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Hard though it is i would stop the texts and the calls, and let him come to you. if he doesnt respond within say, 4 days, i would call him, and if he doesnt pick up, leave a message that says you need to have a chat, and to call you back. if he does answer, ask him to come round, or better still, you go to him, then you are in charge of the timings. if he doesnt respond as you would like to that etc, then i think you s hould assume that its off. if its normal for him to communicate with you regularly, and he isnt, then something is clearly wrong, and you have every right to know what that is.

dont be a doormat though, and dont keep ringing/texting. you have yourself to look after remember.

I agree with Nick. ?

Sorry you are going through this Sparks and I really hope there is a reasonable explanation for it. After your post a few days ago, I'm not surprised you are confused. x

I agree with Nick. If normally he is very responsive and suddenly he isn't, there is something wrong, but it might not be what you think. I would ease up on the texts and calls and see if he contacts you. If he doesn't, I would say that you need to talk. Don't mention your worries about thinking he's gone off with someone else etc, just say that you have noticed he has been a bit different to usual and you wondered if there was anything wrong.

I hope that you get an explanation of some kind, you don't deserve to be left hanging like this.

I don't think you are overreacting tbh but that doesn't mean there IS actually something going on. I think it is reasonable to expect an explanation as to why he has been cold though if eg he is just busy it might take a while for him to give you the explanation - in the meantime, try not to think about it too much and remember you are probably too good for him anyway ?

Is it possible to arrange to meet for dinner or somewhere and have a chat about it? Just explain rationally that you have felt weird vibes form him of late and due to your past you are worried but don't want to be getting paranoid/irrational etc so would rather it be out in the open - hopefully have a frank discussion about it. Maybe he's just stressed with work/busy/hates Christmas ? It could well be something straight forward but I think you need to meet to find out what it is.

Maybe he does want a bit of space? That isn't the end of the world either and absence can make the heart grow fonder. If it takes a couple of days of no contact if eg he said he wanted some space, it might make him realise how fab you are and if it didn't then it's his loss.

Oh Sparks, I'm sorry to hear this.

As the others have said I'd lay off the texts and calls, but I know that is easier said than done. To be honest, if it were me, I'd have already asked what his problem was and had I done something wrong. That's me, head first all guns blazing and usually end up getting nowhere.

Try leaving it for a day or so, then if he doesn't contact you and you are going out of your mind, ask to meet up and for him to be honest with you. It might be something related to family or friends, or this time of year, he might need time to get his head together but whatever it is, you need to know ?

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I too agree with what the others have said, you need to start being so desperate for his company and make him come to you, if he doesn't then you need to have it out because you went through such a horrible time before and you need to sort it, i don't blame you for having those thoughts go through your mind, it's understandable with everything you've been through but I think it's very mean of him to not reply to you.

I txt my friend all the time and some days he has quiet days where he has a lot on his plate and just doesnt want to txt. Maybe he has a lot on with work at the moment?

Its hard as no one wants to be alone so I think that is probably why you are so worried but if you can do what others have suggested and let him come to you it might work.

If you are txting him all the time he knows you are there for him and wont need to reply back to know you are there. If you stop txting him then he will txt you because he needs you. Make sense?

I'm with Nick on this. I think, given your background, it's likely that you are blowing it out of proportion. What would b 20% to anyone else is likely to be 80% on your scale (does that make sense). However, he knows this so really should be mindful of that. Do you think there' a chance he was p'd off at you being out those nights, or is he not like that at all?

Anyway, I'd back off a little and wait for him to contact you or if you do feel the need to contact him arrange to meet and say that you want to have a chat. Don't carry on like this or you'll just turn yourself in a wreck and posibly go a bit psycho!

Hey Sparks,

Sorry to hear about you and TT, hopefully its just a blip.

One thing though . . . you haven't been together that long. Is it perhaps a bit soon to be talking about children ? I'm sure after a romantic evening and a couple of glasses of wine, it all seemed like a wonderful idea, but maybe in the cold light of day, he saw things differently.

I know this is pure speculation on my part, but it sort of leapt out at me.

His behaviour does seem to have changed rapidly, so you need to sit him down for a talk.

So he talks about having children with you and then that very week you go out without him for three nights on the trot?

I suspect he's frightened himself with the seriousness of his feelings for you, then he's (wrongly) got the hump about the fact that it appears you don't need him as much as he needs you. That is to say, you have a social life without him and are independant from him some of the time.

He is now protecting himself by distancing himself from you, whilst punishing you for going out by making you think it's actually him you who doesn't need you. It's a bit PA and he's very much in the wrong, but it's a self preservation thing I suspect.

I would leave it 24 hours to give him a chance to realise he's being a prick, then call and say that you need to talk and clear the air.

I completely agree, I think he's probably scared himself off too. It's a big step for anyone and maybe he hadn't even thought about it until that night so realising it was what he wants has been a shock.

I hope it is something simple that a chat and hug can fix. ?

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You don't sound pathetic. I agree he has maybe freaked himself out as to a) how serious he is about you and is scared maybe he is frightening you off or b) he maybe surprised himself and wants time to sort out his feelings as in he didn;t realise how serious he felt. H does the same and then clams up about it until I nag him into submission I manage to get a sensible conversation out of him.

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yes, if sparkley was 12.

perhaps i am old, and perhaps i am grumpy, but texting seems to me to be so fraught with problems in terms of the capacity for miscommunication. I m sure sparks isnt doing this, but conducting anything more than "i ll be 5 mins late" or similar, seems like a recipe for disaster to me, which is borne out on many threads here eg "i txt her this and she txt me that, i m livid, she s livid" etc.

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On a slightly different note Sparks, don't change your social habits unless it's what YOU want to do.

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You don't sound pathetic at all, Sparkley. It sounds as though you're getting mixed signals, which is enough to make the sanest of us go a little freaky.

If it's any consolation though, I was away last night, and sent my (normally very responsive and affectionate) H a couple of texts to which he didn't reply.

I was going to add a little note to say that 3 times in a row is probably not the norm, it is christmas afterall but I wasn't so sure about you lol!

I dropped most of my friends when I met MrSun, they weren't very nice girls really anyway so no harm done to be honest but 13 years later and he's out twice a week playing sports and maybe once or twice a month playing poker or going out with the lads and it makes you realise that you could do with some mates to go out with.

Having read this I agree with Nick & Janna, I would give him a few days and if you heard from him just give him a call and ask if everything is ok as he has been distant.

IMO it sounds like he just needs a bit of time (we all do sometimes) however he is being quite rude bu not calling etc when you would normally hear from him.

? i hope you sort tings out

Errrr... no, not at all. loml or I might easily do this. We'd miss each other and really look forward to the next night we were together, but there is NO reason whatsoever that this is not acceptable.

Last weekend, for instance, loml wanted to go and visit a mate in Newcasle; I had a party to go to in London. So we went our separate ways and didn't see each other until late Sunday night; tonight I'm out again so he's on his own. It isn't, and shouldn't be, a problem.

Reading the thread, I was thinking almost word for word what Janna has written.

Don't text him (and definitely don't txt him ?). If he hasn't called by later tonight, I'd pick up the phone and call him. Sounds to me like he's every bit as frightened as you are. I hope it works out for you gorgeous, and please please, never change. ?

Adding to the '3 nights out in a row' thing, i don't think it's excessive, nor do I think you should turn down things because you think you should. But then I jet off to Ibiza for a week and leave poor H at home with the cat?

I won't ever change, I just like to compare myself to Carrie Bradshaw - 'Can I really have it all?' Great job, fabulous social life, wonderful man?????

Gah! It's hard work!

Anyway, I will let you know what happens, thanks ?

Oh and ATG - good for you, I remember us discussing Ibiza before ?

And Sophie, I didn't realise you & loml sometimes spent whole weekends apart. How many times a week to you 'normally' see each other?

? to all

We generally spend 5 or 6 nights a week in the same place - about 2 at his flat and 3 or 4 at mine. But that might be him getting home from gym at 10 and us grabbing a bite to eat and going straight to bed - it's not a full-on "date". It's a weird hybrid - living together but not. But yes, we're both aways a fair bit with work and stuff, and obviously have separate nights out, and it's not an issue at all, and rightly so imo.

Sparks, Mr JK and I are married with children, and some weeks we don't spend more than three evenings together. We sleep in the same bed most nights certainly, but if he's abroad, I sometimes don't manage even a text every day. It's just how we are, it's not for everyone, but we're both just very socially independent. It suits us.