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I don't think it's really possible to answer without understanding the actual underlying issue, sorry.

L
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I'd support my H and go with his request, I think.

Not because I'd want to but because it sounds like he'll be more hurt if you aren't by his side.

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To be honest it is difficult to say what i would do as i do not know what has gone on between your pil and yourselves. If it is a minor thing then a would just go ahead and be myself. I would not be one to dwell on the past. Would it be something you think you could ignore and get on with it? Not much help really!!

I think we need to know a bit more information to be able to answer.

What Lois said i'm afraid. In most situations, if my H really wants me to do something then I'll go along with it to make him happy, unless I feel very strongly.

I would go with my H to show solidarity with him and a united front for the in-laws

Same here, in the past my inlaws have (in my opinion) treated H very unfairly to the advantage of his sister. They too are in favour of ignoring any issues and my fil in particular believes that we are not to question him in any way, he is the head of the family and can do exactly what he likes. It really winds me up and i know how much their behaviour towards H has and on occasion still does, upset him. Naturally I feel much the same in the 'wanting to shake them and make them wake up and listen for once' stakes and there was a time when I really could not trust myself not to say something so avoided seeing them as much as possible.

However i'd rather bite my tongue and support my H by going with him to see them than send him out there on his own to face them. As much as you don't want to to, if he really needs you to be there i'd try and step up to the plate and do it, not for them for a second but for him.

Best of luck it sounds to me as though your inlaws are cut from the same cloth as mine and I know how frustrating that can be.?

As everyone else says, it depends what's gone on in the past.

Agree it's hard to tell without circs but I go through similar things with mine!

From my side, I have actually spoken to them about any situation and been calm in trying to put my point across? Is this something you can do? I knwo you said they tend to sweep stuff under the carpet etc but this might help being more open.

If it is a really bad situ and they have upset you to a point which if you face them you are not going to be able to be polite (I have been there and totally understand) don't go and see them.

Sorry you have to go through this though, it's hard isn't it when it is your IL's it's not the same as dealing with your own family.

I think I agree with Zebra. Your H has asked you to go and they're his parents and therefore the issue is essentially his issue, unless it's something that affects you more than it does him (eg if you were black and they made racist comments, say). I think your reasons for not going aren't really good enough - if he was going to raise the issue with them again and you'd rather not be there, I'd say fair enough, but he's asked for your support.

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As the issue seems mainly to be with SIL then I would suck it up and go with your H for support.

Do they bring up the SIL issues when you're there? If they don't and would rather not discuss the matter can you not do this also?

I appreciate it must be unbelievably frustrating but if you don't have to see them that often then I would go to save creating any problems between you and your H.

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OK, I can see how they are in a tricky situation. If that was me, I would be looking to have no contact with the sister, which I presume is the case, and to not discuss her with the in laws. Beyond that, I think they are in a tricky situation. No one wants to back one child over another, so it seems like they are bowing out of the whole issue.

If they are ok to get on with, and they won't be discussing their daughter, I can't really see the problem with visiting them. I don't think the sister should ruin your H's relationship with their parents.

L
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