2 and half months to go and no hen party and no stag do :\

There's no rule saying the stag/hen dos have to be organised by the BM and MOH - we're organising our own.

Why not organise it yourselves? That way the pressure is off and you know you'll get a good do. We are organising our own as we know what we do (and don't!) want so it just seems easier all round.

I'm in the the process of organising my own shag (joint hen and stag do) because my bm's weren't listening to me and mr. winters best men are too busy. and it looks like our wedding party (bms ushers etc) won't even be there as they're either broke or busy and to be honest we're going to struggle to afford anything other than the local rock club ourselves. so i guess i've actually just sorted it. mr. winter and i are going to the adge, and if people can afford it, they can join us! boom!

i understand your annoyance. *hugs* maybe organise yourself?

We both organised our own. In fact I dont know any one who's married who didn't organise their own. The bridesmaids or best men just sorted the extra surprises like fancy dress or games or gifts etc. Do what's right for you. You know your friends, if you dont think you'll Get what you want do it yourself, its your wedding. Its pprobably not as high on their priority list.

I would love too. It would be a matter of now trying to convince my OH who still says we should cut him some slack and give him a few weeks. I might ultra sneaky about it and plan anyway, I can place a good wager something will go tits up and good to have a backup plan. Might nick your 'shag' do idea!

Mine was organised in about 2 weeks before the event as was OH's I wouldn't worry unless you have your hearts set on a big blow out abroad.

I also was quite hands on with the organising so if you both stressing about it just step in with the organising too.

Yeah i will admit i'm a control freak. it does help that everyone (other members of the wedding party and family) keeps asking whats going on with the stag/hen do and i have no info for them. Its making me fret a little

My friend has a 'shag'! It included hens v stags painball :-)

We've always wanted a joint thing really- i have like, maybe 2 friends who are female, and all the rest of my friends are boys. i don't enjoy girly pursuits etc, so a joint thing made sense. orginally, we wanted to have just the wedding party over to have a night of action films; terminator, predator, expendables etc, but my BM's threw a wobbly saying i had to have a proper hen and the boys said mr winter had to have a proper stag. so for a while we let the issue be. however, initially bm's were coming up with awful ideas 'a spa day' or 'cocktail making' (i don't drink and i hate the idea of a spa day ) and the boys came up with diddly. fast forward to now, less than six weeks from the wedding itself and despite all their protestations, no one has organised anything.

i was just going to let it slide and have nothing because tbh we've never been that bothered ourselves, it's always been our friends more than us, but we're both SO stressed with the wedding now, it's gotten to the point it feels like neither of us are likely to actually enjoy the day itself, SO we're aiming for something uber cheap, very local and relaxed (as i said probs local rock club), which is relaxed and not formal and stoic which we can actually ENJOY! lol

i wager it'll probably be me, mr winter, my brother (the best man) and our usher and his girlfriend, exactly the same line up as my bday hahaha!

Yeah miss winter, you seem to be in the same boat as me. I just get this feeling with OH in a half denial state is setting himself up for disappointment

Oh bless him if i were you, i'd def organise something and just tell him you're oganising him a boys day treat. that way he gets a stag, but doesn't seem like you're usurping the best man......

i did that for mr. winter's bday (captain usher SAID he was organising that) and it ended up that my 'treat' was all that happened on the day. and he loved it go karting, go ape, cinema and bbq- i am genius! lol

Not to be rude but if you want one get of your asses and do it yourselves lol

at least that way you get what you want and if you BMS/GMs want to organize a party or something nothing forbids you from having 2 but it saves the disappointment of not having any

I never understand this idea that parents should pay or parents/bms/gms should organize parties for you, your not a child anymore so your fully capable of sorting it yourself, I personally would find it rude to even assume someone else would take charge of something that's not even for them especially if (as you said) they have a lot going on in their own lives. weddings seem to bring the selfish side out of people (not necessarily nasty side but self absorbed) the unfortunate truth is other people probably dont care even half as much as you do about this so having them just show up should be enough without expecting them to do everything as well

I agree it's wrong to assume other people will do it, and i don't know about the circumstances of OP, but in my personal case, we were TOLD not to do anything, bm's/best men/ushers etc, WANTED to do it and we weren't allowed. despite our protestations that we just wanted a movie night.

i think it is poor form to expect others to do it just because they're in the wedding party, but if they offer/assure/demand to be allowed to organise it themselves, it's annoying when they then don't do anything AND not tell you. life get's in the way for us all and they may not have time to do something they once begged to, but it's not fair if they then don't tell the bride/groom, thus giving them the reins back....

my two cents anyways

Truth be told I would love too, letting others wasn't something I was keen on. But then comes the puppy dog eyes, you don't trust me do you? But its tradition, why are getting rid of all the traditions? Yadda yadda to the point I was fine, you want the job so badly then be my guest! I'm currently juggling 3 suppliers here at the moment so go nuts. Then radio silence. And if I don't get a hen do I don't care, but what is bugging me that my OH being let down by his best friend and best man. They're been on a bumpy road at the moment and I can see my OH patience wearing thin.

Sorry if this getting ranty, I just need to get this off my chest.

(typing with my new tablet so spelling and missing words are extra sketchy! D: )

We organised our own.

There is a lot of pressure on CBM and BM to organise a huge event, it doesn't need to be a big expensive weekend affair, it could just be a night out down the pub or afternoon tea.

I would give him a chance - the wedding is still two months away.

Ok then maybe you could take the advice of some on here then and consider something like a joint party for you and OH (if your worried about offending then dont call it a Hen/Stag party call it something else) that way you get a special night even if they dont manage to sort one for you and you can personally have more say in it (I would hate someone organizing my hen without me lol)

some simple ideas:

a meal out

a pub crawl

the cinema (our local odeon has a bar in it so you can drink during the film, as does one in the next city)

bowling

go karting or lazer tag

wine tasting (or whiskey/vodka/cocktail/beer tasting)

swimming (if you live near a water park)

theme park/zoo (everyboy loves a day out at a theme park or zoo)

you could word it as a pre-wedding mixer for the important members of the wedding or something along those lines

We are getting married in February and my OH still hasn't sorted his stag do! According to him he has "ages" to plan it yet ha. He will get a shock on 1st Jan when I say "we are getting married next month" ha. He wants to fit two in as well. Blokes just have zero urgency when it comes to these things.

Both mine were 100% planned by my BMs though and I don't know anything about them. So at least one of us is sorted.