,

I can understand why you might feel a little put out - I know I would, especially with it being three hours drive away, which means your OH will be hanging around for a little bit.

But, as you say it has been a quick engagement/wedding planning process, which may definitely mean that they are on a restrictive budget. If they're having a wedding breakfast, these can often be pricey per head so I'm sure she wants to ensure that she's paying for the exact people she wants there.

If she's not very close to your H2B then I could maybe understand her wanting to fill the place up with someone else- we haven't given people generic +1's and instead opted for inviting couples if we knew them both well.

She has invited him to the evening, so it's not like she's not invited him entirely.

It's a difficult one, 'cause I can see it fro ma wedding planning view, but I'd also be pretty miffed it it was me & my OH.

Thanks for your response, that's why I thought to ask on here from a wedding planning point of view as I have a tendency to over analyse things and I can be sensitive.

They have spent a fortune on the wedding it is at a five star venue with the breakfast more than likely costing nearer to £200 per head so they are not on a tight budget, but I also appreciate that at that cost you don't want to be paying for people you don't no very well.

I just have a feeling it has all been done on purpose to exclude me as much as she can. I think she is a little miffed that I have a partner because for the 20 years I have know her I have always been the single boring one listening to her endless tales about whichever guy she was dating apart from the last few years that I have been with my OH.

I spoke to another friend who said that she sees what I mean and thinks that Sarah was a little jealous of my situation (not me) and didn't want me to 'overtake' her in terms of marriage and kids. I'm not sure on that myself though.

Just feel there is more to it than cost and numbers.

This is a hard one and can completely see your view, especially as you thought you were very close.

I really struggled with this on my guest lists as we are on such a tight budget that we only started to invite family and friends and then added on plus ones. Luckily we have had quite a few family members not being able to attend so then we have been able to include a few of the invited OH but initially it was just friends without their OH (the OH were invited to the evening). I really felt bad, especially for those that I am close too but I just explained why and they were all understanding. There are still a few family's OH and Friends OH that we just haven't been able to invite.

I guess if I was her I would have explained when I sent the invite. Called you or something just to explain, then it may not have felt so bad when it came through?

Do you know anything about the wedding? It may just be down to size? I can see why you feel it's been done on purpose but try not to let it get to you. There may be a reason for it. x

Are you staying in a hotel after the wedding? If so may least he will have somewhere to wait but if not what will hemdo between you going to the wedding and it being his turn. One thing to consider.

Friendship wise i had a similar 90/10 situation and we had a good chat where things would improve. It was me that moved away. In the end it became obvious that things had moved on and we weren't the same any more. From experience I have to say when you move away and come back to visit family they do sometimes have problems that mean all your time is taken up with family leaving little time to catch up with friends although I never stood people up just couldn't see them as much as I would have liked.

Maybe you could ring her excited to thank her for her birthday invitation and either mention your partners invite or ask how many are going etc etc then play it by ear depending on the conversation.

Sorry I can't be more helpful on that one. I think it would depend on her reasoning, budget etc. Good luck.

I didn't even get a text or call to say what the situation was. We had been texting all week and she had been asking me if I had received the invitation and not once did she say my OH would not be invited to the whole day. It was probably wrong of me to assume really.

She has been living away from home for about 10 years and we have always remained close until last year when she met her fiancé so I can only put it down to meeting him and being all loved up I guess.

I was thinking of booking a hotel and to get in early to get a more reasonable price, so my OH could stay there. One friend had booked the hotel since January but I waited as I wanted to receive an invite first. Must be my gut instinct again! I was also looking to book our train ticket as it definitely isn't a venue you can drive to. Glad I waited now.

Would you have invited peoples OH if they were married even if you knew them less?

I think she has only invited me as it would look bad if she didn't as we have a big group of mutual friends and everyone will know how close we were.

Think I am coming to the realisation that we are not that close and that I held her in higher esteem them she holds me which is very sad. Especially with this point in our lives which should be so happy.

I may or may not invite plus 1s depending on venue etc but I would at least explain my dilemma which she hadn't done. My daughter has been invited to a relatives wedding with her son. No mention of or invite for the partner she has lived with for three years. No explanation either. Needless to say she decided not to attend.

You won't know the circumstances unless you ask and there may or may not be a good enough reason for it.

I personally wouldn't do that for people who had to travel so far.

I had similar a few years ago I was a full day guest and my OH was an evening but this was because it was only 40 day guests and 100 evening guests. It was fine the boyfriends spent the afternoon together.

I appreciate how you're feeling. I went to a wedding last year of a friend I've known for 10 years and my boyfriend of four years was not invited, nor did she say anything either. I was hurt because I didn't really know anyone else at the wedding but I put it down to cost. By the sounds of how quickly she got engaged, I think she probably can't afford to have your fiancé there for the entire day. I don't think it's been done on purpose. As you say your relationship is 90/10 and she doesn't know your OH very well so I don't think you should expect an invite. If you're not sure, why not just call her and say her about the evening invite for OH? Act like you think she's made a mistake.

Jayne I think you are right but I have always thought it to be bad taste to ask these sorts of questions about who is invited etc and she has been reluctant to divulge any wedding info so far so don't want to pry or be seen as nosy. I will sleep on it. Glad I asked the questions though and realise it not be being weird and looking at it wrong.

Sunny- yes you are probably right it was wrong of me to assume he would get an invite I think if she had just said before hand it wouldn't have mattered. I think its just this added to the rest of the back storey made me question things really.

I suppose I have a few options- 1) we both go as instructed on the invites, 2) only I go and my OH not bother, 3) I attend with my OH to the evening only or 4) neither of us go!

Thanks for your reply everyone, much appreciated x

I would try to take a step back and look at it from not just your perspective. As someone in the midst of planning your own wedding you should know that there are too many things going on to waste time on making a passive aggressive point to a specific guest. Brides have a lot of people they have to please and it's a balancing act already without adding in extra drama. It may very well be that she has quite a lot of guests with partners and she had to draw a hard line somewhere. This may have been "we're only inviting engaged or married partners" because if she invites one person's boyfriend then she might have to invite everyone else's boyfriend, and where do you drawn the line between a "serious" relationship and a casual one? She obviously got engaged quickly, so despite the length of the relationship, it's very serious. It's much easier to just draw a hard line rather than opening that whole can of worms. You don't know what her guest list looks like. Maybe her parents are asking her to invite a lot of their friends? Ideally she would have explained the reason, but you can't be upset with her for not knowing how serious your relationship is when she doesn't know you're engaged.

In terms of invitations, oftentimes brides have friends and family help with addressing the invitations so it may have been someone else who copied your name off the list and got it wrong. Maybe she left your partner's name off the list and meant to find out and fill it in and never did? And the person writing the invitations didn't bother to ask? I have no idea what my cousin's girlfriend's last name is and they've been together for years.

To be honest, it comes across to me like you are a little jealous of her recent engagement. From the way you describe it seems like you were very pleased to finally have one up on her. You're being a little judgemental about her short relationship and it seems like you think her relationship isn't as valid as yours (you've called her 'desperate'). You have spent a lot of time listening to her talk about guys while you've been single, and now finally you are the one with the boyfriend. And you're getting married! To me it sounds like you actually wanted her to be miffed that you are the one who has the partner now, but that's not happening because she's getting married as well. So now you're getting bent out of shape over other things.

About the 90/10 friendship thing. I may be able to offer some perspective because I am guilty of this sometimes and I'm aware of it, but it's a hard habit to break. I grew up with a parent who would obsessively question me about everything. It was like an interrogation every time I walked through the door. I can't stand being bombarded with questions so I try not to do it with other people. If I have something to share, I'll just do it and expect everyone else to do the same. So if I have a friend who doesn't want to play a proactive role in the conversation and expects me to pry information of out of her, it's probably never going to happen. So that would be my first question: how proactive are you in driving the conversation? Or are you waiting to be asked about your day while silently seething that she is "STILL talking about herself?". On the other hand, I've also been in situations where people are just asking me question after question about myself and as much as I would like to get to know them, I don't really have a chance to turn the conversation around to another topic and ask them about themselves.

Or she could very well just be rude. Not showing up for pre-arranged meetings is definitely flakey and a pet peeve of mine. But I've also come back to my hometown on many occasions and not had time to meet up with friends as much as I'd want to. Sometimes family stuff takes up so much time and you don't want a packed schedule from the minute you arrive until the minute you leave.

Hi

I think its becoming quite common for partners to only be invited to the evening celebrations unless they are mutyal friends of both the bride and groom. My OH and I have a lot of friends between us, many of them mutual friends, however our wedding is costing about £85pp so we agreed to invite our mutual couple friends and then our other 'own' friends we are only inviting their OH to the evening. Of course we would love to invite everyone but its just not possible. Same goes for cousins, unless we know their OH well they are only invited to the evening. We haven't given out invitations yet so hope it won't cause a lot of upset but sometimes that's just how it is, weddings cost a lot of money and we already have almost 100 daytime guests, and by adding on another 10+ OHs who we barely know it would just blow our budget completely.

Saying that though, our wedding is 10mins away from where we live so is much easier to get to for OHs and evening guests, so expecting evening only guests to travel 3hours isn't ideal in my opinion.

Maybe she is planning on a tight budget hence why you weren't bridesmaid or why your OH wasn't invited to the daytime.? I know we had over 2 years between our engagement and when our wedding is and we still have a tight budget so can imagine a shorter engagement would be harder to save for unless you are able to splash out easily. I'm sure there are valid reasons behind her choices so try not to get too worked up about it, and if there arent then still dont let it upset you, you have your own wedding to look forward to ?

Thanks for your response MrsP2Be86. It is interesting the view point you have taken as your response (which seems a little hostile) is completely different to everyone else's and the things you have picked up on are quite interesting but I am glad to hear this point of view.

I completely understand that there is a lot of people to please and people who are much more important than me hence why I asked on here to see if I was looking at it wrong as opposed to speaking to my friend first.

Obviously her relationship is serious as she is getting married so in no way am I saying it is not serious, I stated I was shocked at the speed in which they got engaged that's all. I am not saying mine is anymore serious than hers.

I never called her desperate, I said she was desperate to find her happy ever after that is a different thing, however maybe desperate was the wrong use of word.

I am in no way miffed that she has met someone she is a good friend and I was pleased for her, I don't want to see my friend unhappy and if I wanted to in your words "get one up on her" I would have told her I was engaged but I haven't so I don't really see what your point is there?

In regards to the 90/10 friendship, I think its quite rude of you to suggest I don't play a proactive role in a conversation and therefore our friendship. I think a conversation is a two way thing, the same as a friendship and it would be nice to be asked how are you? rather then have to go off talking about myself without enquiring about the other person. When I have tried to inject its only a matter of time before the conversation reverts back to herself and her ex's and usually something we had already discussed earlier in the conversation - what would you suggest some one does in that scenario? we all sit there talking about ourselves hoping that someone is listening? From what you have said you don't ask friends questions about themselves as you hate asking questions but you hate being asked questions also??

I understand that there are numbers to keep to as, like you said there has to be a cut off somewhere but I just feel as though it is more than just cost and numbers hence why I gave the back story but I think you have focused on the wrong part of the story really as that doesn't really impact on why my OH has not been invited to the whole day and why I have a gut feeling of feeling excluded.

The long and short of it is that she can invite whom ever she wants and doesn't have to answer to anyone about her decision but I thought it was a bit off.

Lepetitchateau - thanks for your response. Yes I am sure she has her reasons and that is fine, its her wedding. I haven't got to the stage of producing a guest lists so didn't realise that it was common to not invite couples to the same bit, suppose its good to know for when I have to go through this fun stage myself! haha.

Just for my own personal information have you followed that format for married couples if you know one half and not the other as I'm sure when I get to that stage I will have this battle myself. Having been on the receiving end of it, I would definitely tell the person before they receive the invitation though! haha. Suppose I was just shocked due to the recent communication via text and no mention of it and then the invitation arrived!

I suppose the distance is a big thing for my OH to go for an evening reception that starts at 8.30 and finishes at midnight just a little bit longer than the travel time one way!

It wasn't meant to be hostile. It was meant to be direct and matter-of-fact. I didn't imply you weren't being proactive in the conversation. I asked if you were being proactive, which is an important thing to reflect on. Only you know the answer to that question. I didn't answer it for you. For me, personally, if I have exciting news to share I will say "guess what happened to me today", rather than waiting for someone to ask "how was your day" and being upset afterwards that I didn't get to share my news. If you have something to say, you are allowed to just say it, rather than waiting to be given permission to do so. I do ask friends questions about themselves, and quite often, but what I don't like is the rapid fire series of questions one right after another. I've been in quite a few situations where that's happened and there isn't even a spare moment to ask "And what about you...?" before the next question is asked. And then I leave the conversation and realize I didn't even have a chance to ask the other person about themselves. I'm not saying you are doing either of those things, but those are two different scenarios where it may feel like the person is being self-absorbed when it's not the case.

People have different approaches to problem solving. Some people might need to talk through all the angles of a problem before they feel comfortable with it, which may be why she reverts to things she's already talked about. You said that she was very supportive during your bereavements but you stopped bringing things up that you really needed to discuss because you thought it might be a burden on her. This is why I thought to ask if you were proactively sharing your thoughts and allowing your friend to be there for you. You may think that "after awhile people may not want to keep talking about the same subject" but that is not true for everyone. A friend will want to support you, whether they are helping you get over a bereavement, or helping you sort through your past relationship issues. It only becomes an issue when the conversation becomes unhealthy and the person is dwelling on the subject rather than moving forward.

I think a lot of this frustration is because you are projecting your own way of thinking onto your friends action's, rather than taking them at face value. I was merely playing devil's advocate and offering another way to look at things. And your friend has made the decision to get engaged and have a wedding. If she was showing signs of uncertainty then of course, ask her if she is sure about the marriage. But if she's having a wonderful time and you're asking her "Are you SURE you want to marry this person after a short time?" then you're kind of insinuating that she hasn't thought it through and can't possibly have a serious enough relationship so soon to know whether he's right for her yet. It's really not an appropriate question to ask. That, and the statement about "she was always the one in a relationship and I had to listen to her talking about dating while I was always single" is where I got the idea that you are being judgemental about her relationship. There seems to be some resentment about that and that last statement in particular gives off a "but now it's my time to have the successful long-term relationship" vibe. Whether she knows you are engaged or not, it comes across like before she got engaged you were feeling that she was always flitting from one relationship to the next 'desperate to find her happy ending', while you bided your time and patiently waited for the right man, and now look who is the one who is in the successful relationship. And her getting engaged kind of turns that upside down, which I think is why you are feeling so negative about things and reading so much into it. She is probably blissfully enjoying her engagement and not comparing her relationship to yours. I could be completely wrong, but that is how it is coming across to me. You say you're happy for her, but there seems to be some annoyance/resentment simmering beneath the surface.

That's interesting that you have read into that way. I can assure you that there is no resentment that she is getting married so am I! so not sure what I could be resentful about. I always imagined my friend to get married before me as she is always in relationships and I am not so again not resentful as she is engaged and getting married before me. It was expected.

Yes, maybe I am projecting my own way of thinking onto the situation as I can only speak from personal experience and I was shocked at the speed of things however, that is none of my business.

And yes I did ask her if she is sure, but in my opinion if you are really sure, why would you get offended by that? I would be glad that a friend had asked and isn't just there to laugh at the good times, that is what a friend is for. A lot of our other mutual friends have said the exact same thing behind her back and being laughing with her to her face. As her friend I asked her as I am not two faced. She said she was and that was the end of it, nothing else to discuss.

The rest of my comments where the back storey as to why I feel there is more to my OH being excluded from the day and not just cost or numbers, again I think you are focusing on the wrong bit. In no way am I comparing my relationship to hers and I wouldn't expect her to do that to mine. The length of the relationship was purely mentioned to put the situation into context that although he is my boyfriend we have been together a long time and it is not a fleeting/ early days relationship which could be considered to be not very serious and therefore I wouldn't expect my OH to have an invite to the day.

Considering everything I have said about the one sidedness and the no shows and now the invite thing would you not feel a little negative about the situation considering you thought of the person as your best friend? I don't think I am being unreasonable and I don't see that as a result of resentment. But like I said in my very first post maybe I AM looking into it too much and being over sensitive. Maybe it purely is down to cost, numbers and not really knowing him which are all perfectly fine and valid reasons.

People can get engaged/married after a week or 10 years if that is what they want to do and if feels right for them but I am guessing you got engaged quite quickly into your relationship as you seem very defensive?

I appear to have a different opinion to most others as I personally wouldn't invite a good friend without their OH (provided it was a serious relationship and not just casually dating) We have planned our guest list and are restricted for daytime numbers and have the maximum so we have already told the singletons (as we haven't done plus 1's) that if they do happen to settle down between now and December then unfortunately we won't have room for them at the day, but they will be more than welcome to the evening. Our venue isn't fair from where our friends live so travel won't be an issue and I am (judgemental I know) assuming that even if they meet someone tomorrow it's only 8 months away so hopefully won't be too serious by then haha.

I didn't read into your post that you are jealous of your friend, just that you feel she isn't really "fair" and I don't blame you for asking her if she is sure, real friends DO ask these kind of questions and feel comfortable asking them, it's the fake friends that gossip behind her back.

Hi

Yes we have followed that format for married couples too. Luckily most of our married friends are those who are mutual friends, but I know a few of our own friends are married but we have still chosen to only invite their OH only to the evening, purely because we don't really know them and to put it bluntly we would rather have other closer friends there. We are making exceptions for married couples who have invited us both to their wedding purely out of respect of them having us, but as I said previously, luckily 95% of our married friends are mutual friends and we know both of them very well. Off the top of my head there are only 3 married friends who are on our guestlist who we are not inviting their OH to the daytime, one is my school friend who's OH I know as we all grew up together, my other school friends i dont know their OHs well at all so felt it better to invite none rather than invite some and not others.The other 2 married one's are my OHs friends from football, and he has never met their OH and probably couldn't even tell me their name to be honest lol. We have been really strict with our guest list and have had to be as we just can't afford to invite everyone, and im sure people will understand.

If you have been with your partner for a significant amount of time and living together, then he should 100% be invited. I think that it is rude to invite someone without their partner who they have been with for years and living with. If it's down to budget, give the couple an evening invite not one half of the couple. It's different if they've only recently been together. Just my personal opinion!

Then you would be inaccurate. And I don't think you are resentful of your friend getting married. You're friends so of course you would be happy for her. Maybe it's different in the UK, but where I'm from, if the person hadn't exhibited any signs of uncertainty, asking if she was sure she wanted to get married would come off as passive aggressive. (Although I've lived here for quite some time and it seems to have the same meaning on both sides of the Atlantic). And you have made quite a few passive aggressive comments to me in this thread already which I don't think were warranted, so it's not like it's outside the realm of possibility.

Based on the way you've described the dynamics of your friendship I'm sure you were looking forward to being the one with the relationship that is center stage for once (once you announced your engagement) and the conversations being focused on your dating life (or wedding planning in this case). And in a way that's been taken away from you by your friend getting engaged at the same time. I don't think it's wrong of you to feel that way. It's very natural. I think it's just helpful to recognize it if that's the case. Just like your friend may very well be a self-centered cow. But there could also be other reasons why conversations usually go the way they do and each person plays an equal role in how the friendship plays out. I just think it's important to think about things from different angles before jumping to the worst case scenario.

I cringe every time you use the phrase "where I'm from" or the equivalent, MrsP2Be86. We're from the same area, and I often don't agree with your generalizations. You can speak from your own experience without speaking on behalf of an entire geographical area.

It's interesting you read it that way, because at the risk of sounding argumentative I would say that it's actually you MrsP2Be that has been passive aggressive in this conversation.

You seem to have taken the whole thread very personally and have made some rather mean comments to the original poster.

I would think that wherever in the world you like asking a good friend if they are sure about a seemingly rushed engagement is perfectly acceptable, as I said before it is what good friends do and I would certainly expect it of my very good friends if it was me.

Reading your past posts about your bridesmaid planning her wedding the week after yours actually made me feel that you feel the way about that situation as you are making out CeCe feels. Maybe you do, maybe you don't. However get off your soapbox and stop being so judgemental!

Lepetitchateau- thanks for your response, like I said it's good to know what people are doing as I will have to think about it myself.

Katjo, DB2016 - again thank you for your response, nice to know that I am not completely looking at it from the wrong point of view, if I was, then fair enough, hence why I would ask on here to see what everyone else thought from a wedding planning point of view but also from a 'none bride just a friend' point of view.

DB2016 I agree with everything you have said!

MrsP- again thanks for your reply as it is always good to hear different view points and if I am not prepared to hear different opinions you don't ask on a forum!Haha.

However, I disagree with the majority of what you have said. One momemt you call me resentful and then the next minute you say i am not! I don't really understand the term 'passive aggressive' so not quite sure what you are accusing me of being. If I understand it right it is making digs about someone but not having the courage to say directly what you feel. If that is correct then I don't think I have shown evidence of that to my friend because, as I mentioned I had a big heart to heart where I said what I thought directly to her face (which you said was inappropriate) so how is that being passive aggressive? Again, like Ash953 said it has nothing to do with where you are from. she is my friend, met this guy very quickly and got engaged I asked her if she was sure, i am being a friend and checking she is ok and happy, i would expect her to do the same to me and wouldnt be offended if a friend i had known 20 years asked me i am sure about marrying a guy, i would be pleased she cared enough to check. I never said anything that wasnt blatently obvious, she hadnt know him long and it was very quick so i cant see why me stating the facts is considerd inappropriate or offensive?? She answered yes and we moved on. If you are still focusing on the use of the word 'desperate' then I think I have explained that already.

Not sure which part of my post you have thought I have been passive aggressive towards you?? Do you consider me seeking clarification on one of your points to be passive aggressive?

I have to say that i think you have gone off on a tangent on points that werent the main point of the post and were given purely to put the reason for my question into context and in all your responses you havent actually answered my question as to whether you think my OH should have been invited to the whole day or not!!! I seriously think I have written something , which has hit a nerve and you have taken it very personal, I agree with DB2016 and I think you got quite personal with me and I have read a number of your other responses and I am trying not to get personal with you but maybe you have been in a similar scenario but in the position of Sarah in terms of friendship with others? But to summarise from what you have said my friend has no fault in this scenario at all and I am basically a rubbish friend who is passive aggressive, doesn't contribute to our conversation /friendship, I don't allow friends to be there for me, I want the limelight on me and want to get one up on my friend, i'm resentful and I am jealous! Wow! talk about a character assassination! And all that from a couple of posts. From what you have said it's probably best my OH and I don't go to any part of the wedding and probably best if Sarah and i end the friendship as she would be better off with out me!

With that being said maybe Sarah is looking at it the same way you are and therefore it's quite clear that there is more to it than just cost and numbers so my gut instinct was correct!

Pinkx it made me laugh that you got a plus one but only for you mum!

I know people are restricted by costs and venue numbers so I think it's acceptable to only invite people's OH to an evening do but think they should explain this to them That said, if I was in your situation and my OH wasn't invited to the day then unless I knew several people going to the day, I would only go to the evening.

At least you know where you stand with her for when it comes to planning your wedding

So a complete stranger should be invited over more of the couples friends so people don't stand out?

I still don't see the issue with being a day guest and OH being an evening guest - people have girls days followed by being joined in the evening by OH whats the difference at a wedding? I doubt the OP will be the only one who is a full day guest with OH coming in the evening.

Personally I think that if you invite a close friend you should invite their partner if they are married/long term/living together, no matter how well you know the partner. It's just polite! I know money and space is often an issue but I think partners should be invited for the sake of your close friends/family members, so they don't have to come alone. We are only having a small wedding but have invited partners even if we've only met them a couple of times, some I haven't met at all!

That's just my opinion, I realise everyone has different expectations and these days anything goes really with regards to wedding planning but I can understand why you are annoyed, especially as she didn't say anything to you in person about it.

My view- if I want someone to come and celebrate my relationship then I need to show respect for their relationship (provided it's long term or they're engaged or living together) and that means inviting their partners to the full day whether I know them or not.

That being said although she was imo rude, it's her choice who to invite and it would also be rude to mention it to her. Your choice if you're unhappy is to decline the invite/ just go in the evening.

I don't think I've ever mentioned a specific area. Maybe a state or a city. But as I'm sure you know the U.S. is a diverse place and things can be different from one town to the next. So "where I'm from" can be accurate for my experiences and completely different for yours. I'm not speaking for you. I've lived in many different parts of the U.S. for work (NYC, LA, Boston, and now DC) and have friends from all over. Their experiences and traditions, as well as most of what I see on U.S. wedding websites, echo my own. But your experience is clearly different. It doesn't make it any more "correct" or "better" though. It's completely your prerogative to disagree, but "cringe" is a little bit rude and over dramatic. Oh well, each to their own.

I'm having a multicultural wedding, which means MY culture (not yours) will be a part of it and will come up in conversations. And 99% of the time when I mention it on this website I am either talking about my personal wedding plans or offering an alternative/out-of-the-box suggestion for users who haven't found the typical solutions helpful. And I think there are people here who appreciate new ideas and perspectives that are a little different from their own. You are welcome to offer your perspective as well.

I answered the OP's question with my opinion, because she asked for opinions. Everyone is free to disagree, or not even listen. But now for whatever reason you feel the need to personally insult me which I don't feel is in the spirit of this website.

Mrs p- not quite sure if your last response was directed towards me or towards Ash953??

Anyway thank you all for you comments it's very interesting to see all the differing opinions. I love a good discussion and I love to ask questions and I think for most (me included definately) the world of wedding planning is a weird and wonderful one and it's interesting to see what others are doing and what rules are being followed.

As I have said all along my friend can do whatever she wants to do it her wedding. I think it was just the shock of receiving the invitation with no forwarning (again I suppose she doesn't have to explain herself to me, much more important people than me!) of my OH not being invited to the day but again I think it's alot to do with the distance that we have to travel for a relatively short time for my OH and what he will do on his own while I'm at the wedding.

All mine and Sarah other mutual friends are married but Sarah doesn't know their husbands any better than my OH hence why I asked about your decisions re: married couples.

Again, thanks for taking the time to respond x

At the risk of being on the receiving end of another long and boring reply...

I'm telling you that when you do something, it makes me cringe. That is not an insult, it's a fact.

Perhaps this is why you have such an issue with your future in-laws. Your lack of self-awareness coupled with an ease of being insulted means you'll be more likely to have issues integrating with another culture and family. Start taking feedback as constructive, take the relevant feedback on board, and grow a thicker skin.

Wow, your arrogant tone and attitude really says a lot more about you than it does me. The funny thing is you seem to have a very good idea about who I am and follow my posts, but I don't even remember you, or that you were from the same area. That's how little you are on my radar. I could easily provide you with links to Emily Post or Marta Stewart that show that most of the traditions you so vehemently disagree with are in fact, traditions. If you've had a different experience feel free to share, but I really don't see why you are so hostile about it. I can speak generally without speaking for every individual person. And that's why we have this forum to share ideas. There are plenty of girls on here who talk about how everyone they know in a specific country or region does one thing and no one else gents bent out of shape about it.

I realize the expat experience can be tough and maybe you feel the need to separate yourself as different and not like other Americans (as if being American is a negative thing). That's a shame, but it's not my problem. I've done very well when mixing with well-traveled people of all nationalities. The issue with my in-laws is they're from a more insular area, but they're still very nice people. We'll get there in time.

You're missing the point, again. I do not feel the need to separate myself out as different and not like other Americans. I am saying that I am American too and you make gross generalisations (based on being from a certain place) which just do not hold true.

This is my last post on this thread on this issue. I hope you take the feedback on board, but no doubt you won't because you haven't been able to take any feedback constructively on this thread.