.

So you don't work there anymore and your OH doesn't work there?

ETA: Also, naughty H. I'm not sure I could have forgiven that so kudos!

If he's not actually harassing her, then I don't see what the problem is? She might have kept the sexting messages, but that was 18 months ago so she doesn't any evidence of anything going on right now.

To be honest, I'd just leave it. You don't work there anymore, and the problems that your friend M is having are her problems.

If J has employed someone to use as bait, that's up to her. I'd suggest that you just rise above it and ignore it.

I can't see that she'd just turn up to your wedding, but maybe hire a doorman just in case ?

Does your OH work there? If so, that might need reviewing. True or false, if a senior member of staff is complaining to directors about harassment, his position is going to be immensely difficult.

If he doesn't work there, how did he have that phone number?

And you've no problem with a 'friend' gossiping about you and your relationship to people who know the involved parties? I'd be having words with M.

I'd leave it too. If he hasn't been texting her she's talking shite and its not your problem.

And to add: Along with best man, I was employed as security at a mutual friend's wedding, to watch out for a potential interloper. As the best man couldn't cover the ceremony, I was the doorman! Boy didn't have a clue why I insisted we sat at the back. I was also told that as the potential interloper was female, it would be down to me to do most of the fisticuffs??? She never showed, but in reality, I'd have attempted to remove her by guile, not punching.

Thanks for your replies - sorry it wasn't very clear was it!

I no longer work there and OH doesn't she sent him her number via facebook. And M knew nothing about it until she got calle up for saying something - thats why i'm fuming as she is involving people that don't need to know. And obviously M is fuming as she hasn't done anything and the directors have told her J is vital for the business where as she isn't, and she needs to watch her back.

Anyway, i was thinking i might get someone on doorwatch, just in case ?

Thanks otters, i not worrying so much about it now. I'll just leave it and let it die down.

I'd honestly put them all out of your mind. You don't work there anymore - they're not your office politics and shenanigans to care about now.

And unless your OH has carried on contacting her in the last 18 months without you knowing, she's spouting shite about the harassment thing too.

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

I don't see where the OP said it was 18 months ago - my count is 4 months. OP - clarify?

I fail to see why anyone would complain to their management about someone from outside of the company 'harassing' them. How odd.

I'm with kharv, ignore.

Why do you think she would bother turning up to the wedding? Surely your friends M and A or whoever haven't given her the details?

ETA - my hubby also didn't 'get' much from me for the best part of a year due to various gynaelogical issues. I really wouldn't have forgiven him for flirting or texting other women during that time!

I agree. it all seems a very odd situation to me.

I'm with Kharv though, just ignore it. Unless you think he has been doing something? In which case that's a whole other issue.

True - I was reading subsequent posts.

I think 4 months still stands with the harassment thing though - if he hasn't contacting her in 4 months he's hardly hassling her.

OP, I hope you don't think I'm stalking but I had a look through your previous posts and I caught one from before April, where you outlined a situation about your Boy and his FB account. You were blasted by us for going through his private stuff, but is it fair to say that your suspicions have since been proved correct?

One of the things I got from this previous post was his reaction to you doing this. In retrospect, this is now waving a massive red flag for me. It's horribly common for people who are misbehaving to lay all of the blame at the door of their partner - you don't trust me, I don't know who you are anymore, I'm not sure I can live like this. Most of the people I know who have been through affairs/cheating/inappropriateness have said that this aspect - making them feel like they were children/idiots/b*tches - is sometimes worse than the actual cheating.

I hope, when you say that you are "back on track", that all this nastiness has been reconciled?

Yes 4 months ago.

She knows all the wedding details as it was all planned before i left the company and J, M, A and myself did loads of wedding things together whilst at work!

Yes, quite what she has complaining to management about an outsider i don't know.

Ha, you're quite right Footlong. God knows where I conjured that timescale from!

Yes FTLOMB - you are correct in saying about my previous post.

He admitted to me that he reacted that way because of potentially being caught out. Although he didn't like me going through his stuff since this has happened he has made everything accessible to me and is more open about how he feels rather than bottling it up.

Although i've made these posts and put him in a negative light he really is a good bloke! I only seem to post when i've got something to rant about *note to self...post some good stuff one day!*

I agree with the other ladies on here and think you should just leave it. They don't work together so she can't complain about harrassment on that level.

If you are that worried about her keeping the texts can't you get your OH to change his number so IF she has kept the texts (surely she wouldn't have...?) they would be from a different number anyway?

You don't work for her, he doesn't work for her, if you really have forgiven him for what he has done then just forget all about it and focus on your special day.

I dont think you should speak to J at all. Are you sure your OH has not been doing anything he shouldn't be despite the sexting previously?

I find it concerning you cited your medical issue as possibile mitigation for his actions with the sexting. I fully understand you love him and it is natural to make excuses for someone you love but what would happen if god forbid you were taken ill or had a serious disability and you couldn't 'perform' ever again? Could he not stay faithful to someone if they were no longer able to give him what he wants?

I know that nothing has carried on since - from the messages i saw (and the ones i worry she still has), yes at the time, crikey i didn't know what to do when reading them, but there was no suggestion it would go further than a few texts.

His reasoning for it was that it was cheaper than calling babestation - lol! Without going into too much detail this is something we are both happy to put on but he was just worried about the phone bills being sky high. His impression of what happened was that it was just someone on the other end of the text, just like babestation would be if he called up (please don't judge us! -lol)

I told him that in my opinion this is cheating, however, in his head it wasn't. I know he wouldn't ever physically cheat as he was scarred by an ex - its just we had different opinions as to what is acceptable!

This is another topic really, but I find it difficult to believe people can sustain a purely platonic relationship. Sex isn't the be all and end all of a relationship, but it *is* important. I'm not saying it's ok to cheat if you're not getting any off your partner, but there's got to come a point when you say "ok, you're a man, you have needs, and I can't give you those. Perhaps you should be with someone else."

Or is it just me that thinks that? ?

There are plenty of ways to have a sexual relationship without actually having sex though.

At the risk of hijacking the thread, call me old fashioned but I don't see it like that. If you commit to someone for life it should not be dependant on anything e.g. only if you are able to give me sex. IMO it is black and white, you either commit wholly and unreservedly or you don't. It may be you do give your partner the option of a way out but that is another subject. It is both good times and bad, sickness and in health etc etc.

I agree. And that if there were any extramarital stuff going on, it should be on the consent of both parties.

Oh yeah, I agree with that. I don't think anything should be done behind the other's back. I just mean, personally, if I couldn't give my hubby something he needed such as sex, I wouldn't feel like I was enough for him, IYSWIM. Obviously I'd hope that he would be ok with it, but I wouldn't *expect* it from him.

I believe sex is important, but I would be concerned that he didn't really see what he did as cheating. It is cheating as it is a betrayal of your trust and having a sexual relationship with another woman, even if its not a physical one. I don't really see how sending sexy texts to another woman was fulfilling his needs anyway, he still wasn't going to be getting any physical relief. If sexy messages does it for him why couldn't he send sexy texts to you? Like Kharv said, there are other ways to have a sexual relationship.

And I'm fairly certain my H finds Babestation ridiculous. Why not just watch porn and have a wank for free?

Just wanted to pop in and say I agree with the other ladies who have said to leave it and get on with your life.

You had a blip but decided to move on and forgive him. You will only cause yourself more hurt if you keep re-visiting this.

Do as others have suggested and have appointed 'security' at your wedding although considering she is a bit of a twunt herself for carrying on with a spoken for man hopefully she won't want to turn up and cause a scene. If she does though you'll have a friend or two who will move her on and you'll be none the wiser.

Thank you for your replies.

Yes there are other ways to have a sexual relationship - OH just assumed that because i couldn't 'do it' i didn't want it?!! Therefore he thought i'd moan about receiving sexy texts from him! He is a bit short sighted sometimes! Also agree about the porn and wank!

In my head it was cheating, but not in his, but we have got over that hurdle now and we are now on the singing from the same hymn sheet about everything now.

Even if that's your view point i hope it would apply to women as well, who also have needs ;o)

OP - what a messy situation. I'm with the others in that you leave it all now as you and your OH don't work there.

The only thing I want to add to this thread is that I caught my H sexting another girl, our sex life was still good. I forgave him and he did it again.

14months since our wedding and he's leaving me. The sexting isnt the reason, it's because I don't make him happy, but it sure is a factor. You need to be really certain in your heart that its not going to happen again.

I have to ask - does he understand now about why his behaviour was not acceptable, and how it is very different to texting Babestation?

Peanut, yes he does now see why it is not acceptable. To be fair he is doing everything possible to prove to me that it won't happen again and he says quite often that, because it wasn't physical, he didn't see I as being unfaithful but he can now see it is.

I'll say something that someone very wise (from here) told me when my husband decided to leave - Look after your heart.