

Confused.com

Sorry all 1. Got a bit panicked after all this name changing that my rant might be identifiable and 2. Got a bit upset. Didnt realise I was imposing so much on people and having ridiculously high expectations- didn't need more telling

Yeah. I've got no probs with peopl eon here knowing it's still me, but if anyone searches, my identity would be pretty damn obvious and TBH I may as well have put my name, address and NI number on here. lol I've never been on a forum before where you are not allowed to change your own display name.

I usually use the name Flange as my username but computer said NO on hitched... too vulgar maybe? Sums me up I guess.

You'd be b*ggered if that was your real name then!?

Thing is, the majority of my mates and even work colleagues call me Flange so I never even think of it as being rude!

Doesn't the word 'flange' mean lady parts?

Apparently, but also rhymes with Ange so I don't see it as people calling me fanny or anything. lol