5ish months to go - not engaged - worrying!

I don't think that 5 months is crazy at all, providing you are having a small wedding, which, as your OH has these anxiety issues, I'm assuming that you will be having. Have you found out what his actual issues are?

As for being asked, again, have you spoken about it with your OH??? I'm not sure that him 'proposing' will live up to your expectations though...(I'm not saying that you have unreasonable expectations, it's just if the proposal isn't such a surprise, or he simply follows what you have already told him, without thinking for himself, you might end up feeling disappointed.

I quite like the idea of a secret engagement, only telling everyone closer to the date. I think that it's rather romantic but must be extremely difficult keeping it to yourself!!!

Thanks for your reply. I think you're right about the proposal, I just want to be asked though! He doesn't view marriage as important as I do, worries about the day itself and generally buries his head in the sand if he doesn't want to think about things. I have explained how I feel but he feels after all this time it may not live up to my expectations but I don't think this is fair of him to say as an excuse not to do it. I've been patient (well as much as possible) I want to have that moment too! He's not a timid person just has a freak out when it comes to weddings. We're having about 80ish which obviously isn't small and need to start letting everyone know. It is so hard not having anyone to tell!

I got engaged a month ago and we are getting married in August. We don't have much more time, and I am confident we can do it - we have venue booked so far and invitations ordered. I think 5 months is enough if you focus on what's important and don't get distracted from your goal.

As for your second question - i can sympathise. I feel I sort of strong-armed my fiancee into it, but he did propose properly in the end. We were quite open about what we both want and felt so I knew I had to wait until he was happy. Have you spoken to him about when you are going to tell people? If not a proposal from him, then maybe a family dinner/night-out when you can announce it?

1. You can definitely plan a wedding in 5 months, don't worry, I have a friend who did it in 4, and a friend who is currently doing it in 4 (getting married in April). You know that everyone here can provide help as well!

2. You aren't silly for wanting to be asked, I can totally understand why, my question is does OH know you are expecting him to ask? Is there a chance he thinks because it's been talked about that it's sorted?

Thanks to both of you. I'm starting to feel like we can do it in 5 months! The silly thing is he is really getting into the planning side. It is like mariannechuaphotography said - it is almost like he thinks it doesn't need doing now! But I'm trying not to interpret this as him not caring, We are due to tell our families in next week or so and he knows that. I even said to him the other night that maybe I did used to talk about proposals (dropping hints, oh how that backfired!) I have grown up since then but would like the formality of it. He said ok so I am hoping he will do. it is a bit silly as it has been booked but still hopeful! none of our friends can understand why we're not engaged and this extra pressure hasn't helped. I'm trying not to build up my hopes though.

Also, we had thought this year would be impossible but were so happy when we found in both our minds our dream venue. Just goes to show that not everything is straightforward with weddings but hopefully we'll get there in the end!

1. No

2. I think you're being silly expecting real life to be like a fairy-tale or a movie scene. If you have agreed to get married, you are engaged. My mum says she can't remember an actual proposal, just my Dad saying "I suppose we could get married" and this was in the 60s. Then again, that itself IS a proposal, since it's proposing the idea. And you yourself have done that. I know that in your situation, had I said to OH "I just want to be asked" he would have replied "ok, will you marry me?". No movie scene or fairy-tale. It's a bit artificial wanting that if the end result has already been agreed on.

I'd just agree a time and date to tell your parents, and have done with it. 50 years from now this won't matter.

1. No it can be done

2. Have you thought about asking him? If he is anxious about weddings etc this would be an ideal opportunity to show him how much you live him and that you have his interests at heart too. Because honestly.. It really doesn't matter that he asks you. What matters is you want to be together.

Although I have over 3 years for the proposal, we'r ein the same situation. I knew as soon as we met it was for life, and have asked him to marry me twice, each time a refusal becuase he wants to be the one to ask, and he wants it to be the 'right time'. Getting him to even talk about the M word was hard enough without him making a joke about how we weren't anywhere near doing that sort of thing yet, if you get the picture. But last year we fell in love with a venue which was booked up until 2015. So I made him compromise, we booked the venue so we didn't have to wait another decade, and he had that time to decide when it was the right time. Although I love we've got a date, and only my sisters and his best man know, it's really hard not to want to shout about it to make it real. It feels like I'm planning for someone else. When he finally does ask me, everything will slip into place and it will be perfect.

Does he know you you feel? Maybe booking everything makes him feel he doesn't need to officially ask, so maybe have a chat with him and explain how you feel No pressure on him, but some time before the actually day might be nice lol.

Five months isn't a huge amount of time, but perfectly doable. I organised my first wedding in 7 months

Have you considered asking HIM to marry YOU?...That is getting a bit more of a regular occurrence these days....

btw....I am sure that it will all work out well. Perhaps he is very comfortable with the way things are and may be worried that a change, albeit for the better, might change something that is already perfect.......?

Peter

Thanks to all of you for your honest replies! I realise that to all intents and purposes we ARE engaged and am being a bit silly about wanting the proposal but as another poster who is in the same boat said, it is just something I really want! Sorry don't know how to quote but to the person who said it isn't a film I quite agree. A few years ago I never thought I'd compromise to this extent of waiting a few years longer than expected when I have really wanted for us to get married during that time. I feel I've waited much longer than I wanted, have tried to be patient and understand his feelings and agreed to keep it to ourselves because that is what he has wanted. At the end of all this though I just want to be asked properly and this thread has been good in helping me to see how important that is to me but it isn't the end of the world if it doesn't happen.

I know it is old fashioned but no, I don't want to ask him! I think you're right though as he sees us as being great the way we are.

1. No - I love Don't Tell The Bride and they do it in 3 weeks

2. I understand exactly where you're coming from - I always wanted the whole 'this is how he asked me romantically thing'. I kept waiting and waiting. Then it was nearly my 28th birthday and I decided I didn't want to wait any longer. I said to my OH that I'd been thinking about things and how quick life passes you by, and that I really wanted to get married. He said "is that your way of asking me to marry you?" I said no, I was just saying we should get married. So the next day we went and bought a ring - I gave it to him and said now you can propose on my birthday tomorrow!!

He did it too, in our sitting room, with the knee and all, but he was very embarassed.

Your OH might need a little push too - stroll past a shop and point out a ring maybe!

I love your story! I really appreciate everyone giving me an honest opinion but it is also really nice to hear from someone who felt like I do! Maybe I need to do that too!

Wedding is very doable in 5 months..... My friend gets married in a few weeks with 4 months between deciding and doing. As for the proposal, we talked about getting married, went ahead and booked the church etc but h2b still wanted to propose in a 'proper' way. He said he wanted it to be perfect but I just thought, what the heck.... Let's just flippin get married! It had taken him long enough to decide he wanted to do it that I wasn't about to hang around waiting for a romantic proposal in case he changed his mind lol!!! Loving keep other posters have said, if it bothers you that much that you are properly 'betrothed', take the initiative yourself :0) xx

I liked 'it has taken him long enough to decide' as it sounds like my boyfriend! I'll let you know how I get on!

Haven't got internet for a few days so won't be coming on here but thanks to those who replied.

We didn't get"engaged" I have never had an engagement ring we just booked the wedding and told everyone that's when we are getting married. If he has agreed the date and the arrangements with you then he has commited to the wedding. If he has issues with marriage it may not be a good idea to push him. Just send out the save the dates cards

Hi butterfly2016,

I agree with the others that doing the planning etc in 5 months is entirely possible. Just focus the mind and be organised, and you can easily do it. It sounds like the wedding is something you have been thinking about for a while, so chances are you know what you want, so it's just a case of putting it into place.

Without wanting to sound like a man basher, I think men can be a bit lazy. Perhaps your partner sees it that you have booked a venue, to him you are engaged, he doesn't feel the need to ask. I totally understand that you would like him to tho. I was the last of my friends to get engaged, and I confess it started to eat me up a little, and I thought "when will my turn come". I can say the usual "be patient" to you, but that's so hard, and I know easier said than done when it's all you can think about and starting to make you cross, and you just want to say something.

I think perhaps you should talk to him about it, not in a confrontational way, or in the way of issuing ultimatums. This man is going to be your husband in 5 months, you can talk about pretty much anything (again, easier said than done to bring it up tho). Perhaps have a yummy dinner together and bring it up in a very calm relaxed way. Just say that you're really looking forward to the wedding, and the planning, and more importantly, to being his wife, but that you'd like things to perhaps now take a more formal approach. That maybe things could be a little more traditional, like a ring, and popping the question. Just something casual and silly, and he doesn't need to make a big deal. See what he says. Tell him that you adore him, and you just want to scream it from the rooftops as to how happy you are and how excited you are to be his wife. Make him feel like the big man who is so important, and see what he says. I really hope that you get your dream, because I really do know how it feels when it's starting to get to you. Just try to remain calm and focused.

Good luck! And please keep everyone posted, we're all rooting for you.

B x

Hi,

I would agree with everyone here in saying that 5 months to plan a wedding is totally do-able! However, I would say that until you feel more positively about you engagement then you are not going to enjoy planning it. I would discuss with your OH and plan a day to announce to all your friends and family that you are getting married. This way you still get your moment.

There is a worrying amount of brides to be that admit to just giving their OH's a little push into a proposal. I think the way you are doing it seems much more healthy and honest way.

Just enjoy it

I can see things from lots of sides....as discussed by all...yes 5 months is cool.

As for the proposal......

I can see why you want to be asked, I always wanted to be asked to be bridesmaid by my sister. I was trying on dresses and helping her pick flowers, I did most of the organising for her, but she never officially asked me. This really upset me. Then mum just said...."don't be an idiot, she'd not be able to do this without you and you are being more than what a bridesmaid ever could be!". And that was that. It was cool....10 years on they've just celebrated their anniversary.

But I can also see that if you have the date planned, then essentially he is engaged to you. But don't put too much pressure on it. Dad let mum pick her engagement ring, when she left the shop smiling down at it he said: "just because you have a ring off me, doesn't mean I'm going to marry you!" This year they'll have been married 39 years. So it's irrelevant what he says, it's more important about what he does.

And finally....if you want to keep it so there's less pressure...do a big surprise! My friend's sister had a big BBQ at her house last summer with all her friends & family, just for fun. When everyone arrived the sister ran upstairs and came down in a wedding dress and they took everyone to the venue and they got married! My friend was bridesmaid in jeans & a vest top! Everyone said it was the best wedding, as they was no pressure or expectations! ? I know this isn't for everyone but I think it sounds awesome!!!

x

Slow down when walking together pass the jewellers to browse - there might be a simple engagement ring in the window he might like to buy you........he needs a bit of 'direction' in his life that you need to lead him down by the sounds of it

I'm also surprised at the number of brides who gave their bf a nudge. I know that you can hire a "hinting" service for a proposal as well. I'm kind of curious as to why people felt their bfs needed a push, anyone care to enlighten me? My friend has been with her bf for 8 years and his parents didn't get married until 10 years in so she's kind of set that as a cut off point which I can understand but is that the only situation a man would need a push in?

Because my OH always said it was 'just a piece of paper' so I knew he probably didn't really worry about being married. It means a lot to me though.

What lovely responses from you all! I was starting to feel a bit selfish last night! To give a bit of background we have been together for many years and have always (in my mind) been heading to marriage. We've had some difficult things thrown at us both and we've always supported each other. I've watched friends show off about their 'perfect' relationships and we've never been like that, just focusing on being happy together. I think as someone said blokes are a little more laid back than us girls (sorry to generalise). He honestly doesn't get why engagement is a big deal (told me that a few months ago) and perhaps just assumed it'd all happen itself, he likes to bury his head in the sand! I've said last night that we need to tell our families who will be so happy and officially announce we are engaged, which we aren't yet -hint, hint! If not then I'll just have to tell him more like it is in one of the ways mentioned by others! It is strange but I'm more bothered about having my 'moment' being able to say I'm engaged then I am when I think about my wedding day, maybe because I feel it is about our families as well as us.

Thanks so much for all your advice. I really do try and see it from his point of view and almost feel sorry for him (well, almost!) I'll keep you updated! Hopefully this thread might help someone else in a similar situation!

1. No, you have plenty of time but personally I'd tell people as soon as possible due to their holiday bookings.

2. Stuff the ”perfect proposal'. Mine was far from what I maybe used to dream about but it was perfect for us. At the end of the day you're getting married and that's all that really matters. I know a few people (not on here) who had what some may call an unromantic proposal, that's just how life is and there's nothing wrong with it.

Just wanted to let you know that he did propose (without me asking him to) and in a way that wasn't flashy but personal to us. He said he's always planned on asking me in this way - news to me that he's even thought about it! We went for a walk on a beach that we used to go on lots when we first got together - it is one of our places to go. He took me to a part where the view is particularly stunning and got down on one knee! We also got everyone together and told them and they are all very happy!

Thanks for the advice at a time when I was worrying lots!

Oh! That's so adorable! Congrats sweetheart.

xx

Thank you! I never thought it would happen and am so happy!

Awww... congratulations - that sounds so wonderful!

Yay!!!!! Now stop fretting About everything and crack on with the organising!! :0) xx

Thank you! Really enjoying planning and trying to keep calm x

Yay huge congratulations x