3 pieces of advice sought

Wow your cake sounds amazing! So its a piece of masterpiece decoration not a cake. I don't see any problem as long as I get to eat cake to be honest. Lol. If your really bothered could the tier you cut be real? Either way I don't see it matters.

As for suits and rings I think my advise to anyone about anything is have what you want. Do you both like exactly the same? Sme colour different style wouldwork, as would matching suits, as would matching suits but each with different ties etc.

My ring and my oh rings are nothing remotely like each other. You have to wear it for a long time so I say have what you each like and don't worry they don't match

Suits in colours that compliment each other would be equally nice.

I think your wedding should be a celebration of two individuals coming together in love and if that means your individual taste is wanting the same or different then either is fine because that's you and no one is having to compromise. If that makes sense.

My brother married his husband a few months ago. Their rings didn't match and neither did their suits. My brother wore a kilt and his husband a beige linen suit. They both looked so handsome.

Re cake. I never feel cheated by cake. I would think it's a bit OTT to have 7 tiers. Also, how easy is it to cut into polystyrene?

^ this

I can't imagine it being particularly easy to cut polystyrene? Could you have 6 fake tiers and one real tier so it's easier for you to cut? But no I definitely wouldn't feel cheated if I was served a different cake - cake is cake!

With regards to the rings a lot of people don't have matching wedding rings these days - you should go for what you like!

Same with the suits, I think if you want different suits it'll look just as nice as if you had matching - I'd hope that everyone attending would know you both well enough to know you aren't brothers regardless of suits haha!

Hi Roger,

I would say that you should wear whatever type of suit you want. My h2b has asked the grooms men to wear a suit they already own so no-one in our bridal party will match. We are just going to tie it all together with a matching tie and buttonhole.

As for the cake, no-one will know any different if you don't tell them. Get it sliced up in the kitchen and brought back out later. If anyone feels cheated and they tell you, that says more about them than you!

I think a piece of jewellry that you will wear for the rest of your lives should be exactly what you want. If you wanted them to have a connection maybe you could have the same engraving on the inside.

Thankyou all for your replies.

Above all, I really want to order my ring now haha! I was terrible and went to try it on, well that was dangerous. The OH likes it too, but as he has smaller (pianists) fingers, he has to have a softer metal which can be adjusted down to size.

I know 7 tiers sounds OTT, but the design can handle it. We are having a very low key wedding, only 28 guests in the day. I'm not necessarily going to say it is a budget wedding, but we aren't having many frills if that makes sense? I've made wedding cakes in the past for friends, and now the 'mine has to be better' mindset has come in haha. You might say that my 7 tier polystyrene masterpiece is my extravagance. We have shown our design to 1 special friend (we aren't having a wedding party per-se, no best men etc, but we have chosen an usher), and she thinks it is stunning.

In terms of cutting the polystyrene, I will have it pre-cut before the icing goes over, so its really just a knife going through icing - it will look the same to the photographer.

Thankyou all for your replies.

Above all, I really want to order my ring now haha! I was terrible and went to try it on, well that was dangerous. The OH likes it too, but as he has smaller (pianists) fingers, he has to have a softer metal which can be adjusted down to size.

I know 7 tiers sounds OTT, but the design can handle it. We are having a very low key wedding, only 28 guests in the day. I'm not necessarily going to say it is a budget wedding, but we aren't having many frills if that makes sense? I've made wedding cakes in the past for friends, and now the 'mine has to be better' mindset has come in haha. You might say that my 7 tier polystyrene masterpiece is my extravagance. We have shown our design to 1 special friend (we aren't having a wedding party per-se, no best men etc, but we have chosen an usher), and she thinks it is stunning.

In terms of cutting the polystyrene, I will have it pre-cut before the icing goes over, so its really just a knife going through icing - it will look the same to the photographer.

For the suits, I think matching would be nice, if that's what you want, but possibly with mismatch in there. So that on the surface (trousers and jacket) you're a couple but then maybe waistcoat/buttonholes/tie is different to represent your differences? In a heterosexual couple they tend to try to match up, so I don't see why there would be an issue with this.

For the rings, if you have found a ring that you love then I think you should go with it. That is, if you think you'll be upset that you didn't for the sake of matching. You could get an engraving (I'm thinking internal) that matches to make it feel connected in a different way. This is my idea for me and OH, whether our rings end up matching or not

For the cake, I think that polystyrene will make an AWFUL noise when being cut... the idea of having a layer that you cut that is actual cake is a good idea And that I wouldn't mind if you wanted a display cake and then have trays of cake to be cut and distributed - infact this is an idea that I find a lot of helping with budget so it must be relatively well used!

On the other hand, if you have the space, a lot of cakes are freezable so if you wanted tips for making the cake up beforehand this would be an option And of course sugar decorations would keep, too!

I hope that this helps, a seven tier cake sounds incredible, can you flash your inspiration?

This has been the inspiration, but will be modified to our tastes.

I personally never do an even number of tiers - hence a 7th tier / a topper will be added. The reason we have ruled out a real tier is really timing, im not sure I will be relaxed enough in the run up to the day to realise the vision to a standard that I am happy to show off. Lots of people saying we will be rushed off our feet, and giving a day over to a single tier of cake doesnt necessaily seem the best use of time.

Just a thought. With the suits would you be hiring or buying, because if you are buying, one of the good things about grooms suits is that its possible they can be used again, its fine to do matching for your wedding -but would it look odd if you were then to wear them matching at other events, so if you used non matching you would get more future use out of them.

Thanks Bill - an excellent point.

Neither of us owns a decent suit, so we are indeed planning to buy. I think we have an answer now!

Sounds great.

There's florist foam stuff that would cut easier than polystyrene in case you miss the mark.

The run up to our wedding was chaos, and if I had to make a cake as well, I'd have died. (There was a moment where I was ugly crying on our kitchen floor at midnight the day before I flew out because our puppydog had a minor ailment.) My husband's aunt made our wedding cake, and even though she's made many wedding cakes, she found it high pressured as it was her nephew's wedding.

Hi Roger

So excited to hear about your wedding - here's my two pence for what its worth

1. Suits

I wouldn't worry too much about looking like brothers in matching suits. If you're really worried, why not dress you two in matching suits (eg grey) and any Ushers in a different colour (eg black)

Or , you could both have the same coloured waistcoat/tie/ruche/whatever to make sure you tie into each other

2. Rings

My FI really wanted to make sure our rings matched. Well... my ER is white gold, but this is way too soft for what he needs. We've looked at Platinum but it's crazy expensive just for a band, so we're looking at his ring being something stronger like cobalt or tungsten. I don't think matching rings are the be all and end all. Mine will also be a totally different width to his - I know it would be nice to match as you are both men, but I don't think it will make that much difference in the long run. You both need a ring you love - you'll be wearing it forever!

3. Cake

I'm looking at making our cake too. Ours is only 3 tier, but I get where you're coming from. Have you considered mixing real and dummy cakes? The two larger tiers at the bottom could be real to feed your guests and cut, with the other 5 polystyrene dummies?

It's that or book a couple of days off work to make your masterpiece. Once covered, the cakes are good for a fair while. I did a Wedding cake course last year and that cake was still fresh over a week after I cut it. It was good

I hope this helps and I'd love to see a picture of your cake vision!

I wouldn't go for matching suits. Both of you should wear something you have set your eyes on and feel happy with. Same goes for the rings. You will be wearing them for the rest of your lives, so go for something you really love. If that happens to be the same ring, great. If not, it certainly won't affect your marriage.

Thanks everyone, you've been very helpful indeed.

It's amazing how chewing the cud on t'internet can help clear things up

I'm so pleased to see a thread from another gay wedding :-)

Regarding suits - we have not gone for matching, neither of us wanted to be matching and we like slightly different styles anyway. What we've ended up doing is going for suits that are the same brand, and similar cut and type of fabric but different colours. I would like to find something that ties them in a bit better which may be same bow tie but not sure if we could get one that matches both of our looks, so this is still something we have to address!

Rings - what we've done is have essentially the same ring (though mine is one size larger) but the finish is different - mine is brushed and his is polished. So they are somewhat matching but with a slight variation - would that be possible for you?

Cake - hard to comment on this as we're just having a nice cake not a multi-tiered wedding cake, as we only have 10 guests! My thought though is that it's a lot of added stress for you to be making it so consider whether or not that's the best idea...

Hi Goujon,

I return your view - I thought I was the only gay guy on here! When is your date? 3rd June here. We've now in fact ordered totally different rings, but we are both happy.

The suits we think we will go complimentary on suits, but very much see what happens on the day we go shopping. I have in my mind this very bridal idea that I will try on a few, but will fall in love with one, so very cliche!

The cakes we have such fixed ideas, that the OH and I will have to deal with it.

7th of May, a very small one though with not very much of the traditional stuff so not too much left to arrange.

As long as you're happy that's the main thing, big thing for me was comfort - the designs I liked the look of initially, when I tried them on I was very conscious of wearing a ring and it didn't feel comfortable so going very simple and plain worked much better.

I couldn't be further from a bride - I just wanted to get something that I felt I look pretty decent in that I can wear again in different ways, will need to have some bits tailored closer to the time though. I still need to find an 'athletic fit' stretch shirt without having to spend £115 on a Thomas Pink one too!

We have agreed on a cake, as it's for a small number of people it's just going to be a nice cake, not a 'wedding' cake! Haven't ordered yet though.